Monday, October 5, 2009

penis envy

i love my vag > your dingdong
its simple.

often times, upon hearing ridiculous shit being propagated amongst the masses, i feel it is my duty as a lezbot to enlighten the ignorant. ive heard rumblings of the proceeding statement off and on for years- the age old 'penis envy' debate..well you know what?


let me reiterate for my friends who have a hard time understanding- lesbians do not wish that their vaginas were woozles, the people that feel that way are transsexuals, ladies and gentlemen. and id still argue that not all of them have 'penis envy'- sure maybe they would like one to grow in place of their vaggapuss, but to say they are envious implies they want YOURS.
and i assure you- they do NOT want yours.

now personally, i have a fair amount of straight guy friends. this topic has arisen on numerous occasions, and while their points are often valid- its completely insane to insinuate that because i love women as much as any hetero man, that i in some way want a wand in my pants.

i will address the arguments, followed by my rebuttal:
  • "you buy dildos, strap ons, and other tools that are penislike; you must want a penis"
    no, in fact, quite the contrary.
    those tools can heighten the sexual pleasure during an act. just because our toys look like your dick does not mean i want a penis. good lord, if i woke up and my vagina wasnt there, and in her place was a giant dick (ok who am i kidding, id probly have just a lil stump) i would loose my shit. (admittedly, immediately after i had a panic attack i would take my morning wood and start touching things..then i would move onto knocking shit over..and cap off my morning with poking holes in things)

  • "you cant hit the spots a penis can- thus you need one to have pleasure"
    this one is always SO MUCH fun to smack down.
    first off this 'spot' you are referring to is one that your dick only reaches when you are mid-climax. the penis curves in such a way that is said to 'hit the gspot', so yes sir- you are right that you hit that spot. however to then deduce i cant reach that is laughable.
    your dick doesnt have shit on my able little fingers. with a little bit of effort and practice a lesbian can give the same (if not better, imo) level of satisfaction to any woman.

  • "if you date a girl that looks like a boy, shouldnt you just date a boy?"
    just because a woman dresses in a way that society sees as a 'boy' does not mean that im narrow minded enough to believe that. i know that underneath that flannel top, white wife beater shirt, ripped loose fitting jeans, and her colorful skater shoes that shes got all the parts i know and love. moreover-shes sans wiener. and i count that as a plus.
    its like when someone says 'oh damn, i have a thing for asian girls' and then says 'i dont really like tall girls'...its all a matter of preference. some chicks dig dykes, others like queers, and others still like being with femmes. but deep down the outward things we see are pretty much bullshit. i can dress like a dyke, and my girlfriend can don a dress, just to switch it up- IT JUST DOESNT MATTER!

  • "every lesbian hates guys because they secretly want to be them, thats why they are gay"
    well i cant speak for everyone, so ill just speak for me.
    i, in no way shape or form, want to be a man.
    i do not want a dick.
    i like fucking women.
    i am gay because my mother didnt breast feed me long enough so i have a constant oral fixation and longing for boobs. lol- i kid, i kid.
    i am gay because i was born this way.
    i love the female form, including my own, far to much to EVER want to change the perfection that is the vagina.
    as far as me hating fellas? well thats silly. i have a lot of guy friends, i know some of them hate me because my gayness impeeds their ability to hook up with me. but i dont hate anyone..even the people i should.

  • "but dont you wish you had a penis when you see a hot straight girl, that will in no way ever be with you?"
    nail. on. head.
    haha no no. im kidding- even then, while i could see why i should want a woozle in that situation, im far to confident in the sex appeal of a woman to believe that a straight girl would ever 'in no way ever be with me'...give it time, or alcohol, or roofies (im kidding, i in no way support date rape, or any form of 'surprise sex') i think most lesbians will agree, most girls are willing to try ladies- even if just once.
i hope that i have covered all my bases, and have successfully proven that us dykes arent lost little girls, pining for a lil fella in our pants.
we are secure, confident, vagina owners.
and fucking proud as hell!


  1. i have penis envy. does that make me a tranny?
    i have penis envy in the annie hall sort of way.

    Annie Hall: So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?
    Alvy Singer: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that.

  2. I plan on having every guy I know read this, so thank you for writing what I have to explain every time sexuality is brought up in a conversation.