what's the world coming to?
it's not often that a product is invented and the world simultaneously bursts into fits of applause. we have seen this made-for-tv phenomenon before; the snuggie, shamwow, slap chop, and the hover round- all useless products that through the magic of television i now believe i can't live without. (however, i'm far too broke to actually invest in these products and thus i'm not being hypocritical in my following statements. however to practice full disclosure, i will note that i do own a snuggie- it was given as a gift a few years back from my mother..don't judge me.) there is a new item on the scene, and this time ladies, the target demographic is right inside your pants. that's right, the cleverly titled 'cuchini' is here to solve the problem of camel toe forever. just like the snuggie, you don't pay in monetary funds, but chalk over your dignity and all forms of self respect + shipping and handling and BAM- you got yo'self a cuchini girl.
their website proudly says, "The Cuchini pad is a product used to smooth the ridges of a woman's mons pubis area, providing a sleek and camouflaged appearance. The Cuchini eliminates what is commonly known as "Camel Toe." Simply place "Cuchini Pad" into bikini, lingerie, or sports attire, narrow side facing down, and adjust to personal preference. For a more secure placement two-sided tape is included. It can be used with or without underwear."
ok- i hate to be such a spoilsport, but does anyone else think that double sided tape anywhere near ANYONES genitals is flirting with disaster? and while i'm all about calculated risks, if i did choose to invest in some sort of protective garment for my friend downstairs, why would i use it SANS UNDERWEAR? just imagine a piece of foam in the shape of a bike seat dropping out of your pants, how exactly would one play that off? 'i just like the extra support and padding it gives to me' whatever, camletoer.
could you even imagine being at the meeting where they spit balled names for this classy device? i both can and did! here's my list of alternative names for the cuchuni:
- cunt cup (a bit lewd- i know, but i was going for the alliteration)
- camel cover
- muffin mask
- snatch shroud
- labia lid
- vag meat holder (i'm certain this was on their list too, it just screams marketability!)