Tuesday, September 22, 2009

to brighten your day

just a lil story
to give you a lil smile

through my facebook stalking, i have come to the conclusion that today my friends need a little pick me up. everyone is downtrodden about being sick
(then, in an attempt to be both witty and topical, they will make a joke about how they have the swine flu or h1n1. which, just to clarify, isnt funny at all- sarcasm doesnt convey well via your status updates, and subsequently you will be seeing a LOT less of your good buddy ashley- b/c this bitch doesnt take chances with the flu) some friends have recently suffered a heartbreak, and others still are just being nasty (aka miss thing is about to be raggin it).
so of course, i see it as my duty to drop a deuce of happiness into their laps.

my girlfriend and i were at cobalt's lure sponsored ladies night this weekend and a girl approached me. she did the
sly saunter over my way- you know, when someone slowly meanders your way and acts as if some random forces just pulled you together (meanwhile, back in reality- said person in all actuality has been eyeing you all night, and just NOW got up enough courage (read: drunk) to say hi.)

so this beautiful, tall young woman walks up to me and tries to strike up a conversation. my girlfriend was close behind me and thus i felt no harm in making a new friend. contrary to popular belief, you can be friends with someone with whom you know sex is not an option. some recoil around those in relationships saying 'we cant just be friends'...fuck that noise- own your actions, not cheating is not hard, dont be hatin on my shit.

but i digress- we chit-chat, and the typical 'first bar/club' conversation ensues. how are you; are you having a good time; what are you drinking; do you live in the area...you know the drill. although this girl wasnt playing nice at all. see conversations work best when they bounce back and forth between both parties- girlfriend missed that memo. i would ask a question, she would answer- no, no thats it. you arent waiting for more to accompany that sentence, it just would stop. then start. then stop. kind of like when i try and drive stick shift and cant even get the car turned on.

the conversation somehow managed to go on for about 5 mins, it was at this point that my girlfriend noticed the girl i was talking to and she introduced herself. (of course this was only AFTER putting her arms around my waist and holding me tight. now before you roll your eyes and say aww please remember, shes only doing as she is programmed- lesbians with girlfriends ALWAYS piss on their territory when other females are around) turns out, my girlfriend knew the girl. i couldnt help but laugh because shocker you find two random lesbians in a city- by law they are GOING TO KNOW each other somehow.

so, what made this seemingly mundane encounter one that i felt the need to blog about?
BITCH WAS CAUGHT IN A LIE and it was amazing.
normally, you will find i dont enjoy others in pain. im terribly empathetic and am constantly 'putting myself in others shoes', but this is one of those few times i had to sit back and watch the train wreck.

during the conversation the girl mentioned that she knew sign language, this peaked my interest as i took ASL for 4 years back in high school.
*enter my girlfriend*
'oh you know sign language?' the girl nods in the affirmative.
'but you arent deaf, right?' girl giggles, then says 'no'.
my girlfriend is glorious for an infinite amount of reasons, but she really rose to the occasion in this situation. some people fear confrontation, and because of that, generally dont call people out when they are feeding you bullshit- not my girl, she keeps it real.
'ah, because the last time i met you- you told me you were'

WHAT?! jackpot. all downhill from here.
the girl tries first to deny that she would ever pretend to be handicapped.
she could tell we werent buying it, as i began laughing hysterically.
danielle then began to recount the story as it actually occurred. apparently this girl had talked to a friend of hers, and being a good lesbian team player- she scoped the girl out and tried to engage in some light banter in hopes of giving her friend more information.
the girl ignored my lady, then signed that she was deaf, and refused to talk to danielle AND the friend that she was trying to holler at.

moral of the story- dont say you are handicap when you arent, for someday when you least expect it the chick you blew off will find out and she will either be horrified and embarrassed that you felt the need to lie (by saying you are handicap, no less) to get out of talking with her, or she will chuckle a bit thinking, sucks to be you right now.

to those of you having a shitty day- hang in there, things will get better; one of my favorite quotes, 'theres a crack in everything- thats how the light gets in' always brings me comfort.
to those of you who were recently dumped- i know you are hearing a lot of 'aw, fuck your ex' but i know deep down you just want to hear when the hurting will stop. i cant tell you that, but ill hold your little hand while you cry.


  1. good to know shitty drama is a trend right now and i'm not the only one dealing with it...

  2. hahaha... bonus points for danielle. that's awesome.