so i came to the disappointing conclusion this weekend that
even with the success of katy perrys song-
even with lindsay lohan's current obsession with poon-
and EVEN WITH a lesbian wedding on daytime television-
we still have a LONG way to go to erase hate from ignorant peoples minds.
ive been wanting to write this blog for a while, but as sad as this sounds, i was waiting for more ammo for my arsenal. i knew it would come in time, and after getting back from the beach this weekend, i knew that now was the time.
first let me share with you a story of what happened to a friend of mine:
she would probably classify as butch.
alright- not probably, girlfriend is butch as hell- but i personally think that term is so aggressive. and furthermore, i hate to classify people, but realistically is it a 'classification' if it is a simple observation? (oh lord i could go on with that, but for now, ill let it sleep) so, without offending anyone- she dresses in a 'butchier fashion'.
she has short hair, a beautiful lil face, some tattoos and piercings, and when i look at her- i very much know that she is all woman, inside and out. (read: lil' lady is stacked up top. sorry cr, but you know how i feel about the mammories)
i digress, she tells me a story of how she went to a gas station in a rural/suburban part of virigina. its got a lot of 'good ol boys' but it also has a thriving economy and thus isnt JUST agriculture and firearms. whilst in the gas station store a man approaches her and says 'what is in your lip' to which my friend said something to the effect of 'its a lip ring, sir'.
now we all know that people of an older generation, dont 'get' tattoos and piercings, hell some people in this generation dont get it either- but she wasnt being rude or obscene. she was non-confrontational, docile, and even levelheaded while this man spoke with her. she was collecting redbulls (b/c lord knows 'mos love their yagerbombs) and this man continued the conversation.
he followed her to the counter and hurled more questions at her.
'what are you?'
'are you a boy or a girl?'
'whats wrong with you?'
after 20 minuets of hearing 'what are you' and 'what the fuck is wrong with you', my friend stayed silent. (please note, no one in the store said a thing, not even the clerk) she told me later that she didnt know if she more in shock or disgust, but she did know that she was fearful. she told me that she had nothing to say, b/c she had never played this scenario out in her mind. she legit believed, like most of us do, that this world is changing for the better when it comes to being comfortably out and accepted.
the only words she did manage to say were, 'have you never seen a gay person? *to man behind counter* please ring me up.'
she went on to explain to me how it made her feel. everytime someone tells me a story like this i ALWAYS ask how it made them feel and not shockingly, its always the same regardless of the situation.
some of the words she said to me were, humiliated, inhuman, forgotten, and unaccepted.
she walked out with her head held high- it was the only thing she could do. but as she walked to her car the man stabbed one last time, 'FAGGOT!'
faggot? really? is this 1996? is that a valid cutdown anymore? didnt the gays reclaim faggot? i thought we did.
sir- i hate to break it to you, but im pretty sure that my friend is aware of her sexual orientation, and thus you yelling it in a parking lot just calls you out as a homophobe or (perhaps i am assuming too much here, but roll with me) you have now licked the proverbial envelope on your 'douche status'. yes sir, you are a grade-a douche bag.
i have to give my girl props, after this incident she contacted the better business bureau and was told 'we only deal with matters that better a business, and discrimination is NOT our department'.
the ignorance of people sometimes is just beyond me. how does anyone feel so above another to speak to them in a condescending way (::note:: i have few pet peeves, i may be neurotic as hell, but little really upsets me. but if you speak to me in condescending way- you have officially landed on my shit list. we are all equals- doesnt matter who the fuck you think you are, we ARE equal, and you can learn something from everyone)
so- another fun story.
a best friend of mine, whos also more butch then femme was at the mall. shes the type who 'flirts with the line' from time to time. (i.e. buys girls jeans, but wears jersey tops and bball boy hats- oh, and i neglected to mention, her hair is an adorable shaved blond mini-hawk) so she was in a store and she went to go try on some jeans- the clerk shouted 'you go on the otherside' implying that my friend was a dude. she shouted back 'im a girl'
now i was shocked my friend didnt straight up clock that c in the face, b/c my precious friend is in no way 'even keeled'. but she didnt...shockingly (or i suppose not shockingly at all) she was humiliated and insulted and promptly left.
now my personal tale of fun- while at the beach i was heckled, several times.
i was walking hand-n-hand with my lady. thats all.
we werent dressed inappropriately.
we werent waving rainbow flags.
we werent recruiting children into our gay army.
we were holding hands.
while meandering down the boardwalk, i heard a group of 20something boys say, 'look, lesbians!! dude its LESBIANS'....now at first, i was offended, but then i realized thats a little hypocritical of me. i told my girlfriend that i was offended that we were put on display like that. but the more i thought about it- i am those horny boys.
*hangs head in shame* i know. ill admit that when i think i see other lesbians, in my head im going, 'LESBIANS!!' however, unlike those boys, its not anything worth heckling.
now if said lesbians were sexing in front of me- i might interject a few words...all of which would be encouraging!
i digress, so we continue our walk- obviously headed towards the ballon animal man b/c im 5 years old and i love balloons. i see this couple out of the corner of my eye. they are not-so-subtly staring directly at my girlfriend and i.
the man turns to the woman and says, 'you see that right there?'
the woman, without missing a beat says, 'yes- and i dont want that in front of my children. agh.'
it was all i could do not to turn around and say, 'how in the world is my loving another woman ANY concern of yours?! on top of that, i am simply holding her hand, there is nothing lude or lascivious about that! and finally, its not the gays you have to worry about corrupting your children, its that tunnel vision view of the word you have that will royally fuck them up. you tell me whats worse- you filling them with hatred of me, or me teaching them to love people regardless of gender?'
people often assume that the homophobia is not as bad for femmes.
i will tell you first hand, ive never lived life as my buchier counterparts, but i know its no picnic being a femme in this hetero centric world.
some of the favorite things ive heard are:
- 'give it time, you are too young to know whether you are gay or not. you are just confused and didnt give boys a chance' -well first off, fuck you for speaking to me as if you know me, when you most clearly do NOT. it took me YEARS to come out, and it was one of the most painful processes ive ever been through. to come out isnt like a katy perry song, its not popular, its not fun or easy. its not this 'thing' i thought would be cool and piss off my parents, and make certain situations very uncomfortable. i think the only person is confused is you- as you seem to think your thoughts are going to change my sexual orientation.
- 'you are too pretty to be gay/you dont look gay/but you wear makeup'- awh, thanks. but just b/c you have complimented me doesnt mean that i think what you said was sweet. in fact thats incredibly rude- everyone comes in all shapes and colors and sizes, yah- i may not look like the stereotype of 'lesbian' in your mind but i assure you- there are LOTS of women who are 'too pretty/dont look gay/wear makeup' and they gay as hell. in fact, most of the femmes i know are bigger dykes than the butch girls...underneath the makeup.
- 'dont worry, one day god will show you the error of your ways, and will set you on the right path again in time. you have a great heart and i hate to see you go to hell'- thankfully i consider myself an atheist. so fuck that. furthermore, if i did, id wanna go to hell, a la BIGGIE!
it really does break my heart when i hear this happening, and unfortunately it happens all too often...why is america considered the home of the free and brave when we can encounter minds that are enslaved by hate, and full of fear?
so ladies, i wish you all luck.
we still have a long way to go.