Thursday, September 9, 2010

fecal matter face

fecal-matter-face
and that time of the month

when i emerged from my mother's lifehole 23 short years ago, i was covered in an adorable mixture of amniotic fluids, blood, and human fecal matter. not having ever experienced childbirth, it's easy for me to consider being a literal shithead upon delivery disgusting- vomit inducing even. the thought of a pristine newborn looking like a jackson pollock in various shades of brown reminds me that no one is perfect. whenever i accomplish something noteworthy in my life- something that might cause me to shout from the rooftops, i remind myself of one simple truth...you were born a warrior but your warpaint was shit- stay humble e cloi-face.

being humble isn't always easy when you are a good looking, ferociously smart young woman with a dazzling smile. but if you were a lady in your early twenties with gangly limbs and a borderline unhealthy love of dinosaurs, humility is something that comes naturally to you. it's hard to be cocky when you own both a fanny pack and a pt cruiser.

the perks of poo comes in the form of life lessons. i've learned it might give me pink eye if it finds its way in/around my optical area but no shit can't squelch my dreams. i've never had issue with taking pride in my work but i have always been quick to downplay my successes in attempts to stay grounded.
(i fear resting on past achievements causes people to settle...i never want to settle.) i've made no bones about the past several months having been less than stellar. throughout the summer i assured myself that something spectacular was coming my way- i just had to muddle through waist deep shit to get there.

now it's rare that i toot my own horn but BEEP BEEP mo'fucks! i can't keep this to myself any longer! i sat on this information for a little bit- mostly because i had a hard time believing it was real- but a dream has come true in my world and i'm one step closer to finding the cure for aids.

ok- half of that statement isn't true but i did land a new internship. while i doubt it will put me on the path to curing aids, it is the gayest, most magical moment in my life to date. imagine witnessing a unicorn mount a vespa and drive on a rainbow colored road, all whilst wearing a top hat and handlebar mustache... THAT is how i feel and have felt since the news came down the line.

some of you don't enjoy reading and find lots of words in a small font boring. you probably didn't even actually read to this point you just skimmed for a paragraph break..for you (and loyal readers alike)
HERE IS MY BIG BIG NEWS:

i got an internship with the new show, bridget mcmanus presents: that time of the month
which in turn means, bridget mcmanus is aware of my existence.
the same woman who pillow fought with lena headey and is married to karman kregloe, emails me.
the show airs on LOGO and afterellen.com, hello gay meccas!
AND my name will appear as associate producer!
OMFG!
i'm sorry- i still have a hard time digesting the whole thing.

that time of the month, showcases the film and video work of lesbian and bisexual women. i owe yourdailylesbianmoment author, arlan, a giant thank you. if it weren't for her, my little email would never have been taken seriously by bridget, let alone found it's way to her inbox. she has been a tremendous inspiration and friend to me throughout my time in the blogosphere and posts photos/videos of incredibly attractive (generally half naked) women...thank you arlan- for everything.

my summer into fall transition has been an exciting one, to say the least. one might even go so far as to say that i couldn't ask for anything more...but i will. it's a modest request, nothing that requires too much from you. i ask simply that next tuesday morning come 4am EST, you park yourself in front of a tv, turn on LOGO and watch: bridget mcmanus presents- that time of the month! then it's required that you laugh hysterically and tell all your friends about this delightful, new, lesbifriend-approved show!

storms of shit are worth weathering. while in the midst of one it's not uncommon to wish that life could go back to the way it was before. the smell, the feel, the overall quality of life during shitty times is just that- shitty. but we all know storms don't last and nothing is as it was before. life is all about progress, positivity and learning to dance with shit on your face.


bridget mcmanus presents:
that time of the month
september 14th, 2010
4am est on LOGO

(if you are interested in being featured on the show and meet the requirements, don't hesitate to e-mail me: apacowayner@gmail.com and i will pass your work onto bridget...i can't wait to see what you ladies are working on!)

14 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I was not expecting to read your good news with a title such as "fecal matter face" lol. I'll check it out when it airs but you'll remind us right?
    \o/
    Double high five :D

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  2. That is so fantastic!! Our little queerFAQtor extended community is taking the late night tv world by storm this up coming week, its incredible.

    I'm so proud of you for fighting through all the crap with as much positivity as you could muster. Your optimistic additude, especially when things have got you down, continues to inspire me. Your so articulate, and that is such a wonderful quality. Every post is like a little verbal reward thrown into each long week.

    Work conflicts with my ability to tune in on tueday night, but you can bet your bottem dollar that I'll be catching it on afterellen.com the moment they upload that little jem!!

    There is nothing wrong with your Dino-love. I have a toy to show you, and some dino pogs!!!

    Never settle Ashley, there is a whole world out there, and I have no doubts that you will conquer it.

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  3. And why on earth wouldn't you believe that your a "good looking, ferociously smart young woman with a dazzling smile"?

    Maybe that isn't what you see, but it is what the rest of us see, just look a little harder at the girl inside of you Ashley, your beautiful and brilliant and so funny and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

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  4. holy shit balls! that is amazing! i f'ing love logo. i wish i had cable. i'm going to check out her show online right now. i'm so happy for you! you deserve it!

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  5. Holy Shit Ash!!!! That is "horn toot(ing)" worthy. Just so you know, I read the entire post, not just the bold!!! But, had I only read the bold, it still would be amazing news. I'm glad someone note worthy has finally seen the brilliance we like to call Ash Bash. I'm glad this has happend for you. As you so eloquently stated, you have wade through some pretty thick shit here recently. You deserve all the best. Go out and celebrate. Then get your ass to work, never let them see you sweat!!!!!

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  6. There is no such thing as unhealthy love of Dinosaurs {or pirates, just to throw that in}
    RAWR means I Love You in Dinosaur...

    Can't say that any of my 3 Womb Fruits were covered in poo, ...guesss I was Lucky 13.

    CONGRATULATIONS on the internship. I hope it's everything you want it to bE!

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  7. i'm so happy for you, this is awesome! you deserve it, for sure: now, go out and make mama proud!
    xx

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  8. Her Mama has always been proud of her ! She arrived on earth pretty much just as she stated, but let me add, she arrived RIGHT on the day she was expected (always anal about time she is !) and she forgot to mention she arrived face down, that is to say "kissing my butt" on her way into this world ! I might also mention as soon as her face hit the lights (you know those obnoxious lights aimed at your po-po in the gyno's office) she screamed .... yes, she KNEW from birth that when the lights go on, she's center stage. She's remained center stage all her life and has more talent in her pinky finger than most do in their entire bodies. You see her writing here and that's stellar too, but until you've seen my baby on stage, performing in a play, you haven't seen it all. And I won't even get into how I think she would be the funniest stand up female comic too. I'm not sure how I was blessed with this child, but I thank God every time for every milestone of hers that showcases the limitless talent of my own little Ashley Bashley puddin'n'pie - kissin' the boys and makin' them cry. --- No Mama could be more proud!

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  9. :) good, i'm super proud too and that's from half a world away, from a doppleganger writer friend whose never met her in person. this will change when i'm back in the country and i'm sure she's as impressive as you say and more - can't bottle that kind of impressiveness in mere words

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  10. Holy molly that's kinda badass! Congrats!

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  11. Ash i love your mom <3
    See what I mean, everyone has faith in you. You make a lot of people happy, your unique, and creative, sassy and sweet. Everything a mother would want in her daughter and someone would want in a friend

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  12. Congrats!! Very exciting! I missed the episode this week, I'll have to catch the next.

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  13. 1) In case you haven't heard it enough yet, congratulations! The only television I own only offers functions limited to video games, so shows on the LOGO channel for me has to be reached by other means.

    2) This blog reminded me of a gallery here that has a strikingly similar name to this blogs title. If you're ever here in San Francisco, make sure to stop by the Fecal Face Gallery. It's actually root-tootin' fantastic, and not fecal-y at all!

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