straight girl crush
do you remember yours?
ahh, lets take a trip down memory lane. always a fun lil jaunt if i do say so myself.
recently i was going through old photos on the computer and i saw her- my first straight girl crush, dana.
we have all been there- falling for the definition of 'unattainable', falling for the straight girl. my first straight girl crush, also was the one girl that zapped any question in my mind about being gay, straight, or bi. after i met her- it was just a matter of me being able to say out loud 'i love snatch' (which took a good 2 years, but still- i came out when i was ready.)
it started simply enough, in middle school she was the most beautiful girl at school. everyone knew her; the boys loved her, the girls wanted to be her friends, and i just wanted to be near her. we had one or two classes together, but overall our paths didnt cross much growing up (read: i was a bit eccentric in my youth, and while i did have a lot of friends, and i never caught her eye) it wasnt until senior year of high school that we became very close.
we shared a class together, and hung out often. i remember having sleepovers in my friends basement and dana would be upset about her current boyfriend- i also very much remember her making out with me to 'make him jealous'. bittersweet make outs those were.
bittersweet only in that, this girl i thought the world of will only make out with me to make her boyfriend pissed.
these plans ALWAYS backfired, as the boys were never upset that she was kissing me; in fact they loved it (shocker, some high school wiener slingers love the lesbianic action, who would have guessed that). our playful ways continued all throughout the year. by the end of the year, and close to graduation she would openly make out with me at parties, and tell boys that she loved me; granted all of these times she was wasteface, but that didnt matter to me- she noticed me, i know she felt it too- and one day she would stop with those stupid cockels and stick with the ashbox!
i tried so hard to believe myself when i said, 'ashley, this is fruitless. stop letting your heart think that you are anything more than just a good time, stop believing that there is a chance it will work out- she isnt gay, she likes sex with dudes, and makes out with you for fun' but if you have ever fallen for a straight girl, you know how hard it is to convince yourself of the truth...its not gonna happen. b/c deep down there is a little voice that says, 'she may not be gay, but she sure as hell isnt all straight!'
a good friend of mine ALWAYS falls in love with straight girls, but for her its a fantastic game plan. they are down to fuck around, but dont want the relationship- which for some can be ideal, the only huge problem that said friend runs into is sometimes straight girls can become possessive. ive never had that issue, as i dont make it a common practice to fall for people who dont like my gender, but ive seen it before. oh sure, the attention is great at first, they relish the fact that your lesbian ass is sitting in their palm, but then as soon as you start hitting on other girls- awhh HAYELLL NO.
back to my straight girl, she is now pre med in flordia..aka shes bronzed up, and ready to operate! she recently contacted me and told me that she wants to meet up in the winter time when shes home on break. you know, meet all of my friends, get wasted with us, possibly get naked- maybe im just day dreaming here. now of course i casually said 'oh that would be lovely' when ive secretly been waiting for us to rekindle the friendship for years.
so lesbians, whats the moral here?
well first off i implore you- and yet know we all are hardwired, and no amount of warning will stop it- but dont fall in love with the straight girls. they may be hot as fuck, they may be DTF* like none other, they may also be everything you have ever wanted but we all know its going no where. with that said, i wont lie- it is a fun ride if you can take it.
and also- i think for most lesbians/gays/bisexuals there was a moment in our lives when we too identified as 'straight' before we knew/admitted we were gays...so there is in fact hope that the straight girl youve fallen for, is really the closeted lesbian whos meant to be your soul mate!
*down to fuck