Monday, November 30, 2009

gamer word of caution

gay gamers on xbox
keep it on the DL ftw

in lieu of cyber monday i chose to make my own version of cyber monday. its called 'cyber monday' and pretty much consists of myself, coworkers, and workers all around the world going to their favorite websites all day, and absorbing information. i wont go as far to say its a 'brilliant idea' as the name is 100% the same as the current day, but the difference is im still in a recession and thus everyones getting crafts from ashbash for christmas. but i digress, i was being a good lesbian, getting my daily gay fill on i stumbled across something that caught my eye. the title said 'suspended from xbox live for being a lesbian', being the impartial lesbian that i am, my first thought was 'maybe it was because you were shouting something douchey over xbox live'. (if you ever want to stock up on a new arsenal of creative insults- xbox live is where its at.) but after reading the girls rant i understood her frustration.

i began to do a little research (read: i refreshed a new google page), and i found this has happened before- in fact, it happens OFTEN. and if you think that just because you are straight you are in the clear- you are dead wrong hetero. poor old richard gaywood will tell you. as if it wasnt rough enough growing up in a narrowminded world with a last name that screams 'homo-boner', richard was kicked off xbox live for his name..just his name?!

microsoft has apologized in the past for how they treat sexual orientation matter online, but its clear that they still run xbox live the same way. you may be shocked to find out, i actually support microsoft banning such players. now yes, its unfortunate that several homosexuals were swept up in the ban of essentially gay verbiage and kicked offline, but the intent of the rule is clear- to DEFEND HOMOSEXUALS.

too often people who are attacked relentlessly build up a wall around them, and subsequently feel that everyone is attacking them. this is true of the LBGT community. im sure that people will have a problem with how i feel, but honestly- we dont need to be so sensitive all the time. we arent always being slighted, we arent always being mistreated, sometimes people are actually trying to help us out. is it just a little fucked up that the rule whos intention is to help protect gays from defamatory statements is actually kicking them offline in the process? yes- of course thats unfortunate, however lets look at the broader picture- people who use gay terms as insults are also getting kicked off as well. isnt that what the LBGT community wants? isnt that what we need? i for one think so.

Friday, November 27, 2009

the chart

the chart
and the cornucopia of drama

i believe sex is personal, if i believed the contrary- id be in porn. with that said, i do enjoy when my friends feel so inclined as to feed me gritty details regarding their sexual exploits. but what if, at a glance, a stranger could see your entire sexual history? what if you saw your girlfriend had an extensive sexy past with a slue of other women, before you swept her off her feet? what if a momentary lapse in judgment turned into a line connecting you and a mistake?

dc lesbians are asking themselves those questions and more. i feel as if its been common knowledge for a while that there was a sex chart floating around...but what people didnt seem to understand was that it was never destroyed- that is, until it was posted online.

just imagine for a moment if you were on that chart and it was put up. uh- can you say, 'shitstorm'?? i first became aware of the chart resurfacing when my facebook mini-feed became flooded with 'omfg, thats really fucked up', 'he needs to take that down', 'baby- i dont care about your past, just about our futures' (btw, that was the perfect response to the whole situation, kudos to that couple). i was pretty out of the loop, then a friend of mine brought me up to speed on the situation.

apparently the story is more dramatic than just a straight forward, 'the owner of the chart posted it online for whatever reason'. an unnamed fella took a picture of the chart, which was hanging on the owners wall. he then (without the owners permission) posted it on facebook. now i never saw it, nor do i know if people were tagged or it was simply uploaded, but people were pissed. the people on the chart were horrified that it was put on such a public platform.

i know that my name is on the chart (kinda like a kite just hovering above with a string attaching me to the bunch) but to be honest that sort of shit doesnt bother me. if i dont know you, i owe you nothing. if its true, ill admit to it. if its not true, fuck that nosie, lets just dance. but i also dont have very much to hide- fucking right im lame as hell, want some? i did feel for those who did have something to hide. i know a lot of girls who came out very young, and thus have been getting naked with other girls for a while now.
is it fair to judge someone whos slept with a lot of people?
is it fair to judge anyone at all?
we are all flawed.

many of the people involved with the whole shitshow were upset with the owner of the chart. the only thing i fault that person with is being careless in their handling of such precious information. when people trust you with that sort of dirt, you cant go running your mouth- or treating the info without respect. those upset with the owner seem to forget where all the information came from..they themselves are the ones who put the information out there. however, thats not the case for everyone on the chart- i know i never wrote my name anywhere, nor did my girlfriend or my ex and yet there we are. some people were just the unfortunate other half to the equation. but the owner assured me that the information written on the chart was never just hearsay- it was always substantiated (at least relatively so, its not like there are lesbian-sex-fact-checkers...however, if thats a new job title, i will sacrifice myself to take it- im such a martyr.)

as to put the blame 100% on the owners shoulders is unfair. how i see it, the owner of the chart would have never posted it online- ever. this much i know for sure. the owner of the chart would have never intentionally hurt those around her- ever. sure, she should have been more careful with whos eyes were peeping every ones sex history, but thats the only thing i think is fair to blame on her. lets not forget- she did not post it online, nor did she make up all the connections on that chart.
i think this unnamed fella pull a class one: douche move.

so, whats the moral of this story?
that our anger is often times misplaced on the first person we think is too blame, then we are too proud to admit we were wrong. yes, im talking to you gw bush, and also some dc lesbots.

i could have been pissed. my name was on it. but i wasnt- know why? because, lets break it down- its a chart with names and lines..i enjoy coloring books just as much as the next girl, but its not worth getting too worked up about. we are all in this town together, we are all sleeping together, we all understand and accept these things- and yet we get our feathers all ruffled when shit goes down. we all just need to chill, maybe hug it out, perhaps write friendly notes to each other to foster better relations..
but most of all, just be lesbifriends!!

Thursday, November 26, 2009


thanksgiving is a fictionalized holiday
but im going thankful none the less

so just a short little post today in regards to the holiday at hand. im at work today- which should be shocking to no one as i have worked thanksgiving and christmas the past 3 years (my rationale behind that is i work with a lot of people who have children, and big families that they dont see often. my family is very close and i see them all the time, so id rather take one on the chin for the team...and also my logic is 'i work christmas and thanksgiving- you better know my ass isnt gonna be here come new years eve and day.' i am brilliant, i know.)

i do wish i could spend the holidays with my family. i get to see them, but as soon as the tables set- i have to jump in the car and head off to support the man. its not all that bad, i tell myself its a sacrifice that one day i wont have to make, but as for now it proves my dedication/passion/that i dont have a life outside of my career.

as most edcated people know, the history of the holiday doesnt match up with the fantasy of it. i personally am putting a vote in, suggesting that every day be thanksgiving. each and every day we should remind oursleves that we have blood pumping through our veins, and minds that are capable of complex thought. one day? really? just one day?

im thankful for the great family i have. they will never give up on me, and while they may push me further towards insanity- they also have a funny way of constantly keeping me grounded and surrounded by love. i never feel disconnected from them because we are so close, im incredibly grateful for that.

im thankful for danielle jillian. my sunshine- i know you will read this, so ill address you directly. i never thought i would find you, and then i did. you walked into my life at a very volatile time, and yet you staid by my side. i know that we have weathered many storms together (and while its a bit cynical to say- i know we will conquer many more) but never has my heart stopped beating for you. the very moment i saw you i got tunnel vision and felt as if i was dumped into a bucket of you. i wanted to be close to you, i wanted to connect with you, i wanted to be saturated in you. i dont think i can accurately express just how much you mean to me, and while i dont think its healthy to have your life revolve around another person, im just glad you are riding shotgun with me. you are absolutely my dream girl, in more ways than anyone will ever know (but i wont lie, your perfect breasts dont hurt.)

im thankful for the brilliant friends i have. i dont mean to sound trite when i say it, but each and every person ive ever met in my life changed me. (i mean, im not really making that grand a statement, the same could be said for you if you really think about it) every face, every smile, every tear, every rant, every breakdown- we have seen it all my friends, and i for one am standing up and saying 'im thankful for all the shit!'. if it werent for all that 'shit' we deal with, i dont think id feel nearly as close to those i call friends. i love being your soundboard, i love giving you my advice, i love asking for yours- i love that my friends are connected to me and i them.

im thankful that my grandmother is still alive. albeit a bit morbid to say, that woman is the most complex and interesting character in my family. i dont think ill ever understand half of her motivations, beliefs, and rationales, but i love trying to figure her out. im also glad shes still alive because shes that family member who constantly says, 'i dont know if ill be around for next thanksgiving, so lets all be thankful this is my last one.' i kid you not- as i walked out the door to work today she told me 'if you leave this market and head north i wish you the best, because i wont be here to see it.' god blesser! that silly rascal.

i wish you all a happy and bountiful day.

but do remember this holiday is about killing indians...cant just throw a cornucopia on top of a blood soaked table and call it dinner- or you can..HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

random thought #23

random thought #23
it would seem as if the useless thoughts in my head never end- lucky you.

  • i dont know if its a seasonal thing or where i go to socialize with lesbians, but i feel like ive seen far too many lesbots that look like dead ringers for lil wayne as of late.
    now dont get me wrong, i mean no disrespect but if you have dreads, wear over-sized clothes, like fun crisp hats, and wear sunglasses you are lil wayne in my book...or whoopi goldberg- your choice.
  • my girlfriend bought me a baby.
    if you are waiting for my witty response that in someway negates my previous statement- you aint gettin it!! she really did buy me an impoverished child! i guess the more appropriate way to phrase that is she 'sponsored a child' for us to support. i had to mention it on here because it was one of the sweetest gestures ive ever had done for me. (aside from the countless other sweet, precious things my pudding cup does.)
    so why is the baby so special too me? well we both what to make a difference in the world, in our own ways. we both feel compelled to use our lives, and our gifts to help others. i personally want to connect to people who feel alone and out casted, and allow them to see they are very much connected to life and ultimately- to other people. danielle would love nothing more than running off to africa to save every aids riddled baby out there. her heart aches when she sees people in need, she might seem all hard and shit (oh, and trust, she is) but toss a child freckled with flies and an empty belly and my baby shines.
  • not too long ago, i asked you all to check out my audition for the community youtube channel 'QueerFAQtor'. after what felt like a few weeks, (i mean, it actually was a few weeks..i hate when people get dramatic and say 'omg it felt like years' no it didnt. and even if it did- all you are doing is letting me know that you have absolutely no idea of time as you think a week and a year are one in the same..moving on.) they finally announced who would be filling the two day spots available.

    at around 6:00 things start to get cooking.
    im so excited to be a part of this channel because they really do provide a tremendous service to the LBGT community. i often forget how lucky i am to be almost completely saturated in lesbians (oh, i know- dream of dreams!), i know that some dont have that luxury. (even if sometimes i consider it a bit of a burden, what with how interesting our community can be)
  • a friend of mine is dating a girl that looks exactly like her..god i wish i could post a photo of them on here, but then it would be proof that im talking about them. but i shit you not- they look identical. now i thought that the only similarity issue in the lesbian world was having the same name. i personally would never date another ashley...(or i would but i would adopt a new fun nickname that i gave myself that would not fit me at all but i would love, like RENEGADE!)
    but if you date a chick who looks like you, does that make you a narcissist? or just really confident?

Monday, November 23, 2009

straight jacket weekend

straight jacket weekend
twas a whopper!

early after i came out, i remember my mother giving me a list of 'concerns' she had about me being gay. most of them were borderline rational, in that i could see the point she was trying to make, even if her logic was fractured or at best flawed. she was making efforts- and i appreciated that, but one giant bone of contention for us was the issue of gay clubs vs. straight clubs.

she used to give me a lot of grief when i would take my older sister out with me to gay clubs. her theory was the only reason i was taking her there, was to try and convert her. she said 'at best, you are trying to promote that lifestyle with her, and get her all liquored up'...oh mother, dont you know i dont have to give my sister liquor to get her to make out with girls. (my mother isnt a big fan of being reminded of my sisters bisexuality, because shes getting married) all joking aside, i have good reason to only frequent gay clubs, and to be honest- my sexuality has nothing to do with it.

really ashley? being gay has nothing to do with you going to the gay club? yah- really. im not a big club person as it is. sure, im a social person- but clubs are a bit too impersonal for my taste- id much rather have a house party but when i do choose to go out and have a good time- i want to do just that. i have never been in a straight club and felt comfortable- ever. its not that i feel people are judging me, its not that i fear im going to hit on a straight girl and be rejected, its not that im surrounded by drunk people. the reason i dont feel comfortable at clubs is 'gay' doesnt seem to register with the guys there. blame it on the ahh ahh ahha ahhhaaalcohol if you like, but i dont want to dance with you- and when i say im gay i mean it.

if it was merely me being hypersensitive about an unwelcomed dance request, i would understand if you thought i was being dramatic- but it doesnt stop at just a request for a boogie. nay my friends, lets take a trip in my giant boat of awkward to this past weekend.

straight jacket weekend
my girlfriend has a lot of straight friends from college who come up to the dc area every so often to party. if i thought my girlfriend threw down hard, the first time i met all her 'friends from back home', i knew just where she learned it from. its as if these girls were born and bred with beer pong balls in hand, shot glasses at the ready, and an unquenchable thirst for miller light.

enter stage right, ashley- sucks at beer pong (unless if by luck im on a roll, in which case i claim to be a god until i start sucking again, then the shame comes), trys not to projectile vomit after any shot (not including red-headed sluts, which i can take with ease, but im sure thats just further confirmation of the fact that lindsay lohan and i are meant to be together, but i digress), and not a miller girl (or a bud girl, or a beer girl).

ok, so maybe im not a perfect fit with her hard-partying friends but i try. so they were coming up to celebrate two of their 25th birthdays. we went to see bob marley (of boondock saints fame) at the dc improv and then had plans to go to a club afterwards. i had to prepare. not that i encourage people to resort to drinking in order to be more comfortable in social situations, however i see alcohol as a tool to do just that. unhealthy? sure, but as i can count on two hands how many times ive gotten shwasted im not stressing it too much.

terrible life choice #1 of the night. while at the show i wanted to insure that i wouldnt have to drink at the club later so i tried to drink as much as possible while watching the comedians. as im not a regular drinker, attempting to keep up with everyone else at the table was a bad idea. you know all those fun rhymes your mother taught you to prevent you from getting sick while drinking? beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer in the clear. fuck that noise!! i chose to start off with corona, followed by too many cranberry and vodkas with orange juice, then i remember a shot that tasted like chocolate (then baby vomit, then vodka, then vanilla..a roller coaster of flavors), then came the champagne bottles.

terrible life choice #2 of the night. agh, just recalling all that sauce made me nauseous. but we pressed on. we climbed into the DD-mobile and were whisked away to the club. now i initially had high hopes for the club, as a hot go-go dancer friend of mines girlfriend is the dj there. i assumed, 'hey you have got a gay dj, maybe its not a super straight establishment, this could be fun.' i understand fun can be a subjective term, but it would not be a word id choose to describe this place. the second floor reeked of vomit- and thats not a smell one can just swallow and disregard, that shit eats up your nostrils. we then made the mistake of trying to move, all of my fears were confirmed and almost instantly i was sober...yes- it was the famed 'walk of grope'.

the walk of grope, is just that. a walk where one gets groped- over and over again. i dont think words can accurately express how i feel when this crap happens. its not like we all werent taught as youngsters 'keep your hands to yourself', and as adults we were taught 'sexual assault on your record makes getting a job hard'. so why is the concept so difficult for some straight men to understand? im not a violent beast, but i did turn around several times mid ass-fondle and said 'hey, dont touch thats hers' pointing to danielle.

thats my main issue with these jerks. i have a hard time being a hard, bitch. what i should be saying is, 'get your fucking mitts off me asshole, i said i dont want to dance or get near you'; what i am saying is, 'woah sir, you touched me- watchout friend! have a great night!' so that forces danielle to step up to defend my honor (because chivelry is NOT dead ladies!), and she always does so in a strong fashion. one of the many reasons i love her- she makes me feel safe.

after two hours of:
-being touched
-being stopped to ask 'are you sure you dont want to dance?'
-being touched
-being asked if the reason i was saying i was gay was actually because i wasnt interested in them
-being touched
-being told i wasnt gay
we finally started to wind down as a group. actually what really happened was i got really sick of feeling as if i was trapped in a cage of uncomfortable so i ran out of the club and slowly but surely, the gang followed.

my argument with my mother, i feel is a valid one. the reason i take my sister to the gay clubs with me time and time again, and find myself going to straight clubs only when forced is protection. i know that in straight clubs (or, to be a bit more fair, clubs that are saturated with a tremendous concentration of drunk straight guys) im not safe. the lesson i learned this weekend should be, dont go to the straight clubs drunk but the lesson id rather take from this weekend is dont touch me douchebag.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

my fairy gaymother

dear ellen,

well, in addition to your growing list of job titles (tv host, american idol judge, covergirl spokeswoman, the current face of lesbianism, and the woman who cuddles up with portia derossi on the regular) its high time you add another notch to your belt...thats right, the highly coveted title of "ashleys fairy gaymother". im sure you can imagine the list of lesbian idols was long, and thus pairing it down we difficult. it came down to you and oprah- and as she isnt technically 'gay', that pretty much knocked her out of the running. i wont lie, my precious lindsay lohan was on the list for a bit but that was just me thinking with the wrong head. i will always have a spot for my lilo, but shes far from fairy gaymother material. not like you- you stand out above the rest, and no one but you would do to be my favorite lesbian. dont you worry, kayne isnt here thus, your acceptance speech wont be cut short.

ive always been intrigued by you- i mean, as a lesbian, its hard not to at least be aware of whats going on in your life. you are a pioneer, a renegade- fuck sarah palin, you were the first to 'go rouge' (and in my opinion, would have looked a heck of a lot better than her on the cover of newsweek/runners world.) whether or not you know it, you are an inspiration to every lesbian out there- you have shown the world that gays arent lepers, and can have the same level of commercial success as our hetero counterparts. you have shown us how beautiful a relationship can be- regardless of gender, and how happy marriage can make two people. because of these reasons, i have named you my fairy gaymother.

another reason ive bestowed such a prestigious title on your shoulders was because you and my girl, oprah, are now best friends. i thought it would be fun if we all hung out sometime- not that ive invested a significant amount of time planning out the 'playdates' that i know will never happen. pfft, no way, that would be borderline creepy, and thats not the way the relationship should go between gay and fairy gaymother. however, if you were ever to stop by the nations capital for say, a weekend getaway with your wife and new gal pal oprah, im letting you know that i have an itinerary at the ready for our funfest!

now, fear not- this isnt an awkward love-filled rant on just how amazing you are. while that would be a joy to write, i do have a legitimate reason for writing to you. as my fairy gaymother, its only appropriate that i come to you with questions regarding my gay world. im sick with worry, fairy gaymother. i feel as if oftentimes, i have two lives- my professional life, and my gay world. i look at you as a beacon of hope- you have effortlessly it seems, balanced perfectly the professionalism of a seasoned reporter with the magicaliness (or simply glory, for those of you who dont appreciate my made-up vocabulary) of the lesbian god that you are. HOW DO YOU DO IT?

it hasnt intentionally happened this way, i know the two arent mutually exclusive- and yet i have a hard time combining them. i know why, im scared. how did you become so strong ellen? in the professional world, i dont bring up topics that im oober passionate about, if i feel they are too divisive or too 'gay'. now with that said, i will fiercely defend/disprove/speak up for gay issues if they are brought up- and i really dont have an issue talking about the LBGT community with my coworkers. the issue is more that i dont want to be labeled as that 'gay soapbox girl'- you know the one that at every mildly appropriate time (and every inappropriate time) jumps up on her gay soapboxes and rants for hours about how gay she is, and proud, and everyone needs to know what the fuck is on her agenda.

im proud of who i am.
i am secure in who i am.
but i would also think it was really weird if a heterosexual at work shouted at me, 'im straight'.

i just want everyone to be comfortable. im realistic enough to admit that not everyone supports gays, and even though its an unpopular opinion of mine- i feel that i should respect their opinion (albeit terribly narrow minded) and not force who i am down their throat. all i can do is be a good person, and hope that they see that regardless of who i sleep with- i have a good heart.

in conclusion, i would like to officially congratulate you on being named my fairy gaymother. please understand that its a very dignified position, and im sure you will respect it- as it carries much clout. (ive already taken it upon myself to make a photo of you as my fairy gaymother, and a t-shirt isnt far behind) i also understand that im essentially talking to myself but i hope that one day you actually read my letters- but even if you dont, ellen degeneres will always be my fairy gaymother!

LBGTake care,

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

how to get the girls

a lesbian 'must see'
how to get the girls by ArielleIsHamming

im not going to lie, there were a few times when i saw a bit of dyke swagga up in that video!! this girl is hilarious- and its clear she put a great bit of time into making this piece. shes cute, fun, and has an accent id kill for. (and by 'kill' i mean 'submerge myself in an area where that dialect was prevalent and then adapt')

Monday, November 16, 2009

random thought #22

random thought #22
you know, 22 is my lucky number

**i hate to be a bummer, on a monday no less- but in case you havent heard, 'americas gay newspaper', the washington blade is no more. their parent company, windows media, abruptly went out of business- and in addition to the washington blade, the houston voice, the south florida blade, david atlanta magazine and 411 magazine are no longer open for business. saying that this is a tough punch for the gay community, would be putting it mildly. the washington blade has been a fixture in the gay community since 1969, i- along with countless others- hope that the washington blade comes back together in some form or fashion..the gays need their papers!!

dcrtv is reporting the following:
"Tomorrow morning, the staff of the defunct Washington Blade will meet to launch a new publication that does pretty much what the Blade has done/did since 1969 - cover gay Washington. It just won't be called the Blade anymore. "The staff is united," says current/former Blade editor Kevin Naff. "We're all together. Our first meeting for our new venture is tomorrow morning." The staffers don't yet have a name for the newspaper. The Blade as a standalone publication runs a profit; however, not enough of a profit to keep its debt-troubled parent company, Window Media, in the black. According to Naff, Window is filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protections, which means that it's ceasing operations. Staffers were given till 3 PM today to pack up. When asked if the company was handling the shutdown in a professional manner, Naff responded, "I should probably not comment.""

**this video made me cry laughing at work, too bad i already have this sort social commentary running through my head. i know its probably just me- but i put gay spins on things all the time, makes me feel at home.

** i really do love the written word, i often lose myself whilst reading little quotes, thoughts, or anything really. today, was no exception...i think its important to note, if you keep yourself open to profound life statements, you would be surprised at how often the universe talks to you. the world is more a fortune cookie than you think. i firmly believe if you are awake to it- the world tells you what you need to know everyday.
regardless, i wanted to share a few things i read today, that really stuck with me:
"the best time to find yourself is when you’re lost."
so true...inspired me to run away this weekend- even if just for a day, everyone should run away with just themselves, get a little lost, cry a bit, get terrified you will never find your way, then cue the lights- and bam! momentary enlightenment!! maybe im oversimplifying it bit, but after reading this i was moved so much as to say to myself, 'you need a little you time...only you...go get lost and be contemplative'.
"you can either step back and compose yourself. or embrace it. both work out just fine"
i know im not alone when i sit and doubt myself. its human to wonder, 'is this normal' 'am i doing this right?' 'am i acting out of line', i mean where would we be if it werent for us constantly question the world around us, and within us? but at the end of the day- life will continue to rage around us, regardless of whether or not we made the right choices, whether or not you were acting too passionately or too impulsively. no matter what we do- the world around us stops for no either way you choose to go about it, life will undoubtedly go on- so rest easy.
"go forth"
sure, its from a commercial (which all lead back to the man) but that doesnt make the message any less powerful. i think its strength is in its simplicity- its the answer to any question really, i guess you have to be walking around in my head for that to be true...but i think it is so. its almost as if to say to ANY question posed- why dont you go and find out? why not go forth and discover the answer on your own. i assure you, that will be more of a help than me handing it to you.

** i dont generally voice my opinions about people that i cant stand- however, i can no longer tolerate heidi montag and spencer pratt...heres why. no, sadly that photo is indeed no joke, and those two peaches are hawking their shit where ever they can. a book? i know a lot of fabulous writers who are very much struggling, and yet- sarah p and these two admitted 'famewhores' get a book deal no problems?
what a world...what a world...i just tell myself 'it takes all kinds ashley, you are no better or no worse than they are'.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

2012 state of mind

state of mind

when compiled effectively, the evidence seems pretty dismal- it would seem as if we are indeed all headed for certain death come december of 2012. so, its only logical that we all bend over and kiss each others fannies goodbye.

whats that? im being too rash and you dont agree? you think that its all a coincidence?

well, i wont exactly say i disagree. ill give you doomsday believers one thing- the mayans really do make you think its possible, and then coupled with the countless other philosophers who backup the mayans claims- it really does seem to be a lock we are all going down in a ball of flames. then reason kicks in and you ask yourself, 'really, two years from now the earth will no longer sustain human life? thats lame, im never going to able to get all those sweet AARP discounts! and dont even get me started on how fun i imagine 2013 will be. so all of it will just be gone?' both arguments have valid points, but it doesnt really matter WHAT you choose to believe, because 2012 is coming whether or not we believe it will bring with it the end of days (and possibly some neat plagues, maybe the earth will spew fire- WHO KNOWS!)

what i do know for certain, is that regardless of what we think might happen, no one really knows and thats why ive adopted a '2012 state of mind'. brilliant, if i do say so myself! it eases both my rational and irrational beliefs with one fell swoop!! in this state one does in fact believe that there is a real possibility that the world will end (while also firmly believing that the claims of destruction are almost laughable) and those living in this state along with me will live their lives as if we were all at deaths door.

not that we should need an excuse to live life to the fullest and unapologetically, but this is the perfect reason to kick your own life into high gear! what better reason to go out and experience the world than the possibility of total annihilation? if nothing else, we can thank the mayans for helping us all to pause and consider what it would be like if we were all gone. i feel, they also force us to take a look inward at ourselves- i find myself asking: what impact have you made in this life? whos lives have you touched? are you proud of who you are? have you experienced things that bring you to life? did you do all you could while on this earth?

i have two short years to take my life wherever i want. after that, its either death or keep on livin'. while im crossing my fingers for the latter, if death comes a'knockin for us all i know that ill be happy with who i am, who ive been, and what i did on this earth. in the meantime, i will work tirelessly in all my endeavors, i will love those around me with all my heart, i wont be afraid to take risks (albeit calculated, comon we cant just go willy nilly now), and above all i will stop at nothing to try and accomplish all of my dreams by december 21st, 2012.

best case scenario- shits cool, and the mayans were just clowning around.
worst case scenario- we all die, but proud of the lives we led.
i say- WIN/WIN!

for those who are interested in more information about 2012- im not ashamed to admit that i have a love for the national geographic channel and an even stronger love for 'investigation discovery'. a while back, i watched 'decoding the past: doomsday 2012', its most defiantly a great piece (it does a fabulous job of making you believe its going down) but i will warn you- even though im sure they tried to remain unbiased in the episode, with a title like 'doomsday 2012' its pretty clear which direction they were leaning.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

random thought #21

random thoughts #21

**lesbian, queer, transgender, bisexual, breeder- it doesnt matter how you identify, if you have that glorious estrogen running in your veins and that precious uterus aching monthly then you must be at the ready for baby fever. it spreads faster than h1n1 or swine, and has been crippling hoards of women for generations. ive noticed it lately in my friends, it starts off innocently enough with comments such as, 'aw, look how adorable that baby is'. it slowly transforms into your friends dropping the 'i want one' line when seeing particularly cute kids. and it ends with you wrestling a turkey baster full of semen out of your girlfriends hands at 3am.
in all honesty, im sure im on a boat with this thought, but i really do feel that people are chatting about children more often lately. i have nothing against kids (thats a lie, nothing makes me want to die inside more than a child with snot crust all over their nose, and lord knows what embedded under their nails) but i know that its not a bridge i want to cross yet in my life.
i know that when i do have children, i will devote my life to them and right now i dont feel like im equipped to be the absolute best parent in the world (talk about understatement, i still think that a dinosaur sleeping bag is a sound investment).

**i read this online, and felt it was too good not to post:
"90 people get the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask.
a million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom."
now sure, i know that mostly ladies read my blog..and of those ladies, most of them are sleeping with other ladies and thus a condom would be a bit much, however- washington dc has the highest rate of HIV and AIDS, so i thought it was worth a mention.

**halloween went great, here are a few pieces of photograpic perfection from that weekend:

my gorgeous friends, emily the deadhead and alisha the chick from the end of 'dude wheres my car'...hail zoltan indeed!

samula the kickball player, my girl donna as pikachu (way to reinforce stereotypes!), and my friend danielle as part of H1N1

just a little something special that you would only find at a party chalked full of hot lesbots

my friend danielle and i, getting RAWRdy! ok. that was a terrible pun, but still- i bet it made u smile a little.

and finally, this photo does nothing but confirm that im a creepy fella indeed. (but you are welcome none the less)

** the DC sniper was put to death today. i was reading different online blogs/facebook status', and frankly i was shocked at the level of anger people still carried with them towards the two snipers. i was in the area when the sniper was around. i suffered just as much as anyone else who wasnt directly touched by them. i was forced to run in zig zags home from school. i was terrified that my parents were going to be sniped away while pumping gas.

we all lived with that fear, but this anger? what does that solve? i consulted my best friend jill hannes because she is the only person i know who can speak and enlighten me no matter what the topic. i told her that while i felt justice was served, it was hard for me to be happy that someone was killed. yes, i know first hand the amount of pain he caused this area and that he robbed the nation of the security of the mundane however i dont feel its my place to say who lives and dies.
jill reminded me that the sniper did just that- chose who lived and died on a whim, he tried to play 'god', got caught, and now has to face the music.
even so- i have a hard time wrapping my mind around glorifying any form of untimely death, justified or not. i do hope that those who thought the execution would bring them closure, found some solace tonight.

** i cleaned my room this weekend and am getting rid of four boxes of clothes- this was, sad to say, EXTREMELY tough for me. im the type of person who can NEVER wear something, but when i hold it in my hands i feel as if i can do anything with it. i can admit im a thrift store impulse buyer, the only way i dont go overboard and invest a whopping seven dollars on fun things like dino sleeping bags
is if my girlfriend comes to the thrift store with me.
if you are a hardcore thrifter like i am, you know that when going to a big store its best to go in with a lot of patience and an open girlfriend does NOT shop like this. in fact, when i bring her along i often end up feeling terribly guilty and leave before my gameplan has been completed because she literally stands there- thats IT. being the empathetic peach that i am all i want to do is make her happy, so then i say 'lets go', which of course turns into a pissing contest because she doesnt want to let me know that shes upset so she pretends she actually does want to be there and then im mad she wont just admit that she hates shopping and she doesnt share my love for all things thrifty.
ahh, love.

<3 u sunshine

Thursday, November 5, 2009

shameless plugs!

shameless plugs
for my friends

attention all youtube enthusiasts! if you were in the mood for more LGBT fun here are a few lesbifriendly (comon, you have to admit, that made up word was pretty good) youtube channels:

currently consists of four delightfully dynamic ladies who answer questions, provide insight, and all around are fun too watch chat it up about gay issues. they reach for a broader market- than say, just lesbians. they aim to reach the LGBTQQIAP crowd. wait- what?
admittedly, much like you, i had no idea such an acronym existed, let alone was considered common vernacular for some. but be that as it may Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer Questioning Intersex and Allies is the group they target. (dont be intimidated by all the words, just know it includes you)
i personally have chatted with mara and shes a hoot, i was partial to her DRAW ME video.

also a lesbian community channel that describes themselves as, '8 fantastic women, from all over the globe, coming together to vlog about life' pretty straight forward id say! they say that flattery will get you anywhere, and in the case of monday lezzismore vlogger sophie- it got her on my blog. on her most recent vlog she gave a shout out to my videos, and subsequently im jocking her page, and lezzismore.

and finally, a personal plug- i put in an audition video to be a new vlogger on 'queerFAQtor'. if you felt so inclined, please leave a comment. while it would be wrong to instruct you to say nice, sweet, heartfelt comments- im sure you know what my intention is by posting this.
(hint: it has a lot to do with 'nice, sweet, heartfelt comments')

onto my favorite blogs-
to be perfectly honest, there are few blogs i read regularly. i often pop in on many, but the few that i make a point to read regularly are worth daily checks...

i think she is incredibly witty and smart, but the main reason i cant get enough is because her life is infinitely more interesting than mine, and more than likely yours as well (no offense- but check out THIS POST in particular, and tell me im wrong. seriously- her life is chalk full of 'are you fucking serious' situations)
also, i can shallowly admit that shes gorgeous and a hipster- and thus, i am a smitten kitten with her.

a lust for words
my friend heather- i know her in real life as well as the bloggosphere, and she is an exceptional person. i often feel a bit voyeuristic when i read her blogs. you really do jump right into her heart, mind, and soul when you follow her work- and you then become connected to her honesty, and openess in regards to life. she also is a tremendous photographer. you should check it out!

i wrote this for you
i dont know the author, ive never really wanted to because i feel given the nature of his/her writings, we arent supposed to know who they are. however my undying romantic heart cant help but frequent the blog as often as the posts appear.

the hitch list
polly, the author of the hitch list, is a girl i can safely say that i have a crush on- and thats solely because of this post. shes a gem, thats for sure- a witty, witty gem.

my soul is a butterfly
ive always been fascinated with jewish people. i cant really nail down what i like most about them, their religious affiliation? their quick wit? their adorable hair? their precious mothers? their insane ability to network amongst other jews? all of the above.
so, you add 'incredibly smart', 'painfully witty', and 'insomniac' into the mix, and you have the perfection that is hannah of 'my soul is a butterfly'...please, please read this post.

is this thing on?
amanda fiercehair is another friend that i knew in real life prior to our online blogaffair. well, thats actually taking a few liberties with our relationship considering there is no affair, but a mutual love of blog is present! she mostly talks about baking fun things, like skull cookies, but i mostly love when she posts her outfits. this girls style is amazing- definitely check her out!

the great divide

the great divide
casual vs monogamy

'i just dont understand why she doesnt talk to me like she talks to you. we are all great friends- i just dont get it.' i said to my girlfriend the other day about a very close mutual friend of ours.
my girlfriend reminded me, 'ashley, you are different from us- thats why she doesnt want to tell you the nitty gritty about her sexapades'

different, what a broad term- however i knew exactly what she meant. some of my friends and i have differing viewpoints on sex, i personally am a monogamous creature. try as i might (alright, its clear i didnt try that hard) i just cant emotionally disconnect myself from being intimate with someone else. and to be perfectly honest, i dont really have any issue with that. sure a part of me is curious what its like to bounce around to something new all the time, but the overwhelming part of me loves the closeness and comfort of someone i truly care about- and on top of that, i do look back on fondly every encounter i have regrets.

now there are people who share my beliefs, but there are others that feel a more casual approach to sex is whats best. the main 'pro' ive heard to having an aloof outlook on intimacy is that emotions come less into play, that if you arent committed or if its understood to be a 'one time thing' no one will get hurt. also, the argument of personal satisfaction comes into play. a very close friend of mine adores women, but has issues with being faithful. she has been known to have beautiful ladies at her beck and call- im serious, she slays the FINEST women...but a relationship is a HUGE commitment for her and her lifestyle. she may argue that shes emotionally detached from all the women shes been with, but i know that there were a few that got to her. she personifies the mentality of 'lets just have a good time right now'.

so whats wrong with that?
absolutely nothing.

i dont personally choose to conduct myself in that way, but mostly because i know that i get too emotionally invested in people. i would in no way ever judge anyone who didnt agree with my views on monogamy and understandably, i expect the same respect. what it all boils down to, is one of my favorite lines that a homeless woman once shouted at me upon my exit from the gay club, 'do you babygirl, do you'. whatever works for you, whatever makes you happy, whatever fulfills you is what you should do.

as it pertains to my friend who doesnt want to talk to me about objectifying women, meaningless hook ups, or her being an all around ladypimp; do you babygirl. you know im not here to judge you, yes its not my business- but who doesnt like a good story? and even though my friend wont tell me what happened this weekend in graphic detail, every lesbian knows- the truth comes out eventually ;-) and babygirl, i know what you did on the couch!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

dear lesbifriends

dear lesbifriends;

happy election day to you. its 10:30pm est and its still a bit too close to call in maine as far as their gay marriage proposal is concerned. (by the way, check out the video posted below.
a proposal of a different kind at the DC council meeting- it made me cry..) at my work establishment everyone is super inundated with news, ALL the time. when people die- im aware the minute it crosses the wire, when 13% of a precinct is projecting a winner in a gubernatorial election- im on point; when a silver alert (which i learned yesterday is for the old folks, and an amber alert is for children) is issued- i know what type of geriatric character is mia.

with all of that said, i hope you all accept my apology as my post today is lacking. i was practicing 'responsibility' and focused all of my efforts towards my workload today (shocking considering my paycheck would lead one to believe im 7 years old and work at a textile factory). however, if i can be honest with you, im in love with my job and although it can be time consuming, tedious, and turn me into a robot- i wouldnt give it up for anything.

thats a lie. why do i feel obligated to say that. yes- im thrilled with my job, and i find my work rewarding, but ive been busting my hump looking for
that job thats going to change my world. i- like most of my peers- have been tirelessly searching for a path in live thats going to fulfill us. im still on that path, this job a mere step on the way to that point. oh no- im going to stop now, i had no intention of having this little letter go down the path of 'hopes, dreams, and work'. not today ashbash, brevity is key.

i shall return tomorrow, assuming my workload thins out. but even if not- you know i cant stay away.

so long,

Monday, November 2, 2009

happy full beaver moon

happy full beaver moon
also happy november

im sure you all were expecting me to blog about my halloween adventures. you were perhaps thinking of popping on by the ol' lesbifriends site, see what happened in my neck of the woods this weekend. well guess what? im throwing you a curve ball (its clear by 'curve ball' i actually mean 'ive misplaced my camera cord, and thus cant upload any photos right now') but regardless, today is a day to celebrate something that in some social circles is held in higher regard than halloween.

i know- it feels almost blasphemous to say that any day could in fact be greater than halloween but i learned, its not at all impossible. you see today my favorite coworker came up to me and was mentioning a conversation she had partaken in earlier in the day. an even older coworker had spoken with her of the full moon tonight, and how it was a full beaver moon. she of course sheepishly chuckled and went about her day but not without telling me of such a funny title.

upon hearing this, i did a little research- was it possible that i didnt know about an actual day called 'full beaver moon'?! how had i missed it, all these years- can you even imagine all of the fun, mildly inappropriate yet still intellectually rooted, zingers i could whip out on a day such as this? well friends, i come bearing fabulous news- the farmers almanac indeed does refer to this full moon, as the full beaver moon.

the story behind it, almost supports the legitimacy of the day if for no other reason than the story seems like something a hunter/gatherer would make up in order to remember to set the beaver traps. or the story is- in my humble opinion, a really big letdown- and pretty lame given the awesomeness of the title.

i took it upon myself to write a new fun backstory to go along with the full beaver moon. with the mention of moon, i felt the easiest approach would be that of something vampiric (you bet your sweet ass i just made up that word) however i quickly remembered while i think the vampire genre is fun- i think we can all admit they are a bit over played as of late, subsequently my story does not include any vampires.


full beaver moon
modified definition by ashley

often misinterpreted as the time when the beaver traps were set before the winter so as to have enough pelts to keep the locals warm, 'full beaver moon' in actuality refers to a sight that is rarely seen to those outside of the female race. its not uncommon for lesbians in particular to witness this occurrence, as they both sleep with and posses a full beaver. (beaver, of course a pseudonym for 'vagina' or 'snatchbox' as i prefer to say)
the full beaver moon ocurs only when completely disrobed and a woman then bends over. one will only spot a full beaver moon if standing directly behind said woman when she backs it up.
'a full fanny + snatch shot' is its street term, but this author would never use such crass terms to address the beauitful perfection that is the full beaver moon.