Monday, January 25, 2010

we can't be lesbifriends?!

the semi true myth:
we can't be lesbifriends

this weekend my friends and i reached an interesting impasse regarding girl on girl friendships in the lesbian world. my argument was simple yet incredibly idealistic- anyone can be friends with anyone, no matter sexual orientation or identity. the latter stance was that lesbians have a more difficult time maintaining friendships with other lesbians as sexual chemistry always comes into play and one cannot fight that animalistic urge. while i do agree that there is a valid argument for the possibility of sexual chemistry tainting a friendship, i moreover believe there are a lot of people i don't want to sleep with- and on those grounds alone i call 'shenanigans'! the gay community already has to battle the mindset of 'queers are sexual deviants, loose moraled, and fashion forward'. now generally speaking, we are on the pulse of fashion trends. come on now, who else is going to do your hair and style you flawlessly but the gays? but i will firmly argue that we are not the harlots of the world, we don't sleep with everything that walks, and we can maintain friendships with other lesbians.

our hetero-counterparts are no doubt familiar with the "girls and boys can't be friends without sex" argument, so it's not as if i'm breaking ground on the subject, however is it really that crazy to say, 'we can be friends- even though we are packing the same heat down south'. am i really that far out of line to imply that we are not just a bag of impulses? 'but we're animals ashley- when there's chemistry just can't stop'.

prior to coming out, most of my friends were boys and queens. at the time, i felt as if i just got along better with boys and wanted to avoid the undoubted drama ladies bring. however in hindsight, i realize i was just being a latent homosexual, who subsequently was incredibly intimidated by beautiful women. but whatever the case may be, the fact remains- it is possible to NOT have sex with your friends. nothing annoys me more than when people don't own their actions, and blame chemistry for their lack of willpower.

a friend of mine recently cheated on her longtime girlfriend. the excuse that she cited for her indiscretion was, 'the connection was strong [with the other girl], and we both just couldn't help ourselves'. i have been in situations where the tension was high and we both wanted nothing more than to maul each other, but ultimately it wasn't the chemistry that took off our clothes- that was pure old fashioned manpower. why are we giving up our right to choose by saying that something else is driving us and we merely follow where it leads? is it so hard to own your actions, even if they don't put you in the best light?

i am proud to say that i have a lot of lesbian friends, furthermore i have a lot of attractive friends that i would not mind seeing in the nude, but to say that our friendship is marred by sexual tension is ridiculous. to imply that straight girls can only befriend other straight girls, or that gays can't befriend gays is archaic and silly- it's high time we own our impulses and all become friends (sans benefits).


  1. nicely said :) i will agree with you And my best friend is a straight girl and im flaminggggg soo im glad we are on the same page

  2. why does everything always revolve around sex? i don't get it. i'm with you!

  3. Heh. There's not a single female friend of mine who I wouldn't feel up if I got the chance. Just to, um, see what it was like.

    Thanks for voting for me in the Bloggies, lady! I voted for you as soon as I started looking through the GLBT category. It's marvelous that we're in different categories, eh? We should totally add each other to our respective walls! Keep up the good writing, and I'll be back to stalk you!

  4. Thank god I'm not the only one who thinks this way! Very well said!

  5. I feel like I should be able to be friends with other lesbians, but I have to say that sometimes it seems like that's much easier when you're in a relationship (and seen as off limits?) then when you're single (and seen as up for grabs?). Grumble.

  6. ahhh- the age old debate! will it ever be resolved?