Thursday, October 8, 2009

being labled

being labeled
on your own terms

are you butch?
are you femme?
are you queer?
or are you comfortable?

i often find a great divide when it comes to labels. never, will we ever 'define' everyone, so why try? (being the little gem that i am- i will answer my own rhetorical questions. why try to define anyone? well, on a fundamental level i do think that there is comfort in labels. it makes us as humans feel safe in a way. when we give something a name its less scary, we can say 'that is a tree', 'that is a dyke', 'that is a car', etc. but we know realistically that every living thing is unique in its own way, and thus any one word meant to define an entire group of people is unrealistic.)

some feel labels are too constraining, others feel they are perfect and need no changing, i of course have a completely different mindset all together. i love new, fresh, and dynamic ideas; i also love doing things that make me happy creatively. that may mean that i deck myself head to toe in flannel, that may also may mean i strap up my heels and wear a freak em dress; simply- i fit no mold.

i know im not alone, the title of butch or femme is so much more than clothes. sure, outwardly i do come across as relatively femme..i like my makeup, i enjoy my heels from time to time, and lord knows im a fan of shopping (thrift stores only please, im not one of THOSE femmbots who goes to the mall- and also, bitch we in a recession what are you doing at nordstroms?) i dont feel that i am completely one or completely the other. im comfortable.

so how do i define myself? as everyone should, i made up my own word. im sure this comes as a shock to no one, as i live my life WAITING for opportunities to make up new words, and implement them into my life. we are all unique, thus a catchall label is NOT for me (or you for that matter, you special little peach of a gal!)

after much thought, i feel im married to the title of 'comfortbian'.
has a nice roll to it, feels good jumping out of my mouth, would look just dazzling on a t-shirt.
comfort is paramount in my life. from what i wear, to who i interact with- i do what feels right, good, and is comfortable. i enjoy dressing as only i can, not because im trying to fight the man, or im trying to stand out- i dress this way because its what fits me.
and isnt everyone just living a life where they want to be comfortable, happy, and true to themselves?
so whats your fun new title? who will you be in this moment?

while i now identify as a comfortbian, i still consider myself a femme, and a lesbian, and a dyke but above all else-
i am ashley, and thats the only title that really matters to me.


  1. OKAYYY so. this little "gem of a video" as you might say, got me jumping in my seat.

    We do have to "come out" daily and it's bs. People just ASSUME that I am straight, and it is the most annoying thing ever. I hate how everyone just assumes things. Even though it is only human nature to do so, as I do it too.

    And I think it's plenty hard being a femme lesbian. People assume I'm straight, and then when I tell them I'm not, they argue with me. LIke, who the fuck are they to argue MY sexuality ? And then they make another assumption that I date girls that look like guys. "Well why are you gay if you're just gonna date a girl that looks like a dude?" Umm, excuse me, but I date who I please, and I've never dated a girl that looks like a guy. Haha. I prefer pretty girls. =]

    Then, to make everything EVEN harder, no one knows I'm gay, so it's that much harder to find anyone to be in a relationship with. Not only do we get discriminated against by straight people for being gay, but gay people also discriminate against us for not looking "gay".
    And gay people constantly question my sexuality and don't believe I am actually gay just because of the way I look.

    It's funny because people accept that a "butch" girl is gay because of the way she looks, but a lot of the "butch" girls I know are actually girlier than I am..

    ahh..stereotypes can blow up.

    I have lots more to say.. I could go on for hours.. But not via internet because I can never get what I fully want to convey out this way. blahblahblah.


  2. here here! i totally agree. i define myself as "lauren". i could be a girl, boy, straight, doesn't matter and i don't care! great post (as usual)

    p.s. you're a freakin' writing machine. you churn out quality posts as easily as taking a crap.

  3. kirstyn- you know i know what you are saying. albeit you get more of the male attention than i do, as your boobs sit prominently on your chest. you know i will forever be marveling at your lady lumps.

    and lauren, i wont lie, i copied your comment and pasted it to my mother b/c i was so flattered! thank you again.

  4. oh hey, are you on twitter? if so, you should put up a "follow me on twitter" box.