Thursday, February 18, 2010

relationship snipers

relationship snipers
words of warning

♫ ♪ all the single ladies!
all the single ladies.
all the single ladies!
put your hands down. ♫ ♪

this post goes out to all my committed friends. to the ladies, gentlemen and queers who are shacked up- today, i share with you words of warning. there are snipers on the loose, and they are coming after you and your partner.

aesop taught us as children to be wary of the sheep in wolfs clothing; just as the wolf donned a jacket made of wool, the snipers true intentions are shrouded in a mask friendship. but don't be fooled, their purpose is a much darker one. these folks put healthy relationships in their crosshairs and attempt to dismantle them from within. unlike 'relationship vultures' who prey on weak or broken relationships- 'relationship snipers' seek out the robust and seemingly impenetrable couples...and aim for the jugular.

i recently witnessed the strike of a sniper on a friend's relationship and it was a heartbreaking tale to watch unfold. the initial relationship that fell under attack was one that had weathered many storms but seemed to have a solid footing. what began innocuously as a friendship between the sniper and one of the girls, slowly evolved into a close comradery. slithering into ones comfort zone is what these sassy minxes do best, by assuming the 'friend' role they gain access to your life and emotions. but at some point the dichotomy of the friendship changes, the sniper begins to demand more of their new friend. through guilt and peer pressure the snipers convince their victims that they need to be around each other, as if kindred spirits, and they become a more prominent fixture in the lives of their prey. not shockingly, my friend's relationship did not end on a high note. the sniper did in time dismantle and undermine my friend's former affair. after her partner grew suspicious of her lovers new friend, the relationship never completely recovered. as we all know sometimes after things are broken, the original magic will never be restored and it's just best for everyone to cut and run.

the obvious question is, what compels these people to
destroy something beautiful? what's to be gained from extinguishing the flame of love for others? who knows exactly why people do the things they do but if i were to put on my dr.phil hat and pretend to have some sort medical training i'd say it's a hunt for power. those who prey on others always seem to have a disconnect when it comes to a realistic sense of strength...they gain strength from not only rising above others, but pushing them down in the process. deep down i imagine they aren't happy doing what they do, or they try to rationalize their actions away by saying, "i've done nothing wrong...this girl was talking to me, if she wanted to focus on her relationship she could have done so at anytime".

i still believe that regardless of who you are and what your motivations are in life, everyone is deserving of real love- lest it come from a relationship or platonic love. everyone is worthy of sharing space and time with other human beings and growing as a result. the issue i have with 'relationship snipers' is the same issue i have when people lay on my bed after i've freshly made it; after all of my meticulous work, you carelessly plop down as if you own the place, with absolutely no intention of pressing out the creases when you get quote stephianie tanner of full house fame, HOW RUDE!

so my lovers of love, my hitched hoss', my shacked up buddies, heed my warnings! be vigilant and hold your partner close, for you never know when a relationship sniper has you, or your loved one, in their crosshairs


  1. This one hit close to home...

    but I have a feeling my ex won't read this, nor give a damn.

    Life is like a box of chocolates, eh? You never know which one's just a turd.

  2. A few of The Man's "ex's" were like that, wanting to be friends, to stay close. I was like "Suuuuurrrrreeeeee, go right ahead, but um, while you're being Friends, I'm gonna find my own Friends. Kapeesh?" He decided He wanted to be friends with me. Its hard enough in this angry world without adding fuel to the fire, but alas, a punch in the face could land you in the slammer.

  3. @kellyann- lol, oh the overly friendly ex. good for you for having the strength not to use a swift face punch. while i'm sure your ex never thanked you, i'm glad you aren't in jail.

    @krissy- all i can think of is, "i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast" "you eat pieces shit for breakfast? gross."

  4. I know exactly what your mean, my relationship fell victim to a sniper using the guise of a straight girl interested in the same things. Well, what became a friendship in February, ended me and my partners relationship in March, and now I dont think we can ever be together again, not only am I freakishly suspicious and wary, but I dont think things will EVER be the same no matter what. Im sorry if this has ever happened to you. It sucks.

  5. very interesting concept. i had a boyfriend who had a male friend (someone i was also "friends" with since 2d grade) that always encouraged my boyfriend to cheat on me. i don't hold grudges, but i have zero respect for that "friend". he still can't understand why i don't bother to talk to him when i see him.

  6. @hipstercrite- i've seen those types of boys clubs, that don't really support relationships for whatever reason...i've also seen that in some lesbian circles, the mentality of 'relationships are not for me- and they shouldn't be for you'. i'm all for being honest with friends about your take on the health of their relationship but ultimately it's none of anyone's business!! why encourage carnage!

    @sam- lucky for me this hasn't happened to me, but after witnessing it several times over it prompted me to mention this for my friends that are still hurting.

  7. I read this yesterday. I was thinking of the only girl I've ever been in love with and how she replaced me immediately with a sniper. As it turns out, last night I found out definitely, that not only did this girl cheat on me several times with the sniper (and others too throughout the relationship, what a winner, becka), that she started dating the sniper before we were even broken up. WOW.

    Oddly enough I really doubt the sniper knew she was sniping. (Sniper, no sniping!)...or...please snipe so I can sooner figure out what a raging bitch and terrible person I've wasted a good chuck of my life on is. What a parasite. I don't blame my sniper, I applaud her.

    As for the ex --what goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way back around. And it will be much worse than the beautifully angry songs I write about her and parade around youtube.

  8. I am of two minds about this. On the one hand, I have watched someone attempt to move in on a (former) girlfriend, and know how it feels to be in that situation. On the other hand, I think it's important not to paint with too broad a brush -- not all single women are "snipers" or potential threats to a relationship. In fact, I think that sometimes snipers are already in relationships themselves.

  9. Of course, what a fantastic blog and instructive posts

  10. i really love the song single ladies, anyway who need boys if they can only do is to break your heart. or having sex with you and making you a toy. well better be single.