no homo etiquette

no homo?
totally homo.

when kayne told the world that everyone was on his dick, he was quick to clarify- no homo. lil wayne alerted the nation that he had money coming out of his ass- but no homo. and the arguably forgettable cam'ron told us all to suck a dick- but again, no homo.

gentlemen, gentlemen- i dont think anyone is questioning your sexuality (alright kayne, you are starting to push it) so why do you all feel the need to defend yourself after every half homo-erotic statement you make?! just stop talking about dicks and asses so much..that might help. dont get me wrong, im not hear to judge- in fact, i often whip out the 'no homo' line. although, being a homo, my 'no homo' delivery comes off as more witty and ironic than a hate filled slogan coined by 'not homosexual' rappers.

just as any other mildly offensive statement, there are dos and donts to proper 'no homo' usage. i think its important for everyone, gay- straight- or otherwise, to know how to use this term properly, and thus maximizing the opportunities for you to seem topical with this trendy, borderline offensive, phrase.

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do:
use it in the ironic way.
ex: go up to an attractive straight girlfriend of yours and state, 'your breasts are looking marvelous today- no homo'

its alright for one to use the phrase in this manner- a way that has a touch of irony and wit to it. for you see- i am in fact saying something that is very homosexual in nature, and thus the end point of 'no homo' is funny- not offensive!!

dont:
be kayne west, and say something douchey about your dick and shout NO HOMO afterwards because then shits cool and people know you are most definitely NOT gay. *rolls eyes*

just a blanket word of caution: if you arent gay, i really dont think you should be saying 'no homo' at all. when i hear a straight man shouting 'no homo brah- no homo', more than likely hes doing something like touching his friends bluge, and i assume that he does like the touch of a man, but is too shy/homophobic to admit it. moreover, regardless of what you are or are not trying to hide, it never works in the fun way it does in your head...nope- just makes you seem like a hateful douche bag.
straight boys? stop saying no homo- thats all.

do:
pair an innocuous phrase with 'no homo', and let the offensive hilarity begin!
note: this is ONLY a do, if you are in fact homo- or have no ill motives behind your words. (read: if you are bashing gays, or coming from a hateful place, get yo shit outta town crazy!)
ex: 'can you please pass me the salt? no homo'; 'did you catch the story about the balloon boy? no homo'
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some will argue with me about this. many online articles and blogs ive read dedicated to this topic generally have the same tone. something along the vein of 'this is an awful phrase' 'no one should use it because it is offensive to gays no matter who is saying it'. while i see their points, i have to disagree. to me, there is nothing wrong with the words 'no' and 'homo'- there is something wrong when someone is using them to hurt another person. if gay little me wants to shout, 'no homo' after every phrase (much like i did with 'thats what she said') i should be allowed to without fear of gay-on-gay bashing.

whats funniest to me, is that most of the rappers who say this phrase- arent even saying it when its most appropriate. in lil waynes classic about lollipops, he states 'no homo, hes so sweet make her wanna lick the wrapper- so i let her lick the rapper' well unless thyne eyes decieve me, one girl + one boy, well thats a pretty heterosexual combo you have there mr.wayne, so no 'no homo' is necessary.

so, do i have an issue with the flagrant use of 'no homo' in rap lyrics? yes and no. on the one hand, i feel while its under the guise of 'oh, look how accepting of the gay community we are in the rap world- we will even clarify for you if what we are saying is homosexual or not' it means the polar opposite. i wouldnt have a problem with it, if those who said it werent being disrespectful to the community.

so mr.west, wayne, santana and others- either stop saying no homo or start giving out bjs and hjs like theres no tomorrow, no homo of course!