Monday, September 14, 2009

the confirmation nod

the confirmation nod
you know whats up

so i was out to lunch with my girlfriend at panera, as i am a fan of their grilled chicken caesar salad and the form fitting polos they force the girls behind the counter to wear. as we were walking to go get our drinks i notice a girl behind the counter. when i turned to look at her she smiled, and i thought to myself,
now thats a friendly little lady. after our meal was complete i went up to the aforementioned girl and asked her for a little to-go box, which she provided, post-haste. after giving it to me, we shared a pregnant pause- as if she was waiting for me to say something more than just 'thank you'..awkward.
but then it all became clear what she was after- when my girlfriend and i walked out, hand-in-hand, the girls smile grew even bigger, she made eye contact
and she nodded

its the classic confirmation nod, ladies.
the simple head gesture that says
'i see what you are doing over there you big lesbians, and i wholeheartedly approve'..and generally in addition to an ally, one can generally deduce that shes a vaggamuffin eater too.

the nod will generally occur in the most innocuous of places; a grocery store, the gas station, a church, hell- a daycare center...just think of a place where being flamboyantly sexual would be a bit inappropriate- gay or straight. it is an exchange that will happen when you least expect it.

the nod however, isnt a fail safe way of determining ones sexual orientation. a very close friend of mine who i met in college down in newport news, is a beautiful bisexual. she told me of a story of when she encountered some lesbians at work. they came in and being in a somewhat small town it wasnt often that she ran into other people in the LGBT community. she mentioned before they left, they turned to her and she gave them the confirmation nod, which that time indicated her support and that she too appreciated the beauty that is a naked woman.

and after chit-chatting with my girlfriend about 'the confirmation nod' she brought up a valid counterpoint- 'ashley, i have never nodded at someone i thought was gay' alright, well- way to completely undermine the VERY point im trying to stress, but it is valid nonetheless. it wont ALWAYS be a nod- some will smile, some will nod, some will wink, i dont think anyone pokes unless on facebook (and even then, its a very odd gesture to make..if a stranger poked me in real life id be inclinded to...uh, maybe yell- b/c to be honest, i couldnt get violent- ill run and holler before i throw a bow.) the
confirmation gesture is the equivalent to a lesbian tip of the hat- and frankly, who doesnt love chivalry?!

this goes back to my firm belief that all gays subconsciously (or completely consciously) are on a carmen-san-diego-like hunt for others like ourselves. i find myself often playing wheres waldo with girls i might even semi think are gay.
please dear lord tell me im not the only one?!
tell me there is someone else who, like me, upon wandering around a new area, whilst seeing fresh new faces, dreams a little dream where most/all of them are lesbians too? perhaps ive just called myself out for day dreaming, or perhaps there is another lesbot like myself?

i guess that means my 'gaydar' is fucked up, or my 'wishes hopes and dreams' meter kicks into high gear and overrides my gaydar. or im over analyzing it.
i digress, i hope that you too are on a constant search for fellow lesbians.

and now we come full circle, back again to
the confirmation nod. be on the lookout for smiles, winks, hat tips, and pokes (from the creeps)- you never know when a lesbian is near.
and you know what else?
every time a bell rings,
a lesbian gets wings*..

and its clear by 'wings' i actually mean 'first piece of flannel, and/or an ani difranco cd or tegan and sara mix'!!


  1. oh my god, i almost snorted coffee out of my nose. i'm in my office and they're shooting a commercial so i have to be really quiet, but i keep laughing into my hand. i hope you write a book one day.

  2. I hereby declare this the quintessential post on nodding.

    And also, I really like your blog. Nod.

  3. My gaydar is constantly on, and constantly working overtime (into wishful thinking mode) just as you described.
    I'll convince myself that not only are girls secret queermos, but they're also totally infatuated with me (like the other day when a girl asked me for the time in one of my lectures and i spent the next hour studying her and trying to see if she was watching me/picking up on lesbian hints in her appearance).

    But I don't think I've ever nodded.

  4. I don't think I've ever nodded, smiled, sure, but probably not, since right when I think I should, I figure whoever's smilling at me is just being friendly.

    That was, at least, until I was having this conversation with a girl (a customer at my store), and she gave me the once-over. I might've done more than smiled and awkwardly laugh before continuing the discussion if I swear that probably wasn't her mom over there. Eeugh. I wonder what gesture you'd make if that was the case?