Friday, November 27, 2009

the chart

the chart
and the cornucopia of drama

i believe sex is personal, if i believed the contrary- id be in porn. with that said, i do enjoy when my friends feel so inclined as to feed me gritty details regarding their sexual exploits. but what if, at a glance, a stranger could see your entire sexual history? what if you saw your girlfriend had an extensive sexy past with a slue of other women, before you swept her off her feet? what if a momentary lapse in judgment turned into a line connecting you and a mistake?

dc lesbians are asking themselves those questions and more. i feel as if its been common knowledge for a while that there was a sex chart floating around...but what people didnt seem to understand was that it was never destroyed- that is, until it was posted online.

just imagine for a moment if you were on that chart and it was put up. uh- can you say, 'shitstorm'?? i first became aware of the chart resurfacing when my facebook mini-feed became flooded with 'omfg, thats really fucked up', 'he needs to take that down', 'baby- i dont care about your past, just about our futures' (btw, that was the perfect response to the whole situation, kudos to that couple). i was pretty out of the loop, then a friend of mine brought me up to speed on the situation.

apparently the story is more dramatic than just a straight forward, 'the owner of the chart posted it online for whatever reason'. an unnamed fella took a picture of the chart, which was hanging on the owners wall. he then (without the owners permission) posted it on facebook. now i never saw it, nor do i know if people were tagged or it was simply uploaded, but people were pissed. the people on the chart were horrified that it was put on such a public platform.

i know that my name is on the chart (kinda like a kite just hovering above with a string attaching me to the bunch) but to be honest that sort of shit doesnt bother me. if i dont know you, i owe you nothing. if its true, ill admit to it. if its not true, fuck that nosie, lets just dance. but i also dont have very much to hide- fucking right im lame as hell, want some? i did feel for those who did have something to hide. i know a lot of girls who came out very young, and thus have been getting naked with other girls for a while now.
is it fair to judge someone whos slept with a lot of people?
is it fair to judge anyone at all?
we are all flawed.

many of the people involved with the whole shitshow were upset with the owner of the chart. the only thing i fault that person with is being careless in their handling of such precious information. when people trust you with that sort of dirt, you cant go running your mouth- or treating the info without respect. those upset with the owner seem to forget where all the information came from..they themselves are the ones who put the information out there. however, thats not the case for everyone on the chart- i know i never wrote my name anywhere, nor did my girlfriend or my ex and yet there we are. some people were just the unfortunate other half to the equation. but the owner assured me that the information written on the chart was never just hearsay- it was always substantiated (at least relatively so, its not like there are lesbian-sex-fact-checkers...however, if thats a new job title, i will sacrifice myself to take it- im such a martyr.)

as to put the blame 100% on the owners shoulders is unfair. how i see it, the owner of the chart would have never posted it online- ever. this much i know for sure. the owner of the chart would have never intentionally hurt those around her- ever. sure, she should have been more careful with whos eyes were peeping every ones sex history, but thats the only thing i think is fair to blame on her. lets not forget- she did not post it online, nor did she make up all the connections on that chart.
i think this unnamed fella pull a class one: douche move.

so, whats the moral of this story?
that our anger is often times misplaced on the first person we think is too blame, then we are too proud to admit we were wrong. yes, im talking to you gw bush, and also some dc lesbots.

i could have been pissed. my name was on it. but i wasnt- know why? because, lets break it down- its a chart with names and lines..i enjoy coloring books just as much as the next girl, but its not worth getting too worked up about. we are all in this town together, we are all sleeping together, we all understand and accept these things- and yet we get our feathers all ruffled when shit goes down. we all just need to chill, maybe hug it out, perhaps write friendly notes to each other to foster better relations..
but most of all, just be lesbifriends!!


  1. you're a really good writer

  2. I agree with anonymous.

    I also agree that it's not worth getting too worked up about. (Though, admittedly, I immediately wondered if the chart was...regional...or how far of a span it covered.)

    The Chart does better on The L Word than in real life.

  3. I saw the chart on facebook but you couldn't even see anything. No one was tagged or anything. Lets be real here, there are no secrets in the lesbian community. I could probably make a chart just based off of my own knowledge. Seriously if you are ashamed of your shenanigans then maybe you shouldn't do them in the first place. I can understand the stand point of making a mistake but anyone who cares about you will already know about it and have forgiven you. NO BIG DEAL!

  4. hannah- you will be thrilled to know the chart is far reaching. i know that it has some new yorkers on it...and if you have hooked up with any lesbians at bard- well then you should be on the list as well! lol

    and heather- i totally agree. its not like any big shockers came out of the chart. everything was public knowledge- now i will argue there is something to be said for privacy but that defense kinda is thrown out the door when you sharpie your sex list on a wall in someones house.