Wednesday, July 28, 2010

in attempts to not be a bitch i become a bitch

in attempts to not be a bitch i become a bitch
and other fun flaws in my logic

aretha franklin holds a very special place in my heart. many mistakenly assume my love of ms franklin is a direct result of her humble hat choice during obama's inauguration. this hat did warm my heart a great deal but the main force behind my love of her is in the soulful way she sang the 1967 classic, respect.

the way she demands to be treated; the sultry way she lays down the law; the no bullshit approach to commanding respect- to me, it's inspiring. throughout the song she stands firm in her convictions and her wishes are made clear. "i ain't gonna do you wrong- cause i don't wanna; all i'm askin is for a little respect" she's not being hateful or a bitch- she's simply asking for common courtesy.

when it comes to trust, i get why the greater portion of people don't give it out freely. as a person who trusts people until they give me reason not to, i've found life can be a bit more emotive for those like me. but as it pertains to respect- that's a whole other monster.

while there is wiggle room with doling out trust; respect, i believe , there is no room for question- everyone deserves it... even those you would rather just punch in the throat. if everyone took a moment to calm themselves before lashing out in a disrespectful manner, fights would flow in a mature way. if everyone gave everyone else respect as indiscriminately as we give out snarky cut-downs, the world would be a beautiful place.

but as we all know too well, respect seems to be a fleeting virtue. all too often people put their pride before their dignity. treating someone like absolute horseshit just to prove a point is a counterproductive measure. the only point that's actually proven is that you are an asshole.

the biggest challenge in giving everyone respect is dealing with people who are rooted firmly in negativity. as of late i've encountered such people and it breaks my heart to be near them. i know that the world isn't always the best place and i know that not all people living on this earth are good natured but i remain blissfully unaware of this fact when i surround myself with only good people...logic that while probably isn't healthy, has worked for me for years.

the downside to indiscriminately giving people your respect is that sometimes it's not returned and you get trampled in the process. no matter how much kindness you shower a person with they still possess the power to thumb their nose at you. not to long ago, i went out of my way to be accepting of a person who left a rather foul taste in my mouth. i knew my feelings towards him were baseless and not exactly warranted- so i kept them at bay. i went out of my way to treat him respectfully. i was convinced that if i kept up my respectful end of the bargain, he would surely follow behind...i was mistaken.

i learned, through him, that it's not about how a person treats you but how you treat them. when i lay my head down to sleep all i'm left with is myself. i am the only person who knows who i am inside...and even i'm not the best authority on that subject. if i can honestly tell myself that i'm a good person each and every night, that's all that matters. i should not shoulder the burden of someone elses actions.

my mother always told me not to act with the expectation of a reaction because 9 times out of 10 people will let you down. i was trying not to be a bitch and in the process turned into doormat. but you know what? i'd rather have people drag their feet across me time and time again then throw it all away and become something i'm not. maybe i just react to pain in a different way but an eye for an eye was never that appealing to me. i don't understand why people hurt each other simply because they have been hurt...that only continues the cycle of anguish.

aretha is on a play list with such jams as "faith" by george michael and "hold on" by wilson phillips...don't you dare scoff at me, it's my "get through it" mix. when i take a step back and look at the lyrical content of my musical library, it's not hard for me to see a trend. i enjoy songs with a message. i want to flood my ears and brain with philosophical musings about life, love, and achieving your goals. just as in life, not everything on my itunes is all about unicorns and rainbows (i don't even have the auto-tuned version of double rainbow even though i LOVE THAT SONG i refuse to pay a dollar for it). there are times in life when people will try- completely unprovoked- to knock you into another world. remember who you are and who you want to be, THEN allow yourself to feel...and always, above all else: R-E-S-P-E-C-T!


  1. YES!
    This is what makes you one of the good people.
    You're absolutely right. There is NO reason not to treat EVERYONE we encounter with respect. People shouldn't have to work to gain our respect but they should work to keep it. Everyone has their off days, and everyone deserves a chance, but don't give people too many chances. Unfortunately, it's just not worth the hurt it can bring.

  2. Double rainbow all the way for the people who are honest and can't be bothered with other people's shit even If it hurts.

    (I'm telling that to myself as well)

  3. @sophie- i'm just not comfortable being the one to say 'you dont deserve anymore chances'...i'm learning. lol always learning.

    @deadlykitsch- 1. your words are true and i thank you for them. 2. just took a trip over to your tumblr and if i weren't such a blogspot girl i just might get down on one knee for you. love your stuff...books, lesbians, and double rainbows <3