Monday, August 31, 2009

weekend wrap-up

weekend wrap-up
mingling with the b'morians

so this weekend i was feeling pretty adventurous, and clearly by adventurous what i mean is i was being impulsive and stubborn and thus 2 trips up and back to baltimore in one day was completely logical and well thought out. right.
let it be known that im neurotic (yet fun) and i like having some semblance of a plan (agh, and fuck you to everyone who tells me to 'live on the edge'. my quality of life is fabulous, there is nothing at all wrong with plans and schedules. sure, i can live impulsively but im infinitely more at peace when i have a plan.)
this weekend was no exception- yes i claimed to be more 'adventurous' but in reality, i just did what i had planned on doing the whole time.

admittedly, i was pretty bummed at the end of the week b/c im a pussy and my girlfriend was out of town for a whopping 3 days. sounds mildly obsessive of me to be downtrodden about her being a few hours away for 2 nights and 3 days but ive mentioned before how hard it is for me to get little to any sleep normally, i sleep a little bit easier when shes next to me. but when shes not near me- well fuck sleeping, im going to be up all night, doing crafts to ease my restless mind and gives me more time to think of how i miss her tremendously.
so friday after i got off of work, i picked up anne, dee and stancil for a little house warming party at
heathers. all seemed to be on the up and up- but i feel its important for me to mention that i get off of work at 11pm nightly. now, being the insomniac that i am, i have no issue with this, but as far as 'meeting up with friends' goes- it generally doesnt lend itself to seeing my friends before they are absurdly drunk.
with that said- when we got there everyone was in fact, absurdly drunk! to the point that they were at the 'talking loudly, thinking no one else can hear them, but in fact we all can and subsequently when you speak disparagingly about people in front of them they may have an issue with that' stage of drunkenness. a girl who used to date a friend of mine turned to heather upon our arrival and says, 'oh awesome, i dont know anyone that just walked in'...i was staring her in the eye when this was said. now, as we have met before and she lives across the street from me, i thought well surely she is not referring to me, but the friends i have brought along. no- she was talking about me too.
'do you really not remember meeting me? it was (to me) an unforgettable situation. you were at the bar buying my sister a drink and hitting on her all night-'
not ringing a bell to her..
'well, then my girlfriend came up and you bought her a drink too-'
still nothing..
'then when i came up b/c i knew you were newly dating my friend you told me my sister shouldnt be bi and have a boyfriend.'
'oh i dont remember that- i only know you from facebook'
agh- she was impossible. we took a photo together that night (she stood next to me in the center), and the only reason she added me on facebook was b/c we HAD MET IN THE BAR. generally it wouldnt phase me at all, but it made us all feel awkward upon walking in.
so after that fun exchange we all decided it was time for a long 'smoke em if ya got em' break, aka chain smoking to escape awkward encounters. (which, is also an insanely healthy way to approach any sort of uncomfortable party situation or forced family event) now im trying to quit smoking cigarettes, and doing so successfully thusfar.
the smoke break was followed by chatterin' amongst friends, heather being adorable, and then us leaving.

baby came home! that was awesome. my whole being just lights up when shes near.
she makes my heart sing- literally. i dont just mean it in an adorably corny way.. i mean when she is near i feel as if im in a disney movie on acid- everything is so colorful, vibrant, alive, and unbelievable; and on top of that, i never feel more close to my dreams and my dream world as i do when im near here.
but i know if you are single and youre reading that, chances are high that you just threw up and if not- then you are now forcing yourself to do so. whatever- just appreciate love my friends!
moving along, so what happened saturday?
well, i got the brilliant idea to visit my friend
victoria and her girlfriend during the day. i planned on leaving early, but danielle was coming home, so i waited for her b/c obviously she my ride or die trick, and i wanted her riding shotgun with myself dee and stancil.
so we are all puttin' along, we left hours later than i had initially planned, i felt like i was livin on the edge, as if to say look at me! im fully functioning, disregarding the well laid plans i had, and i am still breathing. well, when we did actually arrive, i realized why i always have plans-
b/c crashing someones wedding shower is never in good taste. im all for crashing parties, i think its a fun way of making friends; but birthdays are where i draw the line.
it was ok for me (on my birthday) to crash someone elses (who i didnt know) birthday party and then cheer when they sing happy birthday to her and then thank everyone for their birthday wishes.
but its NOT ok to show up at any sort of shower event.
dont get me wrong, it was great to see victoria and krissy, but needless to say it was awkward.
and we went home.
after a nap, then a shower- we were ready for baltimore: round two!
and let me just say b'more ladies: you are the classiest/messiest girls ive met, only topped by my own friends. and i mean that with an incredible amount of love. i wont lie, prior to actually going out with my baltimore friends, i was generally just terrified of the b'more lesbian scene. from the stories i heard i was mostly scared b/c they arent afraid to use brute force.
im a tall girl of slight frame, who loves unicorns.. i think its clear that im not fighting anyone physically or otherwise, and those who do scare me.
but as a friend pointed out, 'there are crazy bitches in dc, there are crazy bitches in baltimore- britney spears was crazy and shes in la...its not just a baltimore v. dc thing- crazies are everywhere' and point taken!
what kinda crazies did i see up in good ol' baltimore?
the only one thats really worth blogging about were the two classy ladies on the stage towards the end of the night:
the tale of the classiest baltimorbians*
(*i was trying to make that work for b'more lesbians, but im not really feeling it- sorry, never again)
so, im standing in the center of the dance floor, dry humping everything in sight, flailing my arms wildly, and overall looking like a person mid-seizure; and i look up on the stage and there they both are- the classiest lesbians of baltimore.
this isnt a title id throw around lightly, nor one that im actually qualified to give away, but these ladies were incredible.
girl #1 was wearing a sweet little sundress, and a full leg cast. the cast i feel gave her more clout in my book- as that shows real dedication. not everyone would go out with a leg cast, or any cast for that matter, to a club where the main purpose is to either drink, or dance. i guess only one of those requires legwork, but still- thats impressive.
girl #2 was a long brown haired beauty. in all honesty i saw very little of her face- but a lot more of her in general...she bent girl #1 over and proceeded to hump her while hiking up her skirt. before i know it, im seein #1s ass and possibly hole, it was unclear if panties were present or not. ass was seen none the less, and a pretty sweet one at that. #2, clearly not to be outdone flashes a lil tittie.
i, being the creepy old man that i am, start clapping and shouting god bless america! then others join in the clapping. the two ladies then realize that we all can see them, and as im sure you guessed she was letting those perfect fun bags BREATHE! and when i say perfect, i mean perfect.

needless to say- baltimore, i love you.
i wish i was closer so i could play with you more often, but after this weekend, it would seem i need to take the not so terrible drive up that way more often!

1 comment:

  1. BAHAHAHA i love you. i'm glad my drunken self wasnt the reason you left.