Sunday, July 12, 2009

|:| weekend wrap up |:|

so, this weekend was an interesting one, as most have seemed as of late...


my weekend began at 11pm on friday night when i emerged from the confines of work and i blossomed onto the always entertaining DC gay night scene...

i hope its clear to everyone reading that when i refer to the 'DC gay night scene', i am not in fact referring to the actual gay night scene; what with apex, town, cobalt, phase, and all the other places that could be the 'scene'. but alas the 'dc gay night scene' to me consists of mostly house parties and crossing of lesbian circles..but i digress ||

...this night, not unlike countless others, is a house party- for stancypants and dee'lishus- i pick up those i was assigned to give rides to, DD as per the ush, and plug the address into my GPS and we are off.

off to the wrong house.

we pull up, at a house that i've been to before so everyone agrees 'this looks familiar enough to essentially loiter in their lawn until our hosts come greet us'.

and we do. and its great. standing in the middle of a court- staring into windows of a semi-familiar house in the suburbs but adding insult to our slight was that the house we were at mistakenly was also too, in fact, having a house party! our hosts- once realizing my error instructed us to the correct location, and party ensued.

and by 'party' i mean, sketchy ass dude following us to my terrifying/intimidating/mean as hell pt cruiser and asking not only for a bag of weed and some cigs, but also a ride to and back from the nearest 7-11 when we tried to dip out. mind you, said dude was also hassling us the whole party with awkward questions (i.e. favorite song from the 90s? my obv answer? wilson phillips, hold on- without a motha fucking DOUBT!) and also being far too shifty on his chair...note to all: never trust twitchers- they are up to no good.

and clearly the last encounter with the dude was our cue to exit and it's curtains on friday.

so its saturday, and no big surprise everyone in the lesbian frat house crashes at 5a and wakes up at 930a. how they do it is way beyond me- im an insomniac and thus any regularity in sleep is bizarre to me.

we are up early- and its brunch at whitlows on winslow...

now, some of you may be rolling your eyes or cringing right now, but please do not. its not another mindless blog about nothing but how dull my life is compared to everyone else's...blah blah blah- i have a message, rest assured- its brilliant. more to come.||

...then for the next 5 hours- i shit you not- we have to discuss, debate, plan, re plan, refuse, accept and regurgitate every saturday night plan offered.

lesbians, riddle me this- why the hell are we so damned hard to please? not to step on the toes of the women's movement or anything but is it impossible for us to agree as a mass? haha agh it would seem that yes, it is impossible. we are fickle ladies- each and every one- but im not talking to all of them, i blame that one lesbian in every circle of lesbians that fucks it up for know the one, always stirring up shit, and always messing with the plans.

the plan kept flip flopping but finally we chose to go to a good friend of mines party in virginia.
we roll up and its awesome. someone bought 90$ of bubble wrap and lined the floors and the stairs in them. oh, and also, neighbors im sure were a fan of the fact that the sidewalk was lined as well.

great idea, right? totally adorbz and you are going to tell all your friends? no. no and no.
first off- if i weren't in falls church i would have sworn they were gunshots
second- 90$ on bubble wrap? healthy? we are in a recession, save that shit for gas.
third- im quite possibly the jumpiest person on the eastern seaboard (b/c 'world' just isn't realistic) and thus rapid fire shot sounds at random and subsequent panic attack isn't what i would call a 'rad party'
but, all in all, it was a good time.
however, an important lesson was learned- of which i must impart to you now, in a section i like to call;

ashley's lessons learned
alright, this weeks lesson goes out only to the lesbians, b/c i can't speak for any other circle firsthand.

ladies, fuck buddy's? DO NOT WORK. nope. i know, you might be shaking your head b/c for years you have believed the myth that it was possible but it's not. and on top of that- if you're currently in one? i have bad news- its going to end poorly, or with someone pouting.
always does.

now, how on earth can i speak with such certainty?

i don't know you, perhaps you are that one who can slay mad ladies and exchange not rings but friendship bracelets. maybe you are that one who gets hella sweet vag and keep emotions completely out of it. and if thats you- well, way to be babygirl, and also the rest of this doesn't pertain to you.

i speak with certainty my friends, b/c the one thing i do know about you is that you are a lesbian, and thus woman.

and what does that mean? i dont think im reinforcing stereotypes when i say that lesbians are- how do we say- passionate about feeling. agh, why tiptoe around it, we are women and we are more emotional.

someone is going to fall harder into it and disrespect the 'line'.
or you both will and it wasnt supposed to ever be anything more than friends.
or it will lead to syphilis, and you will die. *10 points for mean girls reference*
but in all seriousness- the worst part is, it could really fracture a great friendship. i know, i know, cue the violins, but it can and does regularly happen.

be careful with your hearts my lil lesbots, and ur snatchboxes too.

friends should share 2 necklaces (one 'best' and one 'friend'), friends should not share vaginal fluids.
lawlz, but true.

..saturday cont'd
so, all in all things went well this weekend. bubble wrap party was entertaining, but i still found myself singing in my head 'why can we be lesbifriends?'

miss alisha and myself, rollin' in the cruiser with d (unseen) at the helm!

ashley's suggestions:
websites, photos, music, and movies i find dynamic

ima be real, shes been my babygirl since parent trap and that means stalking her is like facebooking an old friend..obsessively
Lindsay Lohan (sevinnyne6126) on Twitter

having a morality crisis?! DOs and DONTs EXPLAINED HERE! - DOs and DON'Ts

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