Tuesday, August 4, 2009


functional impairment
while awake

my mind never turns off.

generally i will classify it as one of my best traits. im always thinking, always bubbling over with new ideas, and always open to the beauty of the world.

as of late however its becoming a bit of a nuisance. my world is always spinning, im incapable of sitting still long enough to clear my mind and pause. now dont get me wrong, i still feel everything, i still see everything, and most importantly i still am engaged in life- but man oh man, no wonder so many hyper-creative people go crazy.

i can no longer sleep like a normal person. ive resigned myself to the fact that this is the trade off i will have in life. sure- its a blessing to own my uniquiness and embrace it, but with every up there is a down. and my down is that fickel bitch called insomnia.

it used to not be a problem. at a time, i almost liked the fact that i was on a completely different clock than most of the world. i was in my own world, and while it was dark- that only made it easier to see the glitter around us. since dropping out of college i have always had incredible jobs, but all of which have had an a-typical schedual. it worked out though, as i cant remember the last time i fell asleep before midnight, and i normally finally close my eyes close to 3a/4a.

but lately, i will have a few bad days- where i feel like a zombie. im still ashley, but i feel almost as if im standing outside of myself, just watching the show. that terrifies me.

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