Monday, July 26, 2010


breakups suck

how are you supposed to react when the one person you never thought to doubt betrays you so viciously you fear it may leave you permanently jaded?

how do you remain positive when your world screams,
"people are selfish and not to be trusted...and because you seem to not want to believe that- lets ensure you do by completely dismantling everything you've ever held sacred"?

how can i look back at this time and see anything other than the utter devastation this has crumbled into. the once idyllic landscape we worked as a unit to maintain has become overgrown with thorns and brush. the pristine river that cut through the backyard runs as black as oil. it's been transformed from a peaceful pasture to the slut-peppered-party-of-a-lifetime...and my invitation has somehow gotten lost.

i hate the moment in a breakup when you realize the one you loved (and arguably still do) is now a stranger. when all the empathy drains from their eyes and their motivations turn inward. while you sit at home and weep over the
possibility of hurting them, they are out unapologetically living their life.
you have regressed to little more than a blip on their radar screen.
you are nothing more than one of thousands of flakes floating around in their snow-globe.
you cannot be friends because they are sleeping with your 'friends'
you cannot hang out with your friends because they are friends with the friend your ex is now laying with...biblically.
"i thought of you the whole time" are unspeakably harsh words...they should be forbidden.
nothing stings like being the last to know.
nothing feels like being purposefully left in the dark by all whom you trust.
you have to move out.
you are no longer important.

breakups suck.
watching the one who once cradled your heart in their hands rebound, sucks more.


  1. I know breakups suck... your right ...

  2. I'm going to assu....I mean, think, that You are now single? I'm very sorry to hear that.
    Being the nice round age of 44. no wait, 43 and having had my heart broken by boys and girls, I can only say "this too shall pass".
    or, you can just come to New Orleans, have a proper New Orleans funeral for your lost love, and then proceed to Parade in the New of Your Life!

  3. :(

    It does suk. But once you get over the hurt/betrayal it's easier to remember the good times and forgive.
    You'll be fine girlie!
    Just don't get like me. With a subconscious defense that doesn't let you find anyone that gets anywhere near to your inner circle attractive.

  4. But the good part of the breakups is that you learn from those mistakes future reference.
    Breakups are hard but if the person is evil and immoral the best way to go is walking away completely from their life and have no strings attach. Another good thing is that in this world there's to many fishes to catch that fan enrich with all the things that you need. it will take time to catch but eventually you will.Remember you have a few quality friends that support you still the end . Best Wishes Ashlin

  5. Hi Ashley.
    I was recently wondering about this. I mean, literally. I read that you were single and I asked myself what the hell happened and why I didn't I knew before. Did I miss a post or you didn't write about it. I guess now that's kinda clear.
    Well, it sucks but... opposite to my fellow readers, I don't think is all that great or a milestone in one's life to find new horizons and be stronger... because I haven't been able to do so in almost 2 years.

    I've tried so hard to "learn" and "get over it" that it just hurts even more. The worst part is that it has nothing to do with my ex; she even moved out of the city and we have almost zero contact... It's me.

    I'm so hurt and so deeply I'm giving up on myself.

    Girls come and go and I can't feel a thing. I'm really worried If this is EVER gonna stop making me miserable.

    I think about it as scars. Scars. Sad, innit?
    ... they are going nowhere...
    and so am I.

    I send you a big kiss. Hope everything goes great for you. Keep writing, is what I have done to keep myself clear headed.

  6. @anon- yah, thanks for your support...i still hold out hope it's just a speed hump versus a cobblestone road, if you know what i'm saying.

    @kellyann- whenever anyone says 'this too shall pass', while i know i should think 'biblical reference' all i think of is poop. given the options of poo or parade..i'm packing my bags and will be down shortly.

    @sophie- i'd be stupid not to gain some sort of lesson from this...the challenge is in not having the lesson be "shutdown completely- never trust again"

    @elena- i wish it was as simple as saying someone is all good or all bad, but we are complex creatures and everyone is a little bit of both. i can't allow one persons actions taint others. =) thanks for your kind words linda!

    @somegirl- scars might not fade, but the intial sting that caused it does. i'm sorry you're in this boat as well, i wouldn't wish it on anyone. and yet here we all are.
    i'd return your hug if i could...and i'd hold it a little too long so you felt just a pinch uncomfortable (those hugs are the best)

  7. That sucks...
    *hug because you're awesome and I love your blog*

    There's a good blog post about break-ups on Autostraddle (lesbian website) if you haven't already read it. They've got quesadillas and wine!

    (not spamming)

  8. @anon- even if you did spam autostraddle here, you would be more than welcome to! reading through that thread is intense...thank you very much!!

  9. Love sucks! I'd so buy you a beer or other alcoholic concoction if this wasn't the internet. Getting over that initial pain is so hard and then you have to deal with the void in your life. Blah!

  10. lol! no, no poop here. um, there's a light at the end of the tunnel?

  11. hi lady. i follow your blog religiously.. and.. i'm sorry that you've had to put up with this crap lately. :( there aren't really any proper words.. so.. erm.. here's an internet hug *squeeze*--

    this is going to sound stalker-ish but i saw your truth or dare vid and i live literally 10 minutes away from where you are. it's nice to see a local lady up in this piece.

  12. Ashley, breakups can be bad, especially when the person did something that you could never imagine. I am sorry that you have to go through this... If we had an answer for how to react to things like this, people would be a whole lot better off. Unfortunately, I have no advice for you, other than to say that you are not alone.

  13. @christopher- make my drink a unicorn with a flame thrower and you've got yourself a date!

    @anon- northern virginia strikes again! thanks for the did lift my spirits!

    @tyler- i want to hold your hand and put music to what you wrote. thank you for your words and your support.

  14. just found your blog today and came across this entry.. was in this same exact situation 3 years ago and i all i can say is that with time things like this always heal.. everything definitely happens for a reason and this probably did so that you can find something bigger and better then your ex.. no one deserves to be treated like shit but hey it happens.. best thing we can do is concentrate on what makes us happy and move on.. hope these words help ya out! in the mean time let raise our glasses and toast girl!