Thursday, December 31, 2009

dear lesbifriends, happy new year

to all my dearest lesbifriends,

i started this blog back in july with the intention of having a resting place for my scattered thoughts. what was once just a silly little page where a few of my friends read my thoughts on topics that were important to us, has transformed into a sassy blog in her preteens. lesbifriends.blogspot is growing along with her readers, taking dips and turns and going through blog puberty.

haha, alright, perhaps writing this post in the pre-party stages of new years eve partying was a poor choice on my part, but be that as it may my friends! i wanted to take this time to sincerely thank you all for reading, and interacting with me. your support throughout this year has been tremendous, and i dont know if you all will ever know just how much you mean to me.

my blog is very much an extension of me. i can be completely transparent about my sexuality and i can share a curtness with you all that would be unfathomable in the 'real world'. i hope that one day the openness i share on my blog will be how it is in MY real world. but even if that day never comes, i will continue to try to unite us all through lesbian tales ive seen- i will continue to pour my opinions into witty posts, while always trying to remain as unbiased as possible (its my undying journalistic spirit, i tell ya!)- i will continue to try and prove that anger, hate, and aggressiveness is best combated with sensible, honest minds and words- and i will continue to believe that while the title may be 'lesbifriends', the subject matter speaks to straight or anything in between.

take care my lesbifriends, and be safe tonight- if you are out in the DC area, heres the sober ride info (its free upto $50, anything on top of thats on you- thats a sweet deal, considering the alternative DUI)

happy new year everyone,

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

holiday wrap-up (thank god we are moving on)
and new years eve plans

things i learned after making this video:
- i always assumed my girlfriend appreciated my quirky line of thinking, however i know now that shes either texting someone else or rolling her eyes at me...with love, im sure.
- the 'stock jewish dreidel' music was a perfect choice for our slide show..ive now completed my mission to work a jewish reference into every holiday video/post ive made this year.
-never again will i make a video whilst in the throws of insomnia...its a far too transparent version of just how erratic my thoughts can be.
- i needed chapstick...bad.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

its all fun and games until the bisexual dates a boy

its all fun and games
until the bisexual dates a boy

bisexuality, to some, is a pit stop on the road to coming out; but for others it is the final fluid resting place for ones sexual classification. as of late, i have a particular soft spot for my bisexual friends, as its become more and more clear to me that their life is in no way easy. i know that all involved in the LGBT community have it rough, but often bisexuals are swept under the rug and written off as 'confused', 'selfish', or 'wanting it all'. if i know one thing about bisexuality its not that they want everyone, they just dont see gender in the way that others do. its not that they lack morals and are sexual deviants- they simply embrace all people, regardless of gender.

i think the face of bisexuality is becoming increasingly one we are more familiar with, but unfortunately those who are publicly coming out arent necessarily doing much to kill the 'bisexual party girl' stigma. while i dont know miss aubrey o'day on a personal level, her public persona is that of a bit of a harlot. now, where she to be standing in front of me in her birthday suit, i dont think i would exactly fight her off- but i would demand a shower and a disinfectant spritz with lysol...i have a healthy fear of STDs, as should you, but i digress. angie jolie is arguably one of the better pillars in the bisexual world- but still, that community is lacking their ellen, the voice of reason to accurately depict who bisexuals are.

in my social circles we most certainly have our bisexuals, but within that circle are different tiers. you have your stereotypical party bisexuals, the straight girls who like to come and dip their toes in the gay waters but make an exit prior to actually doing anything (aside from stirring up a shitstorm). then you have your pitstop bisexuals, those who arent yet comfortable being out completely and thus this is their halfway point. the last level of bisexuals are those who are legitimately everything they claim to be- they love both men and women, and thats that.

most level-headed lesbians have no issue with those who identify as bisexuals, in fact most of the girls i know have even slept with a bi or two- so wheres the disconnect? how can we as a community preach acceptance and tolerance and still hold onto our own personal prejudices? why is there a stigma surrounding bisexuals, and how can we go about fixing this?

i suppose i should back up a little bit, and explain the stigma of which i speak. a few weeks ago i was talking to fellow queerfaqtor vlogger, chelle, about the downside to bisexuality and pansexuality. she mentioned something that really stuck with me- lesbians are ok with a bisexual, as long as shes dating a girl. but when/if she dates a boy, they turn on her. now you know me, i hate generalities and live to disprove them, or at least explain the other side- but i hung my head in shame after that comment. it may not be true for everyone, but i have seen the turn happen first hand.

before i met my dreamboat of a girlfriend, i had talked to a few bisexuals. ok- you caught me- thats a lie...i spoke to one bisexual- we all know im no lady killer. so this one girl and i have had one of those oober-flirtatious relationships. while no one has ever been intimate with the other, we have a close, fun relationship. early on in college, i was enamored by her- long wavy hair, the persona of a hippie, intelligent as all get out. time goes on, she falls for a boy and they live happily ever after. now admittedly, when they first began their love affair, i felt slighted. i was hurt, and took the move as 'man vs woman', instead of her simply following her heart.

i know now not to be so quick to judge, or to in any way think that a bisexual dating a man or a woman has anything to do with a gender power struggle but i still feel bad for my past mistakes. ive seen girls start to date boys and then they are made to feel as if they are selling out, or in some way are less a bisexual because they can so easily hop into the heterosexual waters.

i extend to you my sincerest apologies for my past indiscretions, and misjudging your portion of the community. i hope that some day (as pollyanna-ish as it may sound) we can all get along, and try to really understand where we all are coming from.
i hope someday, we can all just be lesbifriends!!

ultimately, we are all rolling around this crazy world together, we might as well try to get along while we are doing it. so your bisexual friend wants a little wang chung in her life, to each his own my friend! whats that you say? a bisexual wants to be taken seriously and not a punchline in a catchy katy perry single?? you got it! (not that i can actually make that happen, but ill try my darnedest for you little lady!) woah, a bisexual that actually dates both men and women!? no longer shall it be shunned, at least not in my presence!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

if i were a boy

if i were a boy...
even just for a day

its not often that i think about being a lil guy. im pretty content rocking the XX chromosome. but, after beyonce planted the seed of 'if i were a boy' in my mind, it got my gears going- what if i in fact were a boy? who would i be? ive given it far more thought than i should and came up with this XY recipe to imitate little ol' me:
  • 2 cups david bowie (during his space oddity years- but still pre lightning bolt on the face/ glam rock much as id like to see myself as a glam rock bowie, i know that im not quite that ostentatious and magical looking on the regular.)
  • 1 kilo of snoop dogg, and an 8th of biggie
  • 1 tsp of jon stewart (with a drizzling of willy ferrel- whip briskly together until blended evenly)
  • 1 scoop of vince masuka from dexter
  • an entire andy warhol
  • 3 cups jonathan safran foer (this is blatantly wishful thinking, as this man is a literary powerhouse and my favorite author, but i wrote the recipe so whatever i say goes)
  • 2 handfuls of the king of gonzo himself, mr. hunter s. thompson
  • a sprig of dr.drew (more his radio show days, less his 'sex rehab' days)
  • 3/4 cup salvador dalĂ­
  • 1 gallon of dwight schrute, if only so i too can be the assistant to the regional manager

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

holidays shamolidays: 'tis the season i wish i was jewish
...even more than normal.

kind of a broad topic, but after i reviewed this video i realized my love for jewish culture is now borderline obsessive. i wouldnt classify myself as a cynic when it comes to the holidays, i most certainly am a firm believer in magic, and whimsy, and mystery but i dont need to start getting ready in september.
also, i have no problem with giving to charities, however salvation army bell ringers? that bell is jarring as hell and makes me want to claw my eyes out...might i suggest a violin.

Monday, December 21, 2009

out of the closet yet still in the woods

out of the closet
yet still in the woods

being 'out of the closet' is synonymous with being openly gay, but often times identifying oneself as either 'in' or 'out' doesnt tell the whole story. i consider most of my friends out of the closet, but when i reevaluate what it means to be 'out' im no longer convinced that they meet that standard- and i question whether i can even classify myself as out.

what does it mean to be out? i regard myself out as a lesbian, however there are those who dont know that im gay.
does that make me less out? when i stated i 'came out' it was after i finally admitted to myself that i was gay, and then subsequently told my family. is coming out solely a personal experience? is it more about admitting to oneself, or to those around us? ive come to the conclusion that there are levels of being out.


level one: coming out to yourself
this is arguably the scariest stage of coming out. generally speaking, those in this stage arent a part of the gay community, or lack interaction with it as they are just dipping their toes into the gay waters. unfortunately, this is also the time when many feel the most alone and depressed, as if there is no place to turn and they are completely alone. of course, we know that this could not be further from the truth- that all it takes is a bit of courage to step up and show your face, and the gay community is very welcoming.

i know that one of the hardest things for me, was introducing myself to the gay community. from the outside looking in, it seemed like a world so unlike anything id ever seen before. i worried constantly that i wouldnt fit in, i doubted myself, i wasnt sure of anything- it was a postpubecent version of high school. its not until one is comfortable with themselves, and can say 'i am gay' to others in order to move on to the next step.

level two: coming out to your friends
this is the stage ive found a lot of my friends are in. they identify 100% (or in some cases 50%...i didnt forget you bisexuals!) as gay, they are out in our social scene, they are comfortable in the gay world, but they still refuse to come out completely. their families have no idea how they live their lives, and even if they have their suspicions- often times the parents are so in denial, covering for their children is no problem.

my nana covers for me all the time. ive never discussed with her my being gay. she has met girlfriends of mine, and she adores danielle (my girlfriend, who is referred to as 'my very good friend' by my nana) but she has never said to me, 'ashley i know you are gay'- nor have i ever felt compelled to exclaim to her, 'nana im a dyke'. she does however know im gay. (i only know this because last christmas my mother got me a shirt that said 'i kissed a girl and i liked it'. i tried to hide the shirt, and told my mother later in the day that i was worried my nana saw it. she said 'nana knows you are gay, are you kidding me?' no, i was not in fact kidding you..well- good to know) she is very big into the church scene and her friends often ask, 'hows ashley doing?' my nana loves to gloat about my life, as grandmothers do, but i find it hilarious that one of the things shes most proud of is my commitment to my job and my work ethic as a whole. she will often point to THIS as the reason i dont have a boyfriend, 'oh my ashley is far too motivated to waste her time with men!' i mean, shes not exactly lying now is she?

level three: coming out to your family
i know that i speak about my friends as if they are all comfortable with their sexuality, and for the most part they all are. however its not uncommon for people to be sure of their sexuality and yet still keep their families in the dark. certainly not something i necessarily suggest or endorse, but i felt obligated to let others who arent out know that they arent alone. whether they fear their families will completely shun them, or they worry that their parents will no longer support them, or simply dont feel its their families business.

im very close with my family and felt that if i was going to be out i had to clue them in on that portion of my life. it was not an option to lie, or try to hide who i was. in hindsight, i probably was a bit too demonstrative in my coming out with my family. i was extremely vocal, in that i wanted them to know that i was sure of my sexuality. this was something i had grappled and come to terms with and i wanted them to be 100% on board with me.

i learned very quickly you should never expect a certain response from anyone. in my head, my parents were going to be completely open and accepting, as they are now, but these things take time. just as it took me years to admit to myself i was gay, it is something that family members have to adjust to- regardless of how open minded they may be.


i think being out on whatever level you are comfortable with is whats most important. even if you are just flirting with coming out of the closet just know that you are not alone, and that there are people out there who will accept you.

Friday, December 18, 2009


yet another reason your gaydar sucks

a little part of me dies when they revise the dictionary year after year; adding words that arent really words, adding incorrect spellings of words just to appease the masses who refuse to spell them correctly (really oxford dictionary? grrl? REALLY?) or arguably our proudest moment as americans- when we straight up make up words and they catch on. metrosexual combines both 'metropolitan' and 'heterosexual' and is now accepted as common verbiage when referring to a fancy straight man.

if you read my blog with any sense of regularity you know that i live for the days when i can be amongst the scholars at the oxford dictionary 'new word finding committee', and i too can make up words- just be-fucking-cause.

so as i was flipping through my mind-rolodex of words, i noted that there was no word to describe a female metrosexual. now im sure most of you will argue that there doesnt need to be a word, as the definition of metrosexual could only refer to a straight man. but my friends, leave it to me to put a fresh, creative, new spin on it. metrosexual can be defined as a straight man who possesses stereotypically homosexual traits. so then, it would make sence for the definition of metrobian to be a straight girl who walks, talks, and acts like a stereotypical lesbot.

metrobians have been popping up all over the place, and im torn at how i feel about this. part of me is overjoyed because it means that the lines that divide us are becoming less and less easy to see, but the overwhelming part of me is frustrated with this because now i have no idea who im allowed to hit on. well, less 'who im allowed to hit on' and more 'who would accept my advances were i both single and had any amount of game when it comes to hitting on other women'. it was already painful enough, what with my horrible gaydar, for me to strike up a convo with a fellow lady lover but now i have a boat of straight girls who are wrapped up in the gayest boxes ive ever seen.

stylistically, i cant blame them- i mean, gay or straight, these chicks look great. the wife beaters, the buddy holly glasses, the scarves, anything from american apparel or urban- there is a science to how these ladies choose appear. imagine if a butch lesbian had a baby with a hipster, then that baby grew up and had a crazy one night stand with the fonz. then the bastard child that popped out of that relationship would be none other than a metrobian. these ladies have the undeniable confidence that comes along with every strong woman. they are cooler than you, and they know it- they are more indie than you, and they know it- they know more than you about lame bands that havent 'sold out to corporate america', and they know it. these girls are also very comfortable slipping in and out of the homosexual scene. normally its easy to peg the typical faghag, but outwardly metrobians appear to be gay and thus hanging with a bunch of homosexuals doesnt raise any red flags. they will flirt with you, they will engage in some witty banter- but dont be fooled, all of this isnt at all indicitive of their sexuality. they are straight, and pretty damn proud generally speaking.

ultimately, i think the idea of metrobians is great (and not because it was born in my brain)! with all joking aside, i do believe that its a great step in a longer stride towards no lines to blur us, or to mar our visions of each other. sexuality shouldnt be something that one can see right off the bat (however, i will admit that there are some gays that look really gay) and maybe if we reach a point where we no longer see sexuality written all over our clothes, then we can all be one big happy family that sleep together*.

*i, of course, mean this in a completely platonic way, as i respect you for your mind and would never ever try to ruin our relationship by crossing a sexy bridge.
furthermore, my girlfriend is the greatest spooner in the WORLD and finally- families shouldnt sleep together.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

where you NEED to go

the ladies of LURe present:
BARE's 1 Year Anniversary @ Cobalt

since posting, living off the gay grid last week, i have received several emails from ladies who told me that they too were living a life devoid of fellow lesbots and they yearned for more. (not that there is anything wrong with living this life, but it is nice sometimes to turn to those who understand the gay world) they asked me, 'where can i go to start meeting women'- ladies, it seems as if they gay gods heard your little cries and have answered with giant, BAM BABY!

its rare that a ladies night works consistently. i have no idea why but generally, the pattern goes something like this:


'hey! theres a new ladies night, lets all go and see how it is. if its a bust we can just go back to our local dives, but i think its gonna bring out a good crowd.'

the first night more than likely gives you enough hope to come back again the next time.

'the crowd is a little bit different, and its not as packed but still worth a cover charge and a taxi ride'
the second time the event goes on, you dont leave disappointed per say but you do have a bit of a different vibe. the novelty of a 'new event' is starting to wear off.

'did someone send out a mass email to NOT come here? where did everyone go?'
admittedly, this is when i enjoy going to the event because its at this point in time that i can flail my arms around wildly and dance to whatever song in my heart at the moment without fear of punching people in the throat.

'oh shit, they are still having that event?'
everyone has forgotten about the event, and is already looking for the next best thing.


the conclusion that is to be drawn from all this, is that club promoters and event coordinators need to constantly change up events in order to keep a consistent crowd rolling in. either that or just throw rad events regularly and build up a good repore with your clients. the main problem with this is that lesbians are a different breed, having been to both gay and straight events ive come to the conclusion that lesbians can be incredibly fickle.

ive found my friends to fall into one of two categories. you have the group who is perfectly content skipping the club/event scene and going to the same dive bar, or the same house party weekend after weekend. then you have the group who wants to find the biggest best event of the night, every night.

so how in the world are lesbian club/event promoters supposed to appease everyone? how does free champagne, celebrity guest appearances by some of 'the l word' cast (of course i have no idea who exactly is coming but im crossing my fingers for miss leisha hailey), hot lady go-go dancers provided by red bull, chances to win passes for dinah shore or queer prom, sound to you? still not convinced this is a party not to be missed? how about the fact that their will be a red carpet and a photographer on hand? yah, you love that dont you, you little narcissist!

all of that and MORE is being offered by the ladies of
LURe. in order to celebrate the one year anniversary of BARE at cobalt, they have pulled out all stops. first off, i think congratulations are in order for even having an event that lasts an entire year- let alone one that can still pull in a healthy amount of ladies month after month. the third saturday of every month is when BARE at cobalt generally runs, but this saturday will outdo all before it.

so- now that you are dying to go, heres the information you need to know. there are two different options as far as cover charges go- the regular rate is considered 'general admission' at $10, whereas the VIP option is $25. now im no lush, but im going to opt for the VIP, because from what i understand it comes with 'free champagne'. regardless of which you choose, this is most defiantly not an event to be missed. cobalt is located at 1639 r st nw, washington dc 20009 (essentially at 17th and r nw). doors open at 10pm, and this is NOT the night to be fashionably late. its going to be crowded, so getting there early is a good life choice.

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

lesbifriends x queerFAQtor wednesday=
debunking gay myths, rumors and stereotypes

to expand on the topics that were discussed in this video, i think its important to stress i understand that not everyone is as ok with the gay community as i am. i personally am entitled to my belief of those who dont support me and my world, are both narrow minded and hateful- but i know that it would be hypocritical of me to not allow them the same chance to speak that i get. you will find that i disagree with many of my peers on this- i dont think its right to counter a movement against gays with anger and name calling, an eye for an eye leaves us both blind (ghandi). when you step back and think rationally, there is always a logical way of explaining things and even if there isnt, spewing venom solves nothing. you do whatever makes you happy in this great big world, and im going to do the same. ill respect all of those around me, and hope that the same privilege is afforded to me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

way to go washington dc!

DC City Council votes to legalize gay marriage

WASHINGTON — Washington D.C.'s City Council has voted to legalize gay marriage in the nation's capital.

Mayor Adrian Fenty has promised to sign the bill, which was co-sponsored by 10 of the council's 13 members. The final vote Tuesday was 11-2.

The bill now goes to Congress, which has final say over the district's laws. Opponents say they'll try to get Congress or voters to overturn it.

Passage of the bill is a victory for gay marriage supporters, who have been dealt a recent string of defeats in Maine, New York and New Jersey.

Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa and Vermont. New Hampshire will begin issuing licenses in January.

If Congress doesn't reject the bill, D.C. should start issuing marriage licenses around St. Patrick's Day.

Monday, December 14, 2009

feelin blue

im sorry
re: this post

generally speaking, im an absurdly optimistic person. this isnt an accident- it has taken years to perfect the craft of consistently 'looking on the bright side' but when i slip, i most certainly make it count. my thoughts today were consumed with negative, angry, sad, and dark things. i tried to just focus on something else, but i finally just threw my hands up and admitted that i now felt compelled to try and expell these thoughts on my overall positive blog. fear not, im sure ill shake this soon, but as for now- im sorry, but these thoughts need to be let go.

i hate portions of myself. i hate very few things in the world, as i think its a strong emotion that- like love- shouldnt be thrown around all willy nilly. i feel as though inside of me theres this unmeasurable ability to do good, accomplish things of substance, live a life im proud of, inspire and be inspired by those around me, and be a genuine person. i know its there, but there are times that im more able to see my flaws. i know that im not unique in being my own worst enemy. i know that its a counter intuitive cycle that i shouldnt allow myself to get into, and yet here i sit.

looking back on all my flaws, all my imperfections, all the storms ive weathered- i know rationally, that humans have an uncanny ability to live through many trying situations. i think of my life compared to the plights of others, and im humbled in how much worse things could be. i havent been held against my will in a concentration camp, i havent been a slave, ive never been abused by a family member. now that doesnt diminish the shit that i have over come. ive been through my own personal hell and i will never forget that...some days i feel like im never going to shake the darkness completely.

i know that life is like the waves in that there is a constant flow, there are tides, and highs and lows. i try to rest my head at night with the thought that if i try to keep my flame of positivity lit in my heart that in time, i will get what i put out there.

just going to keep on, keeping on. (if i werent so blue, id totally break out into the brady bunch song- keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancin on through the NIGHT!)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

thoughts on 'true love'

thoughts on 'true love'
what do you think??

to elaborate a bit more on the video-
i feel a bit stupid that i didnt stress it more in the vlog, but i am aware that a visceral and cerebral love sound pretty much the same. however, i know firsthand that a mind connection with someone is completely different than when your gut tells you to be with someone. ive had encounters with people where i have been blown away by their intellect, and yet have no physical attraction towards them whatsoever. there have been others who on paper are all wrong for me, and yet there is that undeniable 'chemistry' for lack of a better word.

ultimately, to answer my friends question- i dont know. no one can explain love, its emotion- try explaining happiness in a way that appeases everyone, try explaining anger, try explaining regret or depression...its not going to happen because love does something different to each and every one of us.

living off the gay grid

living off the gay grid
every lesbian needs a gang

it has come to my attention that not every lesbian rolls deep. sure, almost the entirety of my social structure is comprised of lesbians (aside from my coworkers); and sure, 90% of those women i associate with on a regular basis have made some sort of sexual contact with another woman i know; but thats not the case for countless lesbians out there. there is an entire sect of lady lovers that are missing out on the glory that is the daily goings-on in the lesbian world. there are some lesbians whos only contact with lesbians is THEIR OWN GIRLFRIEND! blasphemous, i say. generally these girls are either in areas where the gay scene is lacking, they work in a closeted environment and/or are still in the closet themselves, or they just like straight people more. lately, ive been talking to more and more lesbians that are 'living off the gay grid'.

simply 'living off the grid' is when one lives in a self-sufficient manner without using any sort of public utilities. 'living off the gay grid', is when a gay isnt involved in the community and has very little contact with other gays. i once lived off the gay grid- shocking, i know, considering now im swimming in gay-infested waters. when i was first coming out i had no idea where to turn. it wasnt that i was shunned by my hetero peers- in fact all of my friends were incredibly supportive, i just needed to surround myself with like minded people. i needed some gay enablers up in my life!

i started out befriending a lot of flamboyant gay men, they were easy enough to spot. we got along well (read: they laughed at my jokes which i loved, and i let them dress me up which they loved) this then evolved slowly into what i now have, which is a life rich in gays. i never really counted that as one of my blessings until i began to talk to people who didnt have the same situation. now, let me be sure to clarify- i love heterosexuals, hell, i love people in general. i think there is so much that can be learned from every single individual out there- we all have stories and lessons socked away in the back of our minds that are just waiting to come out and be shared with the world. but there is something to be said for being around those who love the same sex as you do. a comradery, a brotherhood (or sisterhood as it were), a bond, is shared between those in the LBGT community- its something that should be treated with respect.

i know i complain from time to time about 'lesbian drama' or how gays treat eachother, but deep down i wouldnt trade my life for the world. i absolutely love being saturated in lesbians and bisexuals (truer words were never spoken, but literal and figurative) and i love being a lesbian. i love being involved in whats going on in the community, i love fighting for my rights arm and arm with likeminded people, goddamnit- i just love being gay.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

lesbifriends x queerFAQtor wednesday=
a whole lotta ashley

so im not entirely sure if i want to dub this latest installment as my highest high or lowest low. im torn because i personally feel as if the first 10 seconds are the most gloriously, topical and entertaining moments (arguably) of ones life, however i also realized that im wearing a dinosaur/alligator headdress while putting a creative spin on 'bad romance' by lady gaga.

whatever it is, it is amazing.

Monday, December 7, 2009

random thought #24

random thought #24
on a manic monday..well less 'manic' and more 'lame'

  • ive mentioned a local favorite band of mine several times throughout the lifetime of my blog, soja (soldiers of jah army) are arlington va natives and are all around rad fellas. i had to post this song, as the lyrics are some of my favorite written by the band and more importantly because they are on tour again. i cant wait to see them just after christmas!
  • i know that its not hard to draw parallels between katy perry and zooey deschanel (what with them looking nearly identical and all), however i feel as if poor zooey has gotten the short end of the stick. i have nothing against katy perry (even if i hated her song for a while, as every straight person i associated with found it hilarious to shout 'this songs for you' every time it came on. thanks guys- thanks for wrapping my sexuality up into a nice, healthy pop anthem that glorifies sexual fluidity yet in the same stanza claims homosexuality feels 'so wrong') but i think zooey is a bigger talent. shes a bankable actress, has flawless milky skin, and admittedly i just plain like her music more.
  • i initially fell in love with the kills during 'the tape song'...but as of this moment in time im loving cheap and cheerful:
  • on sunday the discovery channel aired its new series called 'clash of the dinosaurs' and of course i both recorded it and watched it. its really one of the better dinosaur docu-series, full to the brim full of incredibly fascinating dinosaur facts. even if you arent an avid fan of them, i still suggest you watch this. my girlfriend does not share my dino love, however she (was forced to by my puppy dog eyes) watched the show and i think enjoyed it.
  • is it just me or does ke$ha (who is on the rise for her song, tik tok) sound a lot like uffie? i personally love uffie and have a shitton of remixes of hers on my computer...but its something that bothers me. its clear it doesnt bother me that much, as i still love that catchy 'tik tok' song.
  • seriously lesbians, can you stop dating girls with your name or that look identical to you? its happening all around me and its making me feel uncomfortable. ive mentioned both of these things before and its clear no one took my advice.
  • after i finished my budget for this month i realized while i have enough to cover all of my bills i have literally zippy left for christmas gifts. at first i was pretty bummed considering i really do love giving gifts, making people happy, and finding the gift that wasnt asked for but most definitely one that they wanted. i became increasingly more depressed realizing that i was obsessing over money again and thats never been a trait id like to claim. how is it that i dont want to be the type of person concerned with money and monetary things and yet this 'real world', 'living paycheck to paycheck' bullshit is really waring me down. i cant help but obsess over money that i dont have. its not that im yearning for more to buy lavish things, i just want to be comfortable- and quite frankly this market is no longer going to cut it.
  • it bothers me that many in the lbgt community feel as if there are too many lables in our little world, and yet those same people are coming up with new and creative ways to define themselves daily. look- i believe sexuality is fluid. i have no problem with that argument, however just because i identify as a lesbian (and yes that means i dont leave the door open for any fella to walk through) doesnt mean im narrow minded. yes, pansexuals dont see sex in those they love, but i very much do. i dont care what you identify as, but when you start preaching about being open minded and not suffering from the 'boundaries of gender' thats where i draw the line. there is nothing wrong with stating your love for one gender (yes im defending both breeders AND lesbians) if thats how you feel! theres nothing narrow minded about being true to yourself. we are a community that prides itself on its inclusionary nature, and yet the more labels we find the more divisive our world becomes.

Friday, December 4, 2009

left for ex

left for ex
but not left for dead!
break ups are never a trip in the park; at best they dissolve naturally- at worst they require a restraining order and you are the proud owner of one very broken lamp. but no matter how amicably things are solved there is still that period of mourning where introspection takes place and one attempts to pick themselves up and move along with life. this is generally the time where its both appropriate and encouraged to surround yourself with friends. these friends will then will shower you with a never ending amount of compliments, drinks, or whatever you might need to shake the funk. this is also the time for you to feed yourself the bullshit you might not believe now, but you need to hear. (i am worth something, i will find someone new, i will be fine...) however with all of that said, there is one break up situation thats particularly nasty for one party to recover from. the most difficult post-breakup recovery i had was not only the first time my heart was broken, but when i was left for the ex.

no amount of optimism can really explain away when someone chooses another over you, and thus the recovery time is different for everyone. i remember when i had been dumped in the past it was easy for me to live in the delusional state where you tell yourself, 'it wasnt meant to be, i will survive' but what does one tell themselves when you are left for an ex?? what about an ex that was abusive and
antipathetic to any sort of healthy relationship?

a beautiful friend of mine recently felt the sting of being left for an ex. when my friend and her new girls relationship began to evolve, they were taking it slow. they chose to be cautious as both had been burned in the past, they tried to do everything as safely as possible but as soon as my friend allowed herself to fall- the girl bolted back to the arms of her ex. claiming, 'theres no reason not to be with her. she is a great person.' if you are that on the fence about whom you are going to be in a relationship with perhaps you should be more upfront from the get go.

playing devils advocate, as i often do, could you imagine leaving someone for your ex? when i think hard about it, i feel as if i have done something close to that before. while ive never left a current relationship for a previous one, i have been casually seeing people who i then essentially turned down for my ex at the time. earlier this year i was really struggling with what to do as it pertained to my love life. my girlfriend and i had separated for a little bit and it was during this time that a girl i had regarded as a friend became more than that. things never really had a chance to fully develop because as time went on, i became riddled with guilt. on the one hand i felt untrue to my ex- whom i still loved, but was very confused as to our future. on the other hand the possibility of something new was enticing, but i couldnt shake the feeling that i was throwing something away prematurely. i tried to be as upfront as possible with everyone involved, as i would have wanted the same respect.

what i do know definitively was that there were no winners in that whole situation. i had a friend, turned more than a friend who felt slighted, hurt, and for a while there- pretty vindictive towards me. then i had an ex, turned current girlfriend, who was thrilled i was back with her, and now sure of our love but who also felt burned by my needing of space and seeking comfort in the arms of another. and then there was little old me who felt like the biggest selfish douche in the world. silver lining to the story is that everything is fine now, as things generally find a way of becoming, but it was very hard for a while.

ill be the first to say that exes have an uncanny ability to make mischief in ones life. the relationship after the relationship can be a great one, but it also can cause unnecessary drama. so what lesson am i trying to impart? none really. it would be easy for me to say, 'dont let your girlfriend associate with her ex' or 'if you are casually seeing someone, make sure the ex is 100% out of the picture', i think we should still go forward with eyes open and a trusting heart. if i had remained jaded after my first big heartbreak, i would still be the emotionally stunted girl i once was. ill give you that heartache hurts (and at times, feels as if your chest has collapsed), but the moral of the story is that we all have the opportunity to dust ourselves off and try, try again!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

LBGT shout out

LGBT shout out:
towson university & MICA homosexuals

it would come as a shock to noone if i were to say no matter how big the lesbian world may seem, we are all connected. the online lesbian world is no different. i know that not all of my readers are lesbians- but i thought two groups of lady lovers deserved a special shout out.

i went onto the lesbifriend facebook page, and i was flipping through the members. i would click on those with pictures, and not because i was trying to get my stalk on, but i genuinely wanted to know who in the world finds my blog interesting enough not only to READ it, but then publicly declare that love via a facebook 'fan' status.

what i deduced after all of my 'perusing' was that there are a lot of fun looking lesbians that attend MICA in baltimore. practicing full disclosure i must admit, i have a thing for: hipsteresque, could be in an indie rock band, tattooed, introspective, artist chicks. so it would be a perfect pairing considering MICA stands for maryland institute college of art. my raging hormones aside, the few girls ive actually talked to that attend that school are incredibly badass. they all, from what i have gathered, have their heads on straight, are devoted to their respective art forms, and are just plain dynamic people. the type of girls you see once and go, 'i want to be her friend, i just want to sit down and pick her brain'. to all of the ladies at MICA who read my blog, and support it on facebook- i send you my sincerest thank you, and also a full body hug (you know the kind when that uncle hugged you and you could feel everything from his genitals to his ribcage? yyaaahhh, MICA ladies, prepare for one of THOSE coming atcha from yours truly.)

that brings me to the good ol' homosexuals at towson university. oh you ladies and gentlemen are just precious little peaches. the only time ive the pleasure of meeting a handful of these folks face to face was this trip to baltimore, when i met them all outside. i was minding my own business, puffing on a cancer stick outside of the club and these new friends make there way over towards me and my girlfriend. out of nowhere one girl says, 'im sure this is weird, but ive seen your videos online- are you ashley?'. then they all felt it was safe to come over, and expressed the same general sentiment! but dont think your alcohol consumption went unnoticed, friends of mine at towson. i cant wait to run into you all again, hopefully down in my neck of the woods.

the gay divide

the gay divide
lesbians and gay boys

in the gay community we shout tirelessly about acceptance, tolerance, and support of gays all around the world- and yet the facts remain, lesbians and gay boys dont always get along. sure, we will stand arm and arm at every rally, and fiercely defend those who attack our fellow homosexuals however if you look at the dichotomy between lesbian and gay men social circles and you will find a clear divide, the gay divide.

the gay divide isnt a nasty relationship between the two factions of gays, in fact its even made light of in many social situations. i can recall not too long ago a few gays came over to a lesbian party. one of them pulled me aside and said, 'oh my god- why dont we hang out more often?! lesbians are so much fun.' his friend jumped in and said, 'thats not allowed! no mixing of the gay juices!!' well- i was shocked! our juices come from the same cup!! of course i mean metaphorical juices, because implying that our literal juices come from the same cup would just be crass- and im a lady.

now i dont want to mislead you, even though its not a secret- the gay divide is NOT something that has intentionally happened, at least thats not how i see it. maybe in some circles there is legitimate beef, or an actual reason the gay boys and girls dont fraternize more often, but ive found- at least with those that i know- it boils down to 'interests'. the biggest difference between these two seemingly similar groups is how they socialize.

so as not to offend anyone, i will only speak of what ive witnessed first hand. when i was first coming out and still in college i found myself instantly attracted to anyone i thought was remotely gay. i had mostly straight male friends, but i started to see a shift in the demographic of my social structures. i had more and more gay men around me all the time. the types of activities we participated in were generally photo shoots. haha how narcissistic of me to admit, but most of the gay boys i associated with were either photographers or models. this is a pattern ive seen spill over to other gay men i know. dont tell me im spewing stereotypes to you- thats not my intention, but the gay boys i still associate with now are all flawless. im not even lying- when i was told to get a makeover for a job the only people i trusted to do my makeup where those boys. they have a blunt honesty that is admirable, but a stereotypical cattiness that most lesbians find off putting.

an interesting fact about lesbians. we will complain about how dramatic women are, and yet claim some gay men are too much for us. that is something i dont understand. drama is drama, your gender has nothing to do with it. we claim to all be different, and yes thats true. but we are so much more the same than we are different. im not preaching some sort of unity party, if you dont wanna hang out with lesbians- go right ahead you big queen. but dont judge a book by its cover- you never know what sort of gay is going to make your day! and finally, in my humble opinion, i think lesbians are a perfect addition to anyones friend roster.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

lesbifriends with queerFAQtor wednesdays

lesbifriends x queerFAQtor wednesday=
a whole lotta ashley

so as some of you all will remember, not to long ago i auditioned to be on the youtube collaborative channel 'queerFAQtor'. i landed the spot and this was my first week to sock it to em, the only issue being im not at all trained in video work and im also terrified ive done something wrong and subsequently the entire channel will hate me. but ill always have you, right?

check it out, comment, or at least keep upping that viewcount!!