Tuesday, March 2, 2010

back off, lesbro!

back off, lesbro!
"the lesbian sneak-and-creep"

it's no secret that lesbians are known for their ability to network. what might initially appear to be a simple social gathering involving lesbians is, in all actuality, a microcosm. you will find a world full of adventures in even the smallest of parties. straight friends, take a journey with me- imagine a world where every club event you go to, every party you attend, every game of pick-up softball you hop into, there is an ex or a former fling (whose name escapes you, but you are almost 100% sure you made out with them at pride last year). imagine social circles that overlap constantly, imagine being privy to every ones drama... whether or not you want to hear it. some call it anarchy- i call it a valid trade off for the overall perfection that is lady loving. bear in mind, this is only a portion of an entire community. using my words to define all lesbians would be wrong- i'm merely testifying my sisters, to the glory that i have seen. the magical mystery of just how creepy lesbians can be, using a technique called, the lesbian sneak-and-creep.

the sneak-and-creep is when an acquaintance or semi-close friend flips through your friend list on various social networking sites, finds your most attractive/closest connections then proceeds to add and creep on them. have you ever noticed one day you have a few mutual friends, then the next day this friend has added your sister, your best friend, your first ex, and all of your roommates? woah- are you all really that well connected? was there a party last night involving all of your nearest and dearest friends, that you were unaware of, hosted by said friend? while i'm sure that they could all know each other, it's a rational possibility- it's just not the case. sad to say, your friend's list has been milked.

my friends and i share similar stories of 'sneak-and-creepers'. back in the mid 2000's, when myspace was still a formidable force in the social networking game, i'm not ashamed to say that i frequently used my account. my sister and i had different myspace default names, so one didn't know outright that we were related. i remember getting creepy messages from 'photographer friends' of hers who would proposition me to shoot with a 'model they had in mind'...her name is corbin, we are friends online. 'corbin' is my sisters modeling name, and while we have done shoots together for photographers who are friends of ours- i'm not doing a sexy shoot with my sister, i don't care how hot she is. with myspace it was understood, there were some serious creeps on that site. but facebook forces our creepy ways into the shadows, we don't have the same anonymity and thus in order to peruse pages you have to get creative.

i think it's important to mention, i have nothing against people who add strangers online in attempts to expand their world- hell, that's the purpose of a SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE- and i would be lying if i said that i haven't started friendships online (meet my beautiful friend jarvis, who i met years ago off facebook. we have seen each other through several relationships and dramatic life situations...and our friendship endures to this day!) but i just felt the need to stress, in regards to sneakin' and creepin'- you aren't as stealthy as you think lesbots, i'm on to you! i know you flip through those mutual connections like none other, adding every semi-gay looking hottie you can...in hopes that one does actually resemble her default photo after you add her and click through her tagged photos.

it's a painfully trivial thing to be upset about, i understand this. i should be focused on the gay tragedy that's going on in uganda right now, i should be focused on the chilean earthquake victims and how i can help, i should be focused on my taxes...but instead i'm making a very vaild point as it pertains to sharing friends online. i'm aware of the ways of our community and it doesn't shock me in the least how we conduct ourselves in this new age of social networking lives and real lives colliding.

it's yet another reason our community is so well connected. we all know each other, or know of each other, or have heard of each other in some form or fashion. when fresh meat walks in the scene, it's little wonder lesbians pounce- it's a shiny new toy to get to know and play with. when circles overlap it's like a feeding frenzy. when the baltimore lesbians come down to play with us DC girls (or vice versa), it's a field day...because while we all are aware of each other, we aren't at the point of supersaturation- in that, we aren't all up 'in each others shit' and thus there is less drama to be had. that is of course, until everyone starts drinking- then the drama will undoubtedly follow.

so as far as some of my acquaintances commandeering my friend list's, adding them all, and getting their 'stalk'-freak on; back off lesbro...these are precious creatures- not slabs of meat! if you really want to be a voyeur and make new friends, do it the old fashioned way- the way our lesbian foremothers would have wanted- decked out in flannel at lilith fair.


  1. @vince...don't feel bad, i've already looked at your profile off of the lesbifriend's fan page. what a creepy sign of the times =) haha

  2. well im glad were on the same page then.. ;) literally speaking of course.

  3. funny thing is I did the sneak and creep on Jarvis a while back and it led me to your blog.

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  5. I like this post a lot. It's a small community and we should not exploit each other. Right on!

    I do not, however, like the term "lesbro." Yes, it's funny. But no, we are not brothers. We are SISTERs, please. Willingness to identify ourselves AS MEN is quite popular, I realize. But it undermines LESBIAN community and LESBIAN identities.

  6. haha. another great post.
    i love your ability to make everything relatable- whether you're gay, straight, bi, queer...whatever! you remind us all that we're all the same.
    sorry, i know i get all sappy when i post on your blog, but it's all true.

  7. you totally sneaked and whatever on me. don't even pretend. i remember! and then we finally met awkwardly at town haha.

  8. i disagree. i don't go to the club or any other gay social gathering worrying about whether or not i'm going to run into a "fling"--because i'm not that type of person. I know a lot of lesbians but can easily hang out with a group of them without sleeping with one of them or having a thing with one of them--just a huge group of friends--nothing complicated...just friends. there's no creeping, sneaking, pouncing, or any other mischievous activity going on. i think the group you might be referring to is not the lesbian community in general, but a more underdeveloped, anxious crowd of immature women.

  9. another thing--I don't mean to criticize your blog or anything--because you definitely are a great writer--you have an immense talent for that, obviously..but, as a lesbian in the DC area, i feel that you are somewhat misrepresenting the community by saying "this is what lesbians do..." when in fact it is what your particular group of friends who happen to be lesbians do. and I understand that you are young and young people (college-age) are supposed to hook up with people and whatnot but that in itself is a stereotype considering the fact that I am young like you yet lead a completely different life as a lesbian than you or your friends do. it really concerns me that you are not informed enough on the actual dynamics of a gay community and present the data you have collected from your particular group of friends as UNIVERSAL data. given your blog's readability, i would be careful in how you represent yourself and the rest of us when you talk about what you think you know regarding the dynamics of lesbian friendships and the gay world in general, because what is apparent is that you know only what is in your own little social bubble which is minute in comparison to the rest of the gay WORLD. once again, i like reading your blog for the entertainment value--you are hilarious and a very gifted girl--but i get nervous thinking that someone out there is reading your blog and is being misinformed based on your own social experience being manifested into a universal experience.

  10. @anonymous- i made a point to mention that i was NOT referring to the community in general, but just what i have been privy to as of late.
    am i saying that it's impossible to have relationships with women that are drama-free and uncomplicated? most certainly not! i was merely giving a voice to a trend i've seen.

    the whole point of my blog has been to unite not drive a wedge further into the lesbian community in particular. i hope you understand, but next time i will make a point of making my message more clear. =)

    @undercoverpunk- yes, i agree about the lesbro comment. i used it in the title and at the end for the comedic value which was cheap...thanks for checking in!!

    @lauren- get sappy all you want, you know i love reading what you think. and THANK YOU, that's what i'm going for!!

    @heather- yah, but in my defense i knew you were a real person before i added you willy nilly...i had already had interactions with people who knew you. lol, that makes it better, right??