Friday, January 8, 2010

featured friends friday

featured friends friday:
miss cfreeze
the single girl's guide to being single

on friday's i've decided to spice it up and try out a new element here on lesbifriends- featured friends friday. my hope is to feature some of the talented friends i have- whether they be painters, photographers, writers, singers, or just incredibly rad folks- i feel that they have something worth sharing.
also, you know how i feel about alliterations, so the opportunity to utilize one WEEKLY was far too much for me to pass up.

stepping in to guest blog this week, i give you my friend, cfreeze. i've known this lovely lesbian for several years and she is one brilliant minded, fiercely independent, jewish gem. i have no doubt in my mind that someday she will be an accomplished lawyer and no- i'm not being stereotypical, she is actually studying law and isn't even a practicing jew.

if you like what she has to say, don't forget to comment and let her know!!

The Single Girl's Guide to Being Single

All the single lezzies (all the single lezzies) all the single lezzies (all the single lezzies) all the single lezzies (all the single lezzies) all the single lezzies… Now put your hands up!

We’ve been conditioned to think that “all you need is love” and that “my life would suck without you”, and so on and so forth. And yes, while there’s probably nothing better than coming home to a warm, stable relationship, we have to make those in between times count. And we have to be truly ready for those relationships when they come. Am I right? Being single shouldn’t just be the off time between your relationships. I truly believe that if one makes the most of his or her single time, and doesn’t feel the need to rush out of it, subsequent relationships will be more valuable and substantive. I will try to stay away from denigrating those U-Hauling Lezzies, but you get my point.

Everyone is different. My story is that my past few serious relationships have ended because of antsiness, mostly on my end. So clearly what I’m saying comes with the slight bias of someone who admittedly has problems with monogamy and commitment. A lot of people aren’t like that! Take what I say with a grain of salt, that’s all I’m saying.

Reasons I like being single:

1. No one telling me what to eat and how to dress-
Having dated my fair share of vegetarians/vegans/pescetarians/whatevarians, I’m sick of feeling guilty about how I eat. Yes, I know that eating meat supports a horrible industry (let’s not even get into it right now). And uh huh, I’ve heard that eating locally saves a lot of energy and helps the environment. And in our own little ways we should all make personal decisions as responsible citizens. But when I’m being told how horrible I am every time I eat eggs or go to McDonalds, you are bringing me down. Let me enjoy my meat in peace.

2. No one telling me to clean my room-
I had a girlfriend who would tell me she wasn’t coming over unless I cleaned my room (her place was like this immaculate, Buddhism-influence boudoir). I would lie and tell her I cleaned my room when I didn’t. She’d get there and tell me I didn’t care about her feelings. Sorry, I’m not going to practice feng-shui, this is a dorm room.

3. Being able to sit by myself for hours at a time-
What do you think I’m doing right now? Having some ALONE time. Loving it! I love to watch movies, read books, mindlessly surf the internet, and more! I personally know when I try to coordinate my Netflix account with a relationship, those babies never get sent back. It is a bit cliché, but they say you can’t successfully be in a relationship until you love yourself. Do you love yourself? Do you feel strong on your own? I don’t think I always did, but I do now.
I have more time for myself, and for my friends. There’s nothing worse than that lame feeling when you have to leave your friends even though you don’t want to. I like dictating my own schedule, and not being on anyone else’s time. Of course, there is the worry that I could be dead for a few days before anyone realized I was missing. But, um, I won’t worry about that right now.

4. Slaying the ladies-
This one goes without saying ;). There is something to being seasoned. I enjoy having multiple partners because I truly appreciate everyone differently, and I like having new experiences all the time. If I think a girl is cute, fun, and smart I will probably want to kiss her. But imagine how many people fit that bill. Why settle for an expensive entrée when I can partake in the less expensive buffet option? Oh snap!
I am promoting a kind of moralistic promiscuity, we can call it “Encyclopedia Slut”. Gotta get A-Z, ya know? But all for the sake of knowledge and experience. There are some ground rules to Encyclopedic Sluttiness:
-be nice, be honest
-don’t shit where you eat
-don’t double book
-don’t double dip
Basically all these rules add up to respect and true appreciation for your partners, and also not giving them the wrong idea of your intentions. Don’t be a monster in anyone’s bed, alright? HAVE FUN AND PRACTICE SAFE SEX (we all saw those finger condoms, Ashbash. Word.).

5. Avoiding awkward dinners with her parents who are simply picturing you eating their daughter’s cooch-
Correct me if I’m wrong, but since we are young (for the most part) we have a lot of contact with our families. I am in college so when I’m on break I am in my childhood home. This means that my parents have more access to my partners than I’d probably like if I was thirty. Hell, my parents have met people I’ve had one-night stands with (well where the hell else were we supposed to go?). It’s all so very awkward. However, the less close we are, the fewer awkward encounters we have to have with each others moms, dads, and dogs.

There’s no reason to rush it ladies! I’ve noticed a lot of people rushing into relationships, and hell, I’m probably guilty of that too. But life as a single can be FUN, and if we don’t really take it for all its worth, our relationships might suffer as well. Brush up on some cultural bull you’ve been missing out on (go to a museum or something, rent some old movies) and date around! Meet lots of people! At the end of it, or at least I, will have a better idea of what I’m looking for in the first place. Dating is really a trial and error game, so play the numbers! And don’t forget to slay the ladies ;)

Signing out,

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  1. Great reasons. Love your sarcasm...funny but true.

  2. Buffet food can't even begin to compete with the satisfaction derived from a fine entrée. Nobody actually prefers random sketchy food that has been sitting out in the open for hours to a gourmet steak that has been cooked to perfection. You're not fooling anybody, miss CFreeze ;)

  3. actually this just made me feel a whole lot better about my current situations in life and where i'd like to be :-D

  4. this was VERY interesting!

  5. I'm currently single and haven't had my mind over the fact that I no longer feel awkward in front of somebodys parents. You know, they REALLY hated me over my ex's house... no question I got a WIN out of the break up. Thanks for the reminder :D