Friday, September 18, 2009

dinosaur eve


dear faithful blog readers;

brevity is key with this post, as i fear it could be my last.
you see, tomorrow i may be arrested, jailed, and were we still under bush policies- perhaps locked up in guantanamo.

a dream is coming true for me shortly- im going to
'walking with dinosaurs' saturday evening. now i understand that it sounds pretty lawful. it would seem as if i couldnt get into a great deal of trouble there unless i tried. so whats to fear ashbash?

i am riddled with worry because i found out just recently that the shows intended audience is 8 years old and up. now im ok with children, i have no issue being cordial with them- hell i was a sports camp counselor for years but i also know im excitable.

i know myself, and i know how passionate i am about a select few things- dinosaurs being paramount. i also know that i am not afraid to admit, i shed a few tears of joy upon hearing the news that my mother had surprised my girlfriend and i with tickets to the show...and not only tickets, but good tickets. i scouted out my seats online, and shits bangin. im not sure when my dinosaur love evolved, but ive always been fascinated by those giant fellas. i mean, think about it- creatures that ruled this planet over 200 million years ago are selling out arenas with their likenesses in 2009. that is insane. and theres a bit of compassion one feels for an animal whos name means 'terrible lizard'.

so- back on track, me + children + lifesize dinosaur recreations = possible jailtime. i know what happens when i get really excited. i tend to get a little enthused, agh ok- thats putting it lightly. im terrified im going to punch a child in the face in order to get closer to a brontosaurus. im scared shittless i might elbow an 11 year old if he tries to get the dino memorabilia i want. im nervous i might just toss a baby into the belly of a tyrannosaurus-rex were he to be hungry. its shameful to admit that i may in fact, loose my shit at this show. i cannot wait!!

i think the more depressing part, is that ive been to concerts and shows before and nothing has gotten me as excited as this. admittedly when i saw muse for the first time, it was as if i had seen the face of baby jesus himself, but i wasnt worried about stomping a kid. i was fearful i would be stomped when i went to a killswitch engage + dragonforce concert- but that shit was on me because i wore a paisley shirt, and amidst the sea of black band thrift-store-tees i didnt stand a chance.

so, my mission tomorrow night:

  • do not urinate or defecate on yourself
  • do not touch any children, in any way- any sort of contact while dinos are present could result in the ol' get the fuck outta my way shove to the side
  • do have the time of your life
  • do not cry (i feel the need to stress this, as im almost positive i will cry)

so long my lady loves, i wish you a tremendous weekend, and i shall let you know how my trip back in time goes.

warmest regards,


  1. Look, if babies weren't meant to be fed to hungry T-rex specimens, then why are they shaped like perfect little popcorn shrimp? Whatever you do, we support you.

  2. i'm really sick, but this post just made me feel a little bit better. thank you (p.s. my most reoccuring dream involves dinosaurs)