Tuesday, April 13, 2010

random thought #28

random thought #28
a little lesbot rant + some thoughts


"i'm not a lesbian!"
the phrase took me by surprise coming out of her mouth...i know sexuality is fluid and i don't raise issue with those who amend their title later on in life- but this girl has slept with more women than shane, loves crafts more than rosie o, and hasn't seen a woozle since sex-ed in high school. her tirade continued, "i refuse to allow this world to place me in a box, and the title of LESBIAN does JUST THAT." you would have thought she was speaking at a gay rally and lesbians had switched sides and were picketing with westboro baptist church. melodramatically, she went on, "walls cannot hold me back- the term 'lesbian' is so passé i just- i- i- i can't do titles any longer... from now on i am simply 'me'."

i appropriately chimed in, "oh, well that's neat... so can i still hit on you or not?" cue the pregnant pause, "what? was that out of line??" apparently it was and a dramatic eye roll from my friend was the only response i got. it was clear that her passionately prepared speech fell upon my deaf ears, and she did not get the reaction she had hoped out of me.
how did she expect me to respond?
"thank god you don't identify as a lesbian anymore...who wants to sleep with snatch all the time anyways? lesbians are boring- what with all the plaid, only hitting on girls, the downright reckless use of beanies. good for you for spicing it up... fuck those walls holding you back."

she told me that she was no longer a lesbian, but simply 'me'...am i to congratulate you on identifying yourself as yourself? i get that finding yourself is a journey, but is saying 'i am me' really THAT much of an epiphany? i'm sorry you don't feel that 'lesbian' is an appropriate title but i'm tired of swallowing negative statements just so someone else can feel 'more like themselves'.
don't get me wrong, i'm thrilled that you have found a more accurate way of identifying yourself, but don't rip others down in the process. while 'lesbian' may be a confining title for you, it is a liberating one for me. it took me years to say it aloud, let alone identify as such. the word alone has proved to be the key for countless women who have found strength in identifying as a lesbian.

those 'walls' that you refer to, the very ones you claim hold you back, are self imposed. the world doesn't care who you sleep with; the world doesn't say because you are a lesbian you can't have feelings for certain people; the world did not place you in a box. you allowed yourself to believe a simple word could dictate your life, and with that you all but jumped into the 'box' you are trying desperately to escape.


is it just me, or have both diane sawyer and katie couric found their inner power dyke now that they are on nightly news?

at first , i could excuse the more conservative attire as a move thats intent was to mirror the serious tone that their broadcasts have taken. the networks had their work cut out for them. both women left very public, successful morning show positions, where it was their duty to be the nation's little cupcake of news come 7am. and now their job requires them to be strong assertive, credible, newscasters...(which i think they both are doing well- but my girl, diane, is KING)

now, the hair is shorter; the blazers have broader shoulders; and the overall look is more gender neutral...watchout rachel maddow, they' re all about your dyke swagga'!

{-} an ashley definition {-}
republican fanatically right-winged party-sexual girls:
(personal pronoun); women who openly and proudly wear their political affiliation on their sleeve, they are not afraid to get up in your face and let you know that they are merely trying to 'protect the country and the constitution' and are tired of being 'Taxed Enough Already". they also are liberal lipped when it comes to denouncing a 'gay lifestyle'. what they neglect to mention is while they don't support gay rights, nor do they think the bible 'supports' our way of life, they have no problem getting wasted and trying to inhale another chick's face.

i'm certainly not implying these girls are lesbians or even bisexual for that matter, my issue with these women lies in their living in a hypothetical world. am i to assume by their actions that being gay is only ok when you are wasted and you laugh about it later as par for the course?

it's worth mentioning that living in/around the nation's capitol, it's not uncommon for people to be extremely boisterous in regards to their political beliefs. i guess my issue is less with the fact that they are committed to their causes but rather that i believe what i believe because i consider it part of the fiber that makes me. i don't support gay rights because my party does- i support gay rights because intrinsically, it matters to me. so when someone is steadfast enough in their beliefs to tell me that "gay rights are not important to americans", then they turn around and do something very gay (ala a flirty photo shoot with your friends in the bathroom, where making a V over your mouth with your fingers whilst pretending to eat your friend out is just 'cute' and 'girl stuff') one can understand my confusion.


  1. You are awesome.

    I'd like to say that I'm kind of in the middle when it comes to politics. I'm not a big supporter of the health care bill, there are some good parts but overall they hid a lot things from the general public. When it comes to finances and taxes I'm definitely more republican and I always voice my opinions. When it comes to social issues like abortion and gay rights I'm obviously more liberal. The first sticker I put on my new car? An equality sticker. I consider myself a feminist and am totally pro choice but I find that most people take advantage of their "rights" to choose. I hope you don't consider me one of those girls. :)

  2. @heather- not in the least to i think poorly of you and your beliefs. i know you can back up every one of your stances on issues. MY problem is when people tell me that gay rights aren't important or frivolous as they do something of a gay nature. i'm mostly referring to some conservative minded young women i met while at school, you know i have nothing but mad respect for you.

  3. To be honest, I think that your criticism of your friend for not wanting to identify herself as a lesbian is unwarranted and insensitive. Sure, she might be lesbian in the sense of the word that she likes women, but with that label of lesbian comes so many more things than just that, as I'm sure you're well aware of.

    Furthermore, even within the LGBT community, there is homonormativity. I don't identify as a lesbian even though I'm attracted to women, especially because I'm an Asian American womyn and see that so much activism and media coverage for people in the LGBT community ignores my struggles as a person of color and fails to acknowledge racism within the LGBT community. For these reasons and more, I choose to identify as queer rather than as a lesbian. And although I realize and am glad that you embrace your identity as a lesbian, I just hope that you will think about this a little and not criticize your friend for choosing to identify or not identify with whatever.

    Just some food for thought. I usually really enjoy your blog posts and find your sense of humor quite entertaining, but this post hit me the wrong way.

  4. @anon- i do see that there are still huge strides that our community needs to make. normally i do take up and defend my sisters- regardless of their orientation. i knew i would be taking a leap posting something to the contrary of that but i felt the need to defend myself.

    i have no issue with people making amendments to their title (see my post 'its all fun and games until the bisexual dates a boy'), my issue with my friend was how nasty and repressive she spoke of something that brings me clarity.

    it's not that i'm upset with her for not sharing my beliefs- i'm upset that in order to lift hers up she had to put mine down in the process. i'm tired of being made to feel as if i'm settling for something less because i feel a word can be all encompassing.

    i hope i didn't hit you hard enough in the wrong direction to have you leave my blog for good, but for what it's worth- i am sorry that you were offended. that was the furthest thing from my intention. take care!

  5. Wao such a very good article. thanks for sharing with us....