Thursday, November 5, 2009

the great divide

the great divide
casual vs monogamy

'i just dont understand why she doesnt talk to me like she talks to you. we are all great friends- i just dont get it.' i said to my girlfriend the other day about a very close mutual friend of ours.
my girlfriend reminded me, 'ashley, you are different from us- thats why she doesnt want to tell you the nitty gritty about her sexapades'

different, what a broad term- however i knew exactly what she meant. some of my friends and i have differing viewpoints on sex, i personally am a monogamous creature. try as i might (alright, its clear i didnt try that hard) i just cant emotionally disconnect myself from being intimate with someone else. and to be perfectly honest, i dont really have any issue with that. sure a part of me is curious what its like to bounce around to something new all the time, but the overwhelming part of me loves the closeness and comfort of someone i truly care about- and on top of that, i do look back on fondly every encounter i have regrets.

now there are people who share my beliefs, but there are others that feel a more casual approach to sex is whats best. the main 'pro' ive heard to having an aloof outlook on intimacy is that emotions come less into play, that if you arent committed or if its understood to be a 'one time thing' no one will get hurt. also, the argument of personal satisfaction comes into play. a very close friend of mine adores women, but has issues with being faithful. she has been known to have beautiful ladies at her beck and call- im serious, she slays the FINEST women...but a relationship is a HUGE commitment for her and her lifestyle. she may argue that shes emotionally detached from all the women shes been with, but i know that there were a few that got to her. she personifies the mentality of 'lets just have a good time right now'.

so whats wrong with that?
absolutely nothing.

i dont personally choose to conduct myself in that way, but mostly because i know that i get too emotionally invested in people. i would in no way ever judge anyone who didnt agree with my views on monogamy and understandably, i expect the same respect. what it all boils down to, is one of my favorite lines that a homeless woman once shouted at me upon my exit from the gay club, 'do you babygirl, do you'. whatever works for you, whatever makes you happy, whatever fulfills you is what you should do.

as it pertains to my friend who doesnt want to talk to me about objectifying women, meaningless hook ups, or her being an all around ladypimp; do you babygirl. you know im not here to judge you, yes its not my business- but who doesnt like a good story? and even though my friend wont tell me what happened this weekend in graphic detail, every lesbian knows- the truth comes out eventually ;-) and babygirl, i know what you did on the couch!

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