Thursday, December 31, 2009

dear lesbifriends, happy new year

to all my dearest lesbifriends,

i started this blog back in july with the intention of having a resting place for my scattered thoughts. what was once just a silly little page where a few of my friends read my thoughts on topics that were important to us, has transformed into a sassy blog in her preteens. lesbifriends.blogspot is growing along with her readers, taking dips and turns and going through blog puberty.

haha, alright, perhaps writing this post in the pre-party stages of new years eve partying was a poor choice on my part, but be that as it may my friends! i wanted to take this time to sincerely thank you all for reading, and interacting with me. your support throughout this year has been tremendous, and i dont know if you all will ever know just how much you mean to me.

my blog is very much an extension of me. i can be completely transparent about my sexuality and i can share a curtness with you all that would be unfathomable in the 'real world'. i hope that one day the openness i share on my blog will be how it is in MY real world. but even if that day never comes, i will continue to try to unite us all through lesbian tales ive seen- i will continue to pour my opinions into witty posts, while always trying to remain as unbiased as possible (its my undying journalistic spirit, i tell ya!)- i will continue to try and prove that anger, hate, and aggressiveness is best combated with sensible, honest minds and words- and i will continue to believe that while the title may be 'lesbifriends', the subject matter speaks to straight or anything in between.

take care my lesbifriends, and be safe tonight- if you are out in the DC area, heres the sober ride info (its free upto $50, anything on top of thats on you- thats a sweet deal, considering the alternative DUI)

happy new year everyone,

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

holiday wrap-up (thank god we are moving on)
and new years eve plans

things i learned after making this video:
- i always assumed my girlfriend appreciated my quirky line of thinking, however i know now that shes either texting someone else or rolling her eyes at me...with love, im sure.
- the 'stock jewish dreidel' music was a perfect choice for our slide show..ive now completed my mission to work a jewish reference into every holiday video/post ive made this year.
-never again will i make a video whilst in the throws of insomnia...its a far too transparent version of just how erratic my thoughts can be.
- i needed chapstick...bad.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

its all fun and games until the bisexual dates a boy

its all fun and games
until the bisexual dates a boy

bisexuality, to some, is a pit stop on the road to coming out; but for others it is the final fluid resting place for ones sexual classification. as of late, i have a particular soft spot for my bisexual friends, as its become more and more clear to me that their life is in no way easy. i know that all involved in the LGBT community have it rough, but often bisexuals are swept under the rug and written off as 'confused', 'selfish', or 'wanting it all'. if i know one thing about bisexuality its not that they want everyone, they just dont see gender in the way that others do. its not that they lack morals and are sexual deviants- they simply embrace all people, regardless of gender.

i think the face of bisexuality is becoming increasingly one we are more familiar with, but unfortunately those who are publicly coming out arent necessarily doing much to kill the 'bisexual party girl' stigma. while i dont know miss aubrey o'day on a personal level, her public persona is that of a bit of a harlot. now, where she to be standing in front of me in her birthday suit, i dont think i would exactly fight her off- but i would demand a shower and a disinfectant spritz with lysol...i have a healthy fear of STDs, as should you, but i digress. angie jolie is arguably one of the better pillars in the bisexual world- but still, that community is lacking their ellen, the voice of reason to accurately depict who bisexuals are.

in my social circles we most certainly have our bisexuals, but within that circle are different tiers. you have your stereotypical party bisexuals, the straight girls who like to come and dip their toes in the gay waters but make an exit prior to actually doing anything (aside from stirring up a shitstorm). then you have your pitstop bisexuals, those who arent yet comfortable being out completely and thus this is their halfway point. the last level of bisexuals are those who are legitimately everything they claim to be- they love both men and women, and thats that.

most level-headed lesbians have no issue with those who identify as bisexuals, in fact most of the girls i know have even slept with a bi or two- so wheres the disconnect? how can we as a community preach acceptance and tolerance and still hold onto our own personal prejudices? why is there a stigma surrounding bisexuals, and how can we go about fixing this?

i suppose i should back up a little bit, and explain the stigma of which i speak. a few weeks ago i was talking to fellow queerfaqtor vlogger, chelle, about the downside to bisexuality and pansexuality. she mentioned something that really stuck with me- lesbians are ok with a bisexual, as long as shes dating a girl. but when/if she dates a boy, they turn on her. now you know me, i hate generalities and live to disprove them, or at least explain the other side- but i hung my head in shame after that comment. it may not be true for everyone, but i have seen the turn happen first hand.

before i met my dreamboat of a girlfriend, i had talked to a few bisexuals. ok- you caught me- thats a lie...i spoke to one bisexual- we all know im no lady killer. so this one girl and i have had one of those oober-flirtatious relationships. while no one has ever been intimate with the other, we have a close, fun relationship. early on in college, i was enamored by her- long wavy hair, the persona of a hippie, intelligent as all get out. time goes on, she falls for a boy and they live happily ever after. now admittedly, when they first began their love affair, i felt slighted. i was hurt, and took the move as 'man vs woman', instead of her simply following her heart.

i know now not to be so quick to judge, or to in any way think that a bisexual dating a man or a woman has anything to do with a gender power struggle but i still feel bad for my past mistakes. ive seen girls start to date boys and then they are made to feel as if they are selling out, or in some way are less a bisexual because they can so easily hop into the heterosexual waters.

i extend to you my sincerest apologies for my past indiscretions, and misjudging your portion of the community. i hope that some day (as pollyanna-ish as it may sound) we can all get along, and try to really understand where we all are coming from.
i hope someday, we can all just be lesbifriends!!

ultimately, we are all rolling around this crazy world together, we might as well try to get along while we are doing it. so your bisexual friend wants a little wang chung in her life, to each his own my friend! whats that you say? a bisexual wants to be taken seriously and not a punchline in a catchy katy perry single?? you got it! (not that i can actually make that happen, but ill try my darnedest for you little lady!) woah, a bisexual that actually dates both men and women!? no longer shall it be shunned, at least not in my presence!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

if i were a boy

if i were a boy...
even just for a day

its not often that i think about being a lil guy. im pretty content rocking the XX chromosome. but, after beyonce planted the seed of 'if i were a boy' in my mind, it got my gears going- what if i in fact were a boy? who would i be? ive given it far more thought than i should and came up with this XY recipe to imitate little ol' me:
  • 2 cups david bowie (during his space oddity years- but still pre lightning bolt on the face/ glam rock much as id like to see myself as a glam rock bowie, i know that im not quite that ostentatious and magical looking on the regular.)
  • 1 kilo of snoop dogg, and an 8th of biggie
  • 1 tsp of jon stewart (with a drizzling of willy ferrel- whip briskly together until blended evenly)
  • 1 scoop of vince masuka from dexter
  • an entire andy warhol
  • 3 cups jonathan safran foer (this is blatantly wishful thinking, as this man is a literary powerhouse and my favorite author, but i wrote the recipe so whatever i say goes)
  • 2 handfuls of the king of gonzo himself, mr. hunter s. thompson
  • a sprig of dr.drew (more his radio show days, less his 'sex rehab' days)
  • 3/4 cup salvador dalĂ­
  • 1 gallon of dwight schrute, if only so i too can be the assistant to the regional manager

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

holidays shamolidays: 'tis the season i wish i was jewish
...even more than normal.

kind of a broad topic, but after i reviewed this video i realized my love for jewish culture is now borderline obsessive. i wouldnt classify myself as a cynic when it comes to the holidays, i most certainly am a firm believer in magic, and whimsy, and mystery but i dont need to start getting ready in september.
also, i have no problem with giving to charities, however salvation army bell ringers? that bell is jarring as hell and makes me want to claw my eyes out...might i suggest a violin.

Monday, December 21, 2009

out of the closet yet still in the woods

out of the closet
yet still in the woods

being 'out of the closet' is synonymous with being openly gay, but often times identifying oneself as either 'in' or 'out' doesnt tell the whole story. i consider most of my friends out of the closet, but when i reevaluate what it means to be 'out' im no longer convinced that they meet that standard- and i question whether i can even classify myself as out.

what does it mean to be out? i regard myself out as a lesbian, however there are those who dont know that im gay.
does that make me less out? when i stated i 'came out' it was after i finally admitted to myself that i was gay, and then subsequently told my family. is coming out solely a personal experience? is it more about admitting to oneself, or to those around us? ive come to the conclusion that there are levels of being out.


level one: coming out to yourself
this is arguably the scariest stage of coming out. generally speaking, those in this stage arent a part of the gay community, or lack interaction with it as they are just dipping their toes into the gay waters. unfortunately, this is also the time when many feel the most alone and depressed, as if there is no place to turn and they are completely alone. of course, we know that this could not be further from the truth- that all it takes is a bit of courage to step up and show your face, and the gay community is very welcoming.

i know that one of the hardest things for me, was introducing myself to the gay community. from the outside looking in, it seemed like a world so unlike anything id ever seen before. i worried constantly that i wouldnt fit in, i doubted myself, i wasnt sure of anything- it was a postpubecent version of high school. its not until one is comfortable with themselves, and can say 'i am gay' to others in order to move on to the next step.

level two: coming out to your friends
this is the stage ive found a lot of my friends are in. they identify 100% (or in some cases 50%...i didnt forget you bisexuals!) as gay, they are out in our social scene, they are comfortable in the gay world, but they still refuse to come out completely. their families have no idea how they live their lives, and even if they have their suspicions- often times the parents are so in denial, covering for their children is no problem.

my nana covers for me all the time. ive never discussed with her my being gay. she has met girlfriends of mine, and she adores danielle (my girlfriend, who is referred to as 'my very good friend' by my nana) but she has never said to me, 'ashley i know you are gay'- nor have i ever felt compelled to exclaim to her, 'nana im a dyke'. she does however know im gay. (i only know this because last christmas my mother got me a shirt that said 'i kissed a girl and i liked it'. i tried to hide the shirt, and told my mother later in the day that i was worried my nana saw it. she said 'nana knows you are gay, are you kidding me?' no, i was not in fact kidding you..well- good to know) she is very big into the church scene and her friends often ask, 'hows ashley doing?' my nana loves to gloat about my life, as grandmothers do, but i find it hilarious that one of the things shes most proud of is my commitment to my job and my work ethic as a whole. she will often point to THIS as the reason i dont have a boyfriend, 'oh my ashley is far too motivated to waste her time with men!' i mean, shes not exactly lying now is she?

level three: coming out to your family
i know that i speak about my friends as if they are all comfortable with their sexuality, and for the most part they all are. however its not uncommon for people to be sure of their sexuality and yet still keep their families in the dark. certainly not something i necessarily suggest or endorse, but i felt obligated to let others who arent out know that they arent alone. whether they fear their families will completely shun them, or they worry that their parents will no longer support them, or simply dont feel its their families business.

im very close with my family and felt that if i was going to be out i had to clue them in on that portion of my life. it was not an option to lie, or try to hide who i was. in hindsight, i probably was a bit too demonstrative in my coming out with my family. i was extremely vocal, in that i wanted them to know that i was sure of my sexuality. this was something i had grappled and come to terms with and i wanted them to be 100% on board with me.

i learned very quickly you should never expect a certain response from anyone. in my head, my parents were going to be completely open and accepting, as they are now, but these things take time. just as it took me years to admit to myself i was gay, it is something that family members have to adjust to- regardless of how open minded they may be.


i think being out on whatever level you are comfortable with is whats most important. even if you are just flirting with coming out of the closet just know that you are not alone, and that there are people out there who will accept you.

Friday, December 18, 2009


yet another reason your gaydar sucks

a little part of me dies when they revise the dictionary year after year; adding words that arent really words, adding incorrect spellings of words just to appease the masses who refuse to spell them correctly (really oxford dictionary? grrl? REALLY?) or arguably our proudest moment as americans- when we straight up make up words and they catch on. metrosexual combines both 'metropolitan' and 'heterosexual' and is now accepted as common verbiage when referring to a fancy straight man.

if you read my blog with any sense of regularity you know that i live for the days when i can be amongst the scholars at the oxford dictionary 'new word finding committee', and i too can make up words- just be-fucking-cause.

so as i was flipping through my mind-rolodex of words, i noted that there was no word to describe a female metrosexual. now im sure most of you will argue that there doesnt need to be a word, as the definition of metrosexual could only refer to a straight man. but my friends, leave it to me to put a fresh, creative, new spin on it. metrosexual can be defined as a straight man who possesses stereotypically homosexual traits. so then, it would make sence for the definition of metrobian to be a straight girl who walks, talks, and acts like a stereotypical lesbot.

metrobians have been popping up all over the place, and im torn at how i feel about this. part of me is overjoyed because it means that the lines that divide us are becoming less and less easy to see, but the overwhelming part of me is frustrated with this because now i have no idea who im allowed to hit on. well, less 'who im allowed to hit on' and more 'who would accept my advances were i both single and had any amount of game when it comes to hitting on other women'. it was already painful enough, what with my horrible gaydar, for me to strike up a convo with a fellow lady lover but now i have a boat of straight girls who are wrapped up in the gayest boxes ive ever seen.

stylistically, i cant blame them- i mean, gay or straight, these chicks look great. the wife beaters, the buddy holly glasses, the scarves, anything from american apparel or urban- there is a science to how these ladies choose appear. imagine if a butch lesbian had a baby with a hipster, then that baby grew up and had a crazy one night stand with the fonz. then the bastard child that popped out of that relationship would be none other than a metrobian. these ladies have the undeniable confidence that comes along with every strong woman. they are cooler than you, and they know it- they are more indie than you, and they know it- they know more than you about lame bands that havent 'sold out to corporate america', and they know it. these girls are also very comfortable slipping in and out of the homosexual scene. normally its easy to peg the typical faghag, but outwardly metrobians appear to be gay and thus hanging with a bunch of homosexuals doesnt raise any red flags. they will flirt with you, they will engage in some witty banter- but dont be fooled, all of this isnt at all indicitive of their sexuality. they are straight, and pretty damn proud generally speaking.

ultimately, i think the idea of metrobians is great (and not because it was born in my brain)! with all joking aside, i do believe that its a great step in a longer stride towards no lines to blur us, or to mar our visions of each other. sexuality shouldnt be something that one can see right off the bat (however, i will admit that there are some gays that look really gay) and maybe if we reach a point where we no longer see sexuality written all over our clothes, then we can all be one big happy family that sleep together*.

*i, of course, mean this in a completely platonic way, as i respect you for your mind and would never ever try to ruin our relationship by crossing a sexy bridge.
furthermore, my girlfriend is the greatest spooner in the WORLD and finally- families shouldnt sleep together.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

where you NEED to go

the ladies of LURe present:
BARE's 1 Year Anniversary @ Cobalt

since posting, living off the gay grid last week, i have received several emails from ladies who told me that they too were living a life devoid of fellow lesbots and they yearned for more. (not that there is anything wrong with living this life, but it is nice sometimes to turn to those who understand the gay world) they asked me, 'where can i go to start meeting women'- ladies, it seems as if they gay gods heard your little cries and have answered with giant, BAM BABY!

its rare that a ladies night works consistently. i have no idea why but generally, the pattern goes something like this:


'hey! theres a new ladies night, lets all go and see how it is. if its a bust we can just go back to our local dives, but i think its gonna bring out a good crowd.'

the first night more than likely gives you enough hope to come back again the next time.

'the crowd is a little bit different, and its not as packed but still worth a cover charge and a taxi ride'
the second time the event goes on, you dont leave disappointed per say but you do have a bit of a different vibe. the novelty of a 'new event' is starting to wear off.

'did someone send out a mass email to NOT come here? where did everyone go?'
admittedly, this is when i enjoy going to the event because its at this point in time that i can flail my arms around wildly and dance to whatever song in my heart at the moment without fear of punching people in the throat.

'oh shit, they are still having that event?'
everyone has forgotten about the event, and is already looking for the next best thing.


the conclusion that is to be drawn from all this, is that club promoters and event coordinators need to constantly change up events in order to keep a consistent crowd rolling in. either that or just throw rad events regularly and build up a good repore with your clients. the main problem with this is that lesbians are a different breed, having been to both gay and straight events ive come to the conclusion that lesbians can be incredibly fickle.

ive found my friends to fall into one of two categories. you have the group who is perfectly content skipping the club/event scene and going to the same dive bar, or the same house party weekend after weekend. then you have the group who wants to find the biggest best event of the night, every night.

so how in the world are lesbian club/event promoters supposed to appease everyone? how does free champagne, celebrity guest appearances by some of 'the l word' cast (of course i have no idea who exactly is coming but im crossing my fingers for miss leisha hailey), hot lady go-go dancers provided by red bull, chances to win passes for dinah shore or queer prom, sound to you? still not convinced this is a party not to be missed? how about the fact that their will be a red carpet and a photographer on hand? yah, you love that dont you, you little narcissist!

all of that and MORE is being offered by the ladies of
LURe. in order to celebrate the one year anniversary of BARE at cobalt, they have pulled out all stops. first off, i think congratulations are in order for even having an event that lasts an entire year- let alone one that can still pull in a healthy amount of ladies month after month. the third saturday of every month is when BARE at cobalt generally runs, but this saturday will outdo all before it.

so- now that you are dying to go, heres the information you need to know. there are two different options as far as cover charges go- the regular rate is considered 'general admission' at $10, whereas the VIP option is $25. now im no lush, but im going to opt for the VIP, because from what i understand it comes with 'free champagne'. regardless of which you choose, this is most defiantly not an event to be missed. cobalt is located at 1639 r st nw, washington dc 20009 (essentially at 17th and r nw). doors open at 10pm, and this is NOT the night to be fashionably late. its going to be crowded, so getting there early is a good life choice.

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

lesbifriends x queerFAQtor wednesday=
debunking gay myths, rumors and stereotypes

to expand on the topics that were discussed in this video, i think its important to stress i understand that not everyone is as ok with the gay community as i am. i personally am entitled to my belief of those who dont support me and my world, are both narrow minded and hateful- but i know that it would be hypocritical of me to not allow them the same chance to speak that i get. you will find that i disagree with many of my peers on this- i dont think its right to counter a movement against gays with anger and name calling, an eye for an eye leaves us both blind (ghandi). when you step back and think rationally, there is always a logical way of explaining things and even if there isnt, spewing venom solves nothing. you do whatever makes you happy in this great big world, and im going to do the same. ill respect all of those around me, and hope that the same privilege is afforded to me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

way to go washington dc!

DC City Council votes to legalize gay marriage

WASHINGTON — Washington D.C.'s City Council has voted to legalize gay marriage in the nation's capital.

Mayor Adrian Fenty has promised to sign the bill, which was co-sponsored by 10 of the council's 13 members. The final vote Tuesday was 11-2.

The bill now goes to Congress, which has final say over the district's laws. Opponents say they'll try to get Congress or voters to overturn it.

Passage of the bill is a victory for gay marriage supporters, who have been dealt a recent string of defeats in Maine, New York and New Jersey.

Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa and Vermont. New Hampshire will begin issuing licenses in January.

If Congress doesn't reject the bill, D.C. should start issuing marriage licenses around St. Patrick's Day.

Monday, December 14, 2009

feelin blue

im sorry
re: this post

generally speaking, im an absurdly optimistic person. this isnt an accident- it has taken years to perfect the craft of consistently 'looking on the bright side' but when i slip, i most certainly make it count. my thoughts today were consumed with negative, angry, sad, and dark things. i tried to just focus on something else, but i finally just threw my hands up and admitted that i now felt compelled to try and expell these thoughts on my overall positive blog. fear not, im sure ill shake this soon, but as for now- im sorry, but these thoughts need to be let go.

i hate portions of myself. i hate very few things in the world, as i think its a strong emotion that- like love- shouldnt be thrown around all willy nilly. i feel as though inside of me theres this unmeasurable ability to do good, accomplish things of substance, live a life im proud of, inspire and be inspired by those around me, and be a genuine person. i know its there, but there are times that im more able to see my flaws. i know that im not unique in being my own worst enemy. i know that its a counter intuitive cycle that i shouldnt allow myself to get into, and yet here i sit.

looking back on all my flaws, all my imperfections, all the storms ive weathered- i know rationally, that humans have an uncanny ability to live through many trying situations. i think of my life compared to the plights of others, and im humbled in how much worse things could be. i havent been held against my will in a concentration camp, i havent been a slave, ive never been abused by a family member. now that doesnt diminish the shit that i have over come. ive been through my own personal hell and i will never forget that...some days i feel like im never going to shake the darkness completely.

i know that life is like the waves in that there is a constant flow, there are tides, and highs and lows. i try to rest my head at night with the thought that if i try to keep my flame of positivity lit in my heart that in time, i will get what i put out there.

just going to keep on, keeping on. (if i werent so blue, id totally break out into the brady bunch song- keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancin on through the NIGHT!)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

thoughts on 'true love'

thoughts on 'true love'
what do you think??

to elaborate a bit more on the video-
i feel a bit stupid that i didnt stress it more in the vlog, but i am aware that a visceral and cerebral love sound pretty much the same. however, i know firsthand that a mind connection with someone is completely different than when your gut tells you to be with someone. ive had encounters with people where i have been blown away by their intellect, and yet have no physical attraction towards them whatsoever. there have been others who on paper are all wrong for me, and yet there is that undeniable 'chemistry' for lack of a better word.

ultimately, to answer my friends question- i dont know. no one can explain love, its emotion- try explaining happiness in a way that appeases everyone, try explaining anger, try explaining regret or depression...its not going to happen because love does something different to each and every one of us.

living off the gay grid

living off the gay grid
every lesbian needs a gang

it has come to my attention that not every lesbian rolls deep. sure, almost the entirety of my social structure is comprised of lesbians (aside from my coworkers); and sure, 90% of those women i associate with on a regular basis have made some sort of sexual contact with another woman i know; but thats not the case for countless lesbians out there. there is an entire sect of lady lovers that are missing out on the glory that is the daily goings-on in the lesbian world. there are some lesbians whos only contact with lesbians is THEIR OWN GIRLFRIEND! blasphemous, i say. generally these girls are either in areas where the gay scene is lacking, they work in a closeted environment and/or are still in the closet themselves, or they just like straight people more. lately, ive been talking to more and more lesbians that are 'living off the gay grid'.

simply 'living off the grid' is when one lives in a self-sufficient manner without using any sort of public utilities. 'living off the gay grid', is when a gay isnt involved in the community and has very little contact with other gays. i once lived off the gay grid- shocking, i know, considering now im swimming in gay-infested waters. when i was first coming out i had no idea where to turn. it wasnt that i was shunned by my hetero peers- in fact all of my friends were incredibly supportive, i just needed to surround myself with like minded people. i needed some gay enablers up in my life!

i started out befriending a lot of flamboyant gay men, they were easy enough to spot. we got along well (read: they laughed at my jokes which i loved, and i let them dress me up which they loved) this then evolved slowly into what i now have, which is a life rich in gays. i never really counted that as one of my blessings until i began to talk to people who didnt have the same situation. now, let me be sure to clarify- i love heterosexuals, hell, i love people in general. i think there is so much that can be learned from every single individual out there- we all have stories and lessons socked away in the back of our minds that are just waiting to come out and be shared with the world. but there is something to be said for being around those who love the same sex as you do. a comradery, a brotherhood (or sisterhood as it were), a bond, is shared between those in the LBGT community- its something that should be treated with respect.

i know i complain from time to time about 'lesbian drama' or how gays treat eachother, but deep down i wouldnt trade my life for the world. i absolutely love being saturated in lesbians and bisexuals (truer words were never spoken, but literal and figurative) and i love being a lesbian. i love being involved in whats going on in the community, i love fighting for my rights arm and arm with likeminded people, goddamnit- i just love being gay.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

lesbifriends x queerFAQtor wednesday=
a whole lotta ashley

so im not entirely sure if i want to dub this latest installment as my highest high or lowest low. im torn because i personally feel as if the first 10 seconds are the most gloriously, topical and entertaining moments (arguably) of ones life, however i also realized that im wearing a dinosaur/alligator headdress while putting a creative spin on 'bad romance' by lady gaga.

whatever it is, it is amazing.

Monday, December 7, 2009

random thought #24

random thought #24
on a manic monday..well less 'manic' and more 'lame'

  • ive mentioned a local favorite band of mine several times throughout the lifetime of my blog, soja (soldiers of jah army) are arlington va natives and are all around rad fellas. i had to post this song, as the lyrics are some of my favorite written by the band and more importantly because they are on tour again. i cant wait to see them just after christmas!
  • i know that its not hard to draw parallels between katy perry and zooey deschanel (what with them looking nearly identical and all), however i feel as if poor zooey has gotten the short end of the stick. i have nothing against katy perry (even if i hated her song for a while, as every straight person i associated with found it hilarious to shout 'this songs for you' every time it came on. thanks guys- thanks for wrapping my sexuality up into a nice, healthy pop anthem that glorifies sexual fluidity yet in the same stanza claims homosexuality feels 'so wrong') but i think zooey is a bigger talent. shes a bankable actress, has flawless milky skin, and admittedly i just plain like her music more.
  • i initially fell in love with the kills during 'the tape song'...but as of this moment in time im loving cheap and cheerful:
  • on sunday the discovery channel aired its new series called 'clash of the dinosaurs' and of course i both recorded it and watched it. its really one of the better dinosaur docu-series, full to the brim full of incredibly fascinating dinosaur facts. even if you arent an avid fan of them, i still suggest you watch this. my girlfriend does not share my dino love, however she (was forced to by my puppy dog eyes) watched the show and i think enjoyed it.
  • is it just me or does ke$ha (who is on the rise for her song, tik tok) sound a lot like uffie? i personally love uffie and have a shitton of remixes of hers on my computer...but its something that bothers me. its clear it doesnt bother me that much, as i still love that catchy 'tik tok' song.
  • seriously lesbians, can you stop dating girls with your name or that look identical to you? its happening all around me and its making me feel uncomfortable. ive mentioned both of these things before and its clear no one took my advice.
  • after i finished my budget for this month i realized while i have enough to cover all of my bills i have literally zippy left for christmas gifts. at first i was pretty bummed considering i really do love giving gifts, making people happy, and finding the gift that wasnt asked for but most definitely one that they wanted. i became increasingly more depressed realizing that i was obsessing over money again and thats never been a trait id like to claim. how is it that i dont want to be the type of person concerned with money and monetary things and yet this 'real world', 'living paycheck to paycheck' bullshit is really waring me down. i cant help but obsess over money that i dont have. its not that im yearning for more to buy lavish things, i just want to be comfortable- and quite frankly this market is no longer going to cut it.
  • it bothers me that many in the lbgt community feel as if there are too many lables in our little world, and yet those same people are coming up with new and creative ways to define themselves daily. look- i believe sexuality is fluid. i have no problem with that argument, however just because i identify as a lesbian (and yes that means i dont leave the door open for any fella to walk through) doesnt mean im narrow minded. yes, pansexuals dont see sex in those they love, but i very much do. i dont care what you identify as, but when you start preaching about being open minded and not suffering from the 'boundaries of gender' thats where i draw the line. there is nothing wrong with stating your love for one gender (yes im defending both breeders AND lesbians) if thats how you feel! theres nothing narrow minded about being true to yourself. we are a community that prides itself on its inclusionary nature, and yet the more labels we find the more divisive our world becomes.

Friday, December 4, 2009

left for ex

left for ex
but not left for dead!
break ups are never a trip in the park; at best they dissolve naturally- at worst they require a restraining order and you are the proud owner of one very broken lamp. but no matter how amicably things are solved there is still that period of mourning where introspection takes place and one attempts to pick themselves up and move along with life. this is generally the time where its both appropriate and encouraged to surround yourself with friends. these friends will then will shower you with a never ending amount of compliments, drinks, or whatever you might need to shake the funk. this is also the time for you to feed yourself the bullshit you might not believe now, but you need to hear. (i am worth something, i will find someone new, i will be fine...) however with all of that said, there is one break up situation thats particularly nasty for one party to recover from. the most difficult post-breakup recovery i had was not only the first time my heart was broken, but when i was left for the ex.

no amount of optimism can really explain away when someone chooses another over you, and thus the recovery time is different for everyone. i remember when i had been dumped in the past it was easy for me to live in the delusional state where you tell yourself, 'it wasnt meant to be, i will survive' but what does one tell themselves when you are left for an ex?? what about an ex that was abusive and
antipathetic to any sort of healthy relationship?

a beautiful friend of mine recently felt the sting of being left for an ex. when my friend and her new girls relationship began to evolve, they were taking it slow. they chose to be cautious as both had been burned in the past, they tried to do everything as safely as possible but as soon as my friend allowed herself to fall- the girl bolted back to the arms of her ex. claiming, 'theres no reason not to be with her. she is a great person.' if you are that on the fence about whom you are going to be in a relationship with perhaps you should be more upfront from the get go.

playing devils advocate, as i often do, could you imagine leaving someone for your ex? when i think hard about it, i feel as if i have done something close to that before. while ive never left a current relationship for a previous one, i have been casually seeing people who i then essentially turned down for my ex at the time. earlier this year i was really struggling with what to do as it pertained to my love life. my girlfriend and i had separated for a little bit and it was during this time that a girl i had regarded as a friend became more than that. things never really had a chance to fully develop because as time went on, i became riddled with guilt. on the one hand i felt untrue to my ex- whom i still loved, but was very confused as to our future. on the other hand the possibility of something new was enticing, but i couldnt shake the feeling that i was throwing something away prematurely. i tried to be as upfront as possible with everyone involved, as i would have wanted the same respect.

what i do know definitively was that there were no winners in that whole situation. i had a friend, turned more than a friend who felt slighted, hurt, and for a while there- pretty vindictive towards me. then i had an ex, turned current girlfriend, who was thrilled i was back with her, and now sure of our love but who also felt burned by my needing of space and seeking comfort in the arms of another. and then there was little old me who felt like the biggest selfish douche in the world. silver lining to the story is that everything is fine now, as things generally find a way of becoming, but it was very hard for a while.

ill be the first to say that exes have an uncanny ability to make mischief in ones life. the relationship after the relationship can be a great one, but it also can cause unnecessary drama. so what lesson am i trying to impart? none really. it would be easy for me to say, 'dont let your girlfriend associate with her ex' or 'if you are casually seeing someone, make sure the ex is 100% out of the picture', i think we should still go forward with eyes open and a trusting heart. if i had remained jaded after my first big heartbreak, i would still be the emotionally stunted girl i once was. ill give you that heartache hurts (and at times, feels as if your chest has collapsed), but the moral of the story is that we all have the opportunity to dust ourselves off and try, try again!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

LBGT shout out

LGBT shout out:
towson university & MICA homosexuals

it would come as a shock to noone if i were to say no matter how big the lesbian world may seem, we are all connected. the online lesbian world is no different. i know that not all of my readers are lesbians- but i thought two groups of lady lovers deserved a special shout out.

i went onto the lesbifriend facebook page, and i was flipping through the members. i would click on those with pictures, and not because i was trying to get my stalk on, but i genuinely wanted to know who in the world finds my blog interesting enough not only to READ it, but then publicly declare that love via a facebook 'fan' status.

what i deduced after all of my 'perusing' was that there are a lot of fun looking lesbians that attend MICA in baltimore. practicing full disclosure i must admit, i have a thing for: hipsteresque, could be in an indie rock band, tattooed, introspective, artist chicks. so it would be a perfect pairing considering MICA stands for maryland institute college of art. my raging hormones aside, the few girls ive actually talked to that attend that school are incredibly badass. they all, from what i have gathered, have their heads on straight, are devoted to their respective art forms, and are just plain dynamic people. the type of girls you see once and go, 'i want to be her friend, i just want to sit down and pick her brain'. to all of the ladies at MICA who read my blog, and support it on facebook- i send you my sincerest thank you, and also a full body hug (you know the kind when that uncle hugged you and you could feel everything from his genitals to his ribcage? yyaaahhh, MICA ladies, prepare for one of THOSE coming atcha from yours truly.)

that brings me to the good ol' homosexuals at towson university. oh you ladies and gentlemen are just precious little peaches. the only time ive the pleasure of meeting a handful of these folks face to face was this trip to baltimore, when i met them all outside. i was minding my own business, puffing on a cancer stick outside of the club and these new friends make there way over towards me and my girlfriend. out of nowhere one girl says, 'im sure this is weird, but ive seen your videos online- are you ashley?'. then they all felt it was safe to come over, and expressed the same general sentiment! but dont think your alcohol consumption went unnoticed, friends of mine at towson. i cant wait to run into you all again, hopefully down in my neck of the woods.

the gay divide

the gay divide
lesbians and gay boys

in the gay community we shout tirelessly about acceptance, tolerance, and support of gays all around the world- and yet the facts remain, lesbians and gay boys dont always get along. sure, we will stand arm and arm at every rally, and fiercely defend those who attack our fellow homosexuals however if you look at the dichotomy between lesbian and gay men social circles and you will find a clear divide, the gay divide.

the gay divide isnt a nasty relationship between the two factions of gays, in fact its even made light of in many social situations. i can recall not too long ago a few gays came over to a lesbian party. one of them pulled me aside and said, 'oh my god- why dont we hang out more often?! lesbians are so much fun.' his friend jumped in and said, 'thats not allowed! no mixing of the gay juices!!' well- i was shocked! our juices come from the same cup!! of course i mean metaphorical juices, because implying that our literal juices come from the same cup would just be crass- and im a lady.

now i dont want to mislead you, even though its not a secret- the gay divide is NOT something that has intentionally happened, at least thats not how i see it. maybe in some circles there is legitimate beef, or an actual reason the gay boys and girls dont fraternize more often, but ive found- at least with those that i know- it boils down to 'interests'. the biggest difference between these two seemingly similar groups is how they socialize.

so as not to offend anyone, i will only speak of what ive witnessed first hand. when i was first coming out and still in college i found myself instantly attracted to anyone i thought was remotely gay. i had mostly straight male friends, but i started to see a shift in the demographic of my social structures. i had more and more gay men around me all the time. the types of activities we participated in were generally photo shoots. haha how narcissistic of me to admit, but most of the gay boys i associated with were either photographers or models. this is a pattern ive seen spill over to other gay men i know. dont tell me im spewing stereotypes to you- thats not my intention, but the gay boys i still associate with now are all flawless. im not even lying- when i was told to get a makeover for a job the only people i trusted to do my makeup where those boys. they have a blunt honesty that is admirable, but a stereotypical cattiness that most lesbians find off putting.

an interesting fact about lesbians. we will complain about how dramatic women are, and yet claim some gay men are too much for us. that is something i dont understand. drama is drama, your gender has nothing to do with it. we claim to all be different, and yes thats true. but we are so much more the same than we are different. im not preaching some sort of unity party, if you dont wanna hang out with lesbians- go right ahead you big queen. but dont judge a book by its cover- you never know what sort of gay is going to make your day! and finally, in my humble opinion, i think lesbians are a perfect addition to anyones friend roster.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

lesbifriends x queerFAQtor wednesday=
a whole lotta ashley

so as some of you all will remember, not to long ago i auditioned to be on the youtube collaborative channel 'queerFAQtor'. i landed the spot and this was my first week to sock it to em, the only issue being im not at all trained in video work and im also terrified ive done something wrong and subsequently the entire channel will hate me. but ill always have you, right?

check it out, comment, or at least keep upping that viewcount!!

Monday, November 30, 2009

gamer word of caution

gay gamers on xbox
keep it on the DL ftw

in lieu of cyber monday i chose to make my own version of cyber monday. its called 'cyber monday' and pretty much consists of myself, coworkers, and workers all around the world going to their favorite websites all day, and absorbing information. i wont go as far to say its a 'brilliant idea' as the name is 100% the same as the current day, but the difference is im still in a recession and thus everyones getting crafts from ashbash for christmas. but i digress, i was being a good lesbian, getting my daily gay fill on i stumbled across something that caught my eye. the title said 'suspended from xbox live for being a lesbian', being the impartial lesbian that i am, my first thought was 'maybe it was because you were shouting something douchey over xbox live'. (if you ever want to stock up on a new arsenal of creative insults- xbox live is where its at.) but after reading the girls rant i understood her frustration.

i began to do a little research (read: i refreshed a new google page), and i found this has happened before- in fact, it happens OFTEN. and if you think that just because you are straight you are in the clear- you are dead wrong hetero. poor old richard gaywood will tell you. as if it wasnt rough enough growing up in a narrowminded world with a last name that screams 'homo-boner', richard was kicked off xbox live for his name..just his name?!

microsoft has apologized in the past for how they treat sexual orientation matter online, but its clear that they still run xbox live the same way. you may be shocked to find out, i actually support microsoft banning such players. now yes, its unfortunate that several homosexuals were swept up in the ban of essentially gay verbiage and kicked offline, but the intent of the rule is clear- to DEFEND HOMOSEXUALS.

too often people who are attacked relentlessly build up a wall around them, and subsequently feel that everyone is attacking them. this is true of the LBGT community. im sure that people will have a problem with how i feel, but honestly- we dont need to be so sensitive all the time. we arent always being slighted, we arent always being mistreated, sometimes people are actually trying to help us out. is it just a little fucked up that the rule whos intention is to help protect gays from defamatory statements is actually kicking them offline in the process? yes- of course thats unfortunate, however lets look at the broader picture- people who use gay terms as insults are also getting kicked off as well. isnt that what the LBGT community wants? isnt that what we need? i for one think so.

Friday, November 27, 2009

the chart

the chart
and the cornucopia of drama

i believe sex is personal, if i believed the contrary- id be in porn. with that said, i do enjoy when my friends feel so inclined as to feed me gritty details regarding their sexual exploits. but what if, at a glance, a stranger could see your entire sexual history? what if you saw your girlfriend had an extensive sexy past with a slue of other women, before you swept her off her feet? what if a momentary lapse in judgment turned into a line connecting you and a mistake?

dc lesbians are asking themselves those questions and more. i feel as if its been common knowledge for a while that there was a sex chart floating around...but what people didnt seem to understand was that it was never destroyed- that is, until it was posted online.

just imagine for a moment if you were on that chart and it was put up. uh- can you say, 'shitstorm'?? i first became aware of the chart resurfacing when my facebook mini-feed became flooded with 'omfg, thats really fucked up', 'he needs to take that down', 'baby- i dont care about your past, just about our futures' (btw, that was the perfect response to the whole situation, kudos to that couple). i was pretty out of the loop, then a friend of mine brought me up to speed on the situation.

apparently the story is more dramatic than just a straight forward, 'the owner of the chart posted it online for whatever reason'. an unnamed fella took a picture of the chart, which was hanging on the owners wall. he then (without the owners permission) posted it on facebook. now i never saw it, nor do i know if people were tagged or it was simply uploaded, but people were pissed. the people on the chart were horrified that it was put on such a public platform.

i know that my name is on the chart (kinda like a kite just hovering above with a string attaching me to the bunch) but to be honest that sort of shit doesnt bother me. if i dont know you, i owe you nothing. if its true, ill admit to it. if its not true, fuck that nosie, lets just dance. but i also dont have very much to hide- fucking right im lame as hell, want some? i did feel for those who did have something to hide. i know a lot of girls who came out very young, and thus have been getting naked with other girls for a while now.
is it fair to judge someone whos slept with a lot of people?
is it fair to judge anyone at all?
we are all flawed.

many of the people involved with the whole shitshow were upset with the owner of the chart. the only thing i fault that person with is being careless in their handling of such precious information. when people trust you with that sort of dirt, you cant go running your mouth- or treating the info without respect. those upset with the owner seem to forget where all the information came from..they themselves are the ones who put the information out there. however, thats not the case for everyone on the chart- i know i never wrote my name anywhere, nor did my girlfriend or my ex and yet there we are. some people were just the unfortunate other half to the equation. but the owner assured me that the information written on the chart was never just hearsay- it was always substantiated (at least relatively so, its not like there are lesbian-sex-fact-checkers...however, if thats a new job title, i will sacrifice myself to take it- im such a martyr.)

as to put the blame 100% on the owners shoulders is unfair. how i see it, the owner of the chart would have never posted it online- ever. this much i know for sure. the owner of the chart would have never intentionally hurt those around her- ever. sure, she should have been more careful with whos eyes were peeping every ones sex history, but thats the only thing i think is fair to blame on her. lets not forget- she did not post it online, nor did she make up all the connections on that chart.
i think this unnamed fella pull a class one: douche move.

so, whats the moral of this story?
that our anger is often times misplaced on the first person we think is too blame, then we are too proud to admit we were wrong. yes, im talking to you gw bush, and also some dc lesbots.

i could have been pissed. my name was on it. but i wasnt- know why? because, lets break it down- its a chart with names and lines..i enjoy coloring books just as much as the next girl, but its not worth getting too worked up about. we are all in this town together, we are all sleeping together, we all understand and accept these things- and yet we get our feathers all ruffled when shit goes down. we all just need to chill, maybe hug it out, perhaps write friendly notes to each other to foster better relations..
but most of all, just be lesbifriends!!

Thursday, November 26, 2009


thanksgiving is a fictionalized holiday
but im going thankful none the less

so just a short little post today in regards to the holiday at hand. im at work today- which should be shocking to no one as i have worked thanksgiving and christmas the past 3 years (my rationale behind that is i work with a lot of people who have children, and big families that they dont see often. my family is very close and i see them all the time, so id rather take one on the chin for the team...and also my logic is 'i work christmas and thanksgiving- you better know my ass isnt gonna be here come new years eve and day.' i am brilliant, i know.)

i do wish i could spend the holidays with my family. i get to see them, but as soon as the tables set- i have to jump in the car and head off to support the man. its not all that bad, i tell myself its a sacrifice that one day i wont have to make, but as for now it proves my dedication/passion/that i dont have a life outside of my career.

as most edcated people know, the history of the holiday doesnt match up with the fantasy of it. i personally am putting a vote in, suggesting that every day be thanksgiving. each and every day we should remind oursleves that we have blood pumping through our veins, and minds that are capable of complex thought. one day? really? just one day?

im thankful for the great family i have. they will never give up on me, and while they may push me further towards insanity- they also have a funny way of constantly keeping me grounded and surrounded by love. i never feel disconnected from them because we are so close, im incredibly grateful for that.

im thankful for danielle jillian. my sunshine- i know you will read this, so ill address you directly. i never thought i would find you, and then i did. you walked into my life at a very volatile time, and yet you staid by my side. i know that we have weathered many storms together (and while its a bit cynical to say- i know we will conquer many more) but never has my heart stopped beating for you. the very moment i saw you i got tunnel vision and felt as if i was dumped into a bucket of you. i wanted to be close to you, i wanted to connect with you, i wanted to be saturated in you. i dont think i can accurately express just how much you mean to me, and while i dont think its healthy to have your life revolve around another person, im just glad you are riding shotgun with me. you are absolutely my dream girl, in more ways than anyone will ever know (but i wont lie, your perfect breasts dont hurt.)

im thankful for the brilliant friends i have. i dont mean to sound trite when i say it, but each and every person ive ever met in my life changed me. (i mean, im not really making that grand a statement, the same could be said for you if you really think about it) every face, every smile, every tear, every rant, every breakdown- we have seen it all my friends, and i for one am standing up and saying 'im thankful for all the shit!'. if it werent for all that 'shit' we deal with, i dont think id feel nearly as close to those i call friends. i love being your soundboard, i love giving you my advice, i love asking for yours- i love that my friends are connected to me and i them.

im thankful that my grandmother is still alive. albeit a bit morbid to say, that woman is the most complex and interesting character in my family. i dont think ill ever understand half of her motivations, beliefs, and rationales, but i love trying to figure her out. im also glad shes still alive because shes that family member who constantly says, 'i dont know if ill be around for next thanksgiving, so lets all be thankful this is my last one.' i kid you not- as i walked out the door to work today she told me 'if you leave this market and head north i wish you the best, because i wont be here to see it.' god blesser! that silly rascal.

i wish you all a happy and bountiful day.

but do remember this holiday is about killing indians...cant just throw a cornucopia on top of a blood soaked table and call it dinner- or you can..HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

random thought #23

random thought #23
it would seem as if the useless thoughts in my head never end- lucky you.

  • i dont know if its a seasonal thing or where i go to socialize with lesbians, but i feel like ive seen far too many lesbots that look like dead ringers for lil wayne as of late.
    now dont get me wrong, i mean no disrespect but if you have dreads, wear over-sized clothes, like fun crisp hats, and wear sunglasses you are lil wayne in my book...or whoopi goldberg- your choice.
  • my girlfriend bought me a baby.
    if you are waiting for my witty response that in someway negates my previous statement- you aint gettin it!! she really did buy me an impoverished child! i guess the more appropriate way to phrase that is she 'sponsored a child' for us to support. i had to mention it on here because it was one of the sweetest gestures ive ever had done for me. (aside from the countless other sweet, precious things my pudding cup does.)
    so why is the baby so special too me? well we both what to make a difference in the world, in our own ways. we both feel compelled to use our lives, and our gifts to help others. i personally want to connect to people who feel alone and out casted, and allow them to see they are very much connected to life and ultimately- to other people. danielle would love nothing more than running off to africa to save every aids riddled baby out there. her heart aches when she sees people in need, she might seem all hard and shit (oh, and trust, she is) but toss a child freckled with flies and an empty belly and my baby shines.
  • not too long ago, i asked you all to check out my audition for the community youtube channel 'QueerFAQtor'. after what felt like a few weeks, (i mean, it actually was a few weeks..i hate when people get dramatic and say 'omg it felt like years' no it didnt. and even if it did- all you are doing is letting me know that you have absolutely no idea of time as you think a week and a year are one in the same..moving on.) they finally announced who would be filling the two day spots available.

    at around 6:00 things start to get cooking.
    im so excited to be a part of this channel because they really do provide a tremendous service to the LBGT community. i often forget how lucky i am to be almost completely saturated in lesbians (oh, i know- dream of dreams!), i know that some dont have that luxury. (even if sometimes i consider it a bit of a burden, what with how interesting our community can be)
  • a friend of mine is dating a girl that looks exactly like her..god i wish i could post a photo of them on here, but then it would be proof that im talking about them. but i shit you not- they look identical. now i thought that the only similarity issue in the lesbian world was having the same name. i personally would never date another ashley...(or i would but i would adopt a new fun nickname that i gave myself that would not fit me at all but i would love, like RENEGADE!)
    but if you date a chick who looks like you, does that make you a narcissist? or just really confident?

Monday, November 23, 2009

straight jacket weekend

straight jacket weekend
twas a whopper!

early after i came out, i remember my mother giving me a list of 'concerns' she had about me being gay. most of them were borderline rational, in that i could see the point she was trying to make, even if her logic was fractured or at best flawed. she was making efforts- and i appreciated that, but one giant bone of contention for us was the issue of gay clubs vs. straight clubs.

she used to give me a lot of grief when i would take my older sister out with me to gay clubs. her theory was the only reason i was taking her there, was to try and convert her. she said 'at best, you are trying to promote that lifestyle with her, and get her all liquored up'...oh mother, dont you know i dont have to give my sister liquor to get her to make out with girls. (my mother isnt a big fan of being reminded of my sisters bisexuality, because shes getting married) all joking aside, i have good reason to only frequent gay clubs, and to be honest- my sexuality has nothing to do with it.

really ashley? being gay has nothing to do with you going to the gay club? yah- really. im not a big club person as it is. sure, im a social person- but clubs are a bit too impersonal for my taste- id much rather have a house party but when i do choose to go out and have a good time- i want to do just that. i have never been in a straight club and felt comfortable- ever. its not that i feel people are judging me, its not that i fear im going to hit on a straight girl and be rejected, its not that im surrounded by drunk people. the reason i dont feel comfortable at clubs is 'gay' doesnt seem to register with the guys there. blame it on the ahh ahh ahha ahhhaaalcohol if you like, but i dont want to dance with you- and when i say im gay i mean it.

if it was merely me being hypersensitive about an unwelcomed dance request, i would understand if you thought i was being dramatic- but it doesnt stop at just a request for a boogie. nay my friends, lets take a trip in my giant boat of awkward to this past weekend.

straight jacket weekend
my girlfriend has a lot of straight friends from college who come up to the dc area every so often to party. if i thought my girlfriend threw down hard, the first time i met all her 'friends from back home', i knew just where she learned it from. its as if these girls were born and bred with beer pong balls in hand, shot glasses at the ready, and an unquenchable thirst for miller light.

enter stage right, ashley- sucks at beer pong (unless if by luck im on a roll, in which case i claim to be a god until i start sucking again, then the shame comes), trys not to projectile vomit after any shot (not including red-headed sluts, which i can take with ease, but im sure thats just further confirmation of the fact that lindsay lohan and i are meant to be together, but i digress), and not a miller girl (or a bud girl, or a beer girl).

ok, so maybe im not a perfect fit with her hard-partying friends but i try. so they were coming up to celebrate two of their 25th birthdays. we went to see bob marley (of boondock saints fame) at the dc improv and then had plans to go to a club afterwards. i had to prepare. not that i encourage people to resort to drinking in order to be more comfortable in social situations, however i see alcohol as a tool to do just that. unhealthy? sure, but as i can count on two hands how many times ive gotten shwasted im not stressing it too much.

terrible life choice #1 of the night. while at the show i wanted to insure that i wouldnt have to drink at the club later so i tried to drink as much as possible while watching the comedians. as im not a regular drinker, attempting to keep up with everyone else at the table was a bad idea. you know all those fun rhymes your mother taught you to prevent you from getting sick while drinking? beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer in the clear. fuck that noise!! i chose to start off with corona, followed by too many cranberry and vodkas with orange juice, then i remember a shot that tasted like chocolate (then baby vomit, then vodka, then vanilla..a roller coaster of flavors), then came the champagne bottles.

terrible life choice #2 of the night. agh, just recalling all that sauce made me nauseous. but we pressed on. we climbed into the DD-mobile and were whisked away to the club. now i initially had high hopes for the club, as a hot go-go dancer friend of mines girlfriend is the dj there. i assumed, 'hey you have got a gay dj, maybe its not a super straight establishment, this could be fun.' i understand fun can be a subjective term, but it would not be a word id choose to describe this place. the second floor reeked of vomit- and thats not a smell one can just swallow and disregard, that shit eats up your nostrils. we then made the mistake of trying to move, all of my fears were confirmed and almost instantly i was sober...yes- it was the famed 'walk of grope'.

the walk of grope, is just that. a walk where one gets groped- over and over again. i dont think words can accurately express how i feel when this crap happens. its not like we all werent taught as youngsters 'keep your hands to yourself', and as adults we were taught 'sexual assault on your record makes getting a job hard'. so why is the concept so difficult for some straight men to understand? im not a violent beast, but i did turn around several times mid ass-fondle and said 'hey, dont touch thats hers' pointing to danielle.

thats my main issue with these jerks. i have a hard time being a hard, bitch. what i should be saying is, 'get your fucking mitts off me asshole, i said i dont want to dance or get near you'; what i am saying is, 'woah sir, you touched me- watchout friend! have a great night!' so that forces danielle to step up to defend my honor (because chivelry is NOT dead ladies!), and she always does so in a strong fashion. one of the many reasons i love her- she makes me feel safe.

after two hours of:
-being touched
-being stopped to ask 'are you sure you dont want to dance?'
-being touched
-being asked if the reason i was saying i was gay was actually because i wasnt interested in them
-being touched
-being told i wasnt gay
we finally started to wind down as a group. actually what really happened was i got really sick of feeling as if i was trapped in a cage of uncomfortable so i ran out of the club and slowly but surely, the gang followed.

my argument with my mother, i feel is a valid one. the reason i take my sister to the gay clubs with me time and time again, and find myself going to straight clubs only when forced is protection. i know that in straight clubs (or, to be a bit more fair, clubs that are saturated with a tremendous concentration of drunk straight guys) im not safe. the lesson i learned this weekend should be, dont go to the straight clubs drunk but the lesson id rather take from this weekend is dont touch me douchebag.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

my fairy gaymother

dear ellen,

well, in addition to your growing list of job titles (tv host, american idol judge, covergirl spokeswoman, the current face of lesbianism, and the woman who cuddles up with portia derossi on the regular) its high time you add another notch to your belt...thats right, the highly coveted title of "ashleys fairy gaymother". im sure you can imagine the list of lesbian idols was long, and thus pairing it down we difficult. it came down to you and oprah- and as she isnt technically 'gay', that pretty much knocked her out of the running. i wont lie, my precious lindsay lohan was on the list for a bit but that was just me thinking with the wrong head. i will always have a spot for my lilo, but shes far from fairy gaymother material. not like you- you stand out above the rest, and no one but you would do to be my favorite lesbian. dont you worry, kayne isnt here thus, your acceptance speech wont be cut short.

ive always been intrigued by you- i mean, as a lesbian, its hard not to at least be aware of whats going on in your life. you are a pioneer, a renegade- fuck sarah palin, you were the first to 'go rouge' (and in my opinion, would have looked a heck of a lot better than her on the cover of newsweek/runners world.) whether or not you know it, you are an inspiration to every lesbian out there- you have shown the world that gays arent lepers, and can have the same level of commercial success as our hetero counterparts. you have shown us how beautiful a relationship can be- regardless of gender, and how happy marriage can make two people. because of these reasons, i have named you my fairy gaymother.

another reason ive bestowed such a prestigious title on your shoulders was because you and my girl, oprah, are now best friends. i thought it would be fun if we all hung out sometime- not that ive invested a significant amount of time planning out the 'playdates' that i know will never happen. pfft, no way, that would be borderline creepy, and thats not the way the relationship should go between gay and fairy gaymother. however, if you were ever to stop by the nations capital for say, a weekend getaway with your wife and new gal pal oprah, im letting you know that i have an itinerary at the ready for our funfest!

now, fear not- this isnt an awkward love-filled rant on just how amazing you are. while that would be a joy to write, i do have a legitimate reason for writing to you. as my fairy gaymother, its only appropriate that i come to you with questions regarding my gay world. im sick with worry, fairy gaymother. i feel as if oftentimes, i have two lives- my professional life, and my gay world. i look at you as a beacon of hope- you have effortlessly it seems, balanced perfectly the professionalism of a seasoned reporter with the magicaliness (or simply glory, for those of you who dont appreciate my made-up vocabulary) of the lesbian god that you are. HOW DO YOU DO IT?

it hasnt intentionally happened this way, i know the two arent mutually exclusive- and yet i have a hard time combining them. i know why, im scared. how did you become so strong ellen? in the professional world, i dont bring up topics that im oober passionate about, if i feel they are too divisive or too 'gay'. now with that said, i will fiercely defend/disprove/speak up for gay issues if they are brought up- and i really dont have an issue talking about the LBGT community with my coworkers. the issue is more that i dont want to be labeled as that 'gay soapbox girl'- you know the one that at every mildly appropriate time (and every inappropriate time) jumps up on her gay soapboxes and rants for hours about how gay she is, and proud, and everyone needs to know what the fuck is on her agenda.

im proud of who i am.
i am secure in who i am.
but i would also think it was really weird if a heterosexual at work shouted at me, 'im straight'.

i just want everyone to be comfortable. im realistic enough to admit that not everyone supports gays, and even though its an unpopular opinion of mine- i feel that i should respect their opinion (albeit terribly narrow minded) and not force who i am down their throat. all i can do is be a good person, and hope that they see that regardless of who i sleep with- i have a good heart.

in conclusion, i would like to officially congratulate you on being named my fairy gaymother. please understand that its a very dignified position, and im sure you will respect it- as it carries much clout. (ive already taken it upon myself to make a photo of you as my fairy gaymother, and a t-shirt isnt far behind) i also understand that im essentially talking to myself but i hope that one day you actually read my letters- but even if you dont, ellen degeneres will always be my fairy gaymother!

LBGTake care,

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

how to get the girls

a lesbian 'must see'
how to get the girls by ArielleIsHamming

im not going to lie, there were a few times when i saw a bit of dyke swagga up in that video!! this girl is hilarious- and its clear she put a great bit of time into making this piece. shes cute, fun, and has an accent id kill for. (and by 'kill' i mean 'submerge myself in an area where that dialect was prevalent and then adapt')

Monday, November 16, 2009

random thought #22

random thought #22
you know, 22 is my lucky number

**i hate to be a bummer, on a monday no less- but in case you havent heard, 'americas gay newspaper', the washington blade is no more. their parent company, windows media, abruptly went out of business- and in addition to the washington blade, the houston voice, the south florida blade, david atlanta magazine and 411 magazine are no longer open for business. saying that this is a tough punch for the gay community, would be putting it mildly. the washington blade has been a fixture in the gay community since 1969, i- along with countless others- hope that the washington blade comes back together in some form or fashion..the gays need their papers!!

dcrtv is reporting the following:
"Tomorrow morning, the staff of the defunct Washington Blade will meet to launch a new publication that does pretty much what the Blade has done/did since 1969 - cover gay Washington. It just won't be called the Blade anymore. "The staff is united," says current/former Blade editor Kevin Naff. "We're all together. Our first meeting for our new venture is tomorrow morning." The staffers don't yet have a name for the newspaper. The Blade as a standalone publication runs a profit; however, not enough of a profit to keep its debt-troubled parent company, Window Media, in the black. According to Naff, Window is filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protections, which means that it's ceasing operations. Staffers were given till 3 PM today to pack up. When asked if the company was handling the shutdown in a professional manner, Naff responded, "I should probably not comment.""

**this video made me cry laughing at work, too bad i already have this sort social commentary running through my head. i know its probably just me- but i put gay spins on things all the time, makes me feel at home.

** i really do love the written word, i often lose myself whilst reading little quotes, thoughts, or anything really. today, was no exception...i think its important to note, if you keep yourself open to profound life statements, you would be surprised at how often the universe talks to you. the world is more a fortune cookie than you think. i firmly believe if you are awake to it- the world tells you what you need to know everyday.
regardless, i wanted to share a few things i read today, that really stuck with me:
"the best time to find yourself is when you’re lost."
so true...inspired me to run away this weekend- even if just for a day, everyone should run away with just themselves, get a little lost, cry a bit, get terrified you will never find your way, then cue the lights- and bam! momentary enlightenment!! maybe im oversimplifying it bit, but after reading this i was moved so much as to say to myself, 'you need a little you time...only you...go get lost and be contemplative'.
"you can either step back and compose yourself. or embrace it. both work out just fine"
i know im not alone when i sit and doubt myself. its human to wonder, 'is this normal' 'am i doing this right?' 'am i acting out of line', i mean where would we be if it werent for us constantly question the world around us, and within us? but at the end of the day- life will continue to rage around us, regardless of whether or not we made the right choices, whether or not you were acting too passionately or too impulsively. no matter what we do- the world around us stops for no either way you choose to go about it, life will undoubtedly go on- so rest easy.
"go forth"
sure, its from a commercial (which all lead back to the man) but that doesnt make the message any less powerful. i think its strength is in its simplicity- its the answer to any question really, i guess you have to be walking around in my head for that to be true...but i think it is so. its almost as if to say to ANY question posed- why dont you go and find out? why not go forth and discover the answer on your own. i assure you, that will be more of a help than me handing it to you.

** i dont generally voice my opinions about people that i cant stand- however, i can no longer tolerate heidi montag and spencer pratt...heres why. no, sadly that photo is indeed no joke, and those two peaches are hawking their shit where ever they can. a book? i know a lot of fabulous writers who are very much struggling, and yet- sarah p and these two admitted 'famewhores' get a book deal no problems?
what a world...what a world...i just tell myself 'it takes all kinds ashley, you are no better or no worse than they are'.