post from a previous time:
run baby, run
---originally journaled back in december 2008---
there's this strange negative connotation put upon those who 'run away'. i suppose its because we regard those who run away as cowardly, or neglectful. i.e. a deadbeat parent, or a lost child. when you hear of someone running away, we often forget to ask 'what where they running from?'
running from pain..
running from whats wrong..
running from the past..
running from yourself..
really, does it matter?
i for one say, run baby.
i found liberation in answering that question with 'i don't know- i have no fucking idea..and im ok with that.'
they are so subjective.
same as 'morality' and 'values'.
same as 'hot' and 'cold'-
i am a strong supporter of facing your problems, and addressing what it is that is troubling you, but sometimes- you need to cut and run.
normally i want to work things out.
but it just got out of control.
well, ok- honestly, the situation wasn't that out of control..but i was.
i was headed back to a dark place-
a place that i've been too many times before, but this time, it was not warranted.
i had no reason to be so torn, so conflicted.
i had no reason to have so much guilt, feel such pain.
i had all the power.
the power to run- or not.
the power to choose- or not.
the power to chase- or not.
the power to sit still.
a runaway train..rolling down the tracks, with no clear notion of where exactly im headed.
i don't have a plan for the first time ever.
im lost and found.
all at once.
life is beautiful...