Tuesday, July 28, 2009

you want to be what?!

you want to be what?!
trick, you crazy

i remember in second grade, being asked by my teacher mrs. geiger, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?'

it was the first time we had all really been posed the question and she asked us to think about it and come back the next day and report back to the class.

of course i did something bizarre. it was, after all, in second grade that i accepted that i was completely unlike anyone else and good, bad or awkward- i was going to make the most of it, and OWN THAT SHIT!

so amongst the future doctors, lawyers, and my personal favorite a 'housewife' (not even a 'stay at home mom', but a 'housewife'...damn second graders with their sexist views, i digress) when i got up in front of the class i said:

'i want to be a tree.'

everyone looked at me like i was ape shit. i went on to elaborate about how my eyes would be the leaves and every time one fell, i could see where it went and in turn, live vicariously through it (admittedly at 8 i didnt understand the concept of 'living vicariously through' anything, but i know now thats the line of thought i was going for regardless of whether the notion itself was a bit above me at the time.) my roots would be huge, snarled, and full of life. id have a tire swing hangin on my left arm and a tree house on my shoulder.

my teacher laughed at me, hung her head in her hands and said:

'ashley, you didnt do the assignment correctly. none of those things are possible. what do you really want to be when you grow up- and be serious'

after that i ended up just sitting down. i was a very sensitive child and didnt handle being told what to do very well. moreover, my dreams of living in a fantasy world were dashed. impossible? was she insane?

i know that im a dreamer.
i know that im idealistic.
but that doesnt mean im irrational. i know now that a tree isnt a realistic occupation-
unless of course im him. but i was 8! DONT DASH THE DREAMS OF A CHILD!

people are still doing it to me- shit, people are doing it to everyone.
why isnt everyone encouraged to follow their dreams, make their own path and do whatever the fuck they (legally) want!
you wanna be a tree? you wanna be a fork? do you babyboo. do you.

so- what do i want to be when i grow up?
i know the things i'd like to do, but as far as defining myself id say unequivocally i want to be simply- me.
is that a cop out?
whatever i am- thats what i want to be.
sure, id love my own tv show. id love to move out to california. id love to be surrounded by beautiful, dynamic, brilliant friends and family. id love to be known for being a strong, unique, fresh woman, who was never afraid to be herself. id love to also own a dinosaur mascot costume at some point in my life. DARE TO DREAM!

so, if you are feeling low- or as if your dreams wont ever come to pass, i give you words of wisdom. (one of my favorites)

above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.
-roald dahl

also, for those of you who dont appreciate the eloquence of that quote, words of wisdom for you all:
two tears in a bucket- MOTHA' FUCK IT! - raging queen from apex, kristina kelly
yah. i quoted a queen. deal with it =)


  1. This kind of reminds me of when we came back to school after Christmas vacation and my teacher asked us to stand in front of the class and tell everyone what we did and I said, dismally, "I ate a ham sandwich. That's all I did."

    I was labeled the "weird" one from that point on.

  2. oh man- i gave my jewish teacher a christmas tie in 4th grade and all of a sudden im the 'ethnicity insensitive one'...
    ham sammich for xmas sounds delightful. id have been ur hammy friend.

  3. Can I just say, I've been watching your videos online and came across your blog and you are one funny, funny, FUNNY girl. Read your most recent post, october 5th, about Jill and YOU should not worry about anything in life. You should for sure use that comedic personality of your's though. Brightens my day anytime I come across your stuff.

    And this post? This is golden! You're incredible and I guess, hey, thanks for being there and doing what you do. I came across your videos as I struggle with my sexuality (not to turn this into a "omgz you is saving mah life" post but like I said, the kind of person you are and the things you talk about, that's some positivity that is really good to hear!

    So thanks, and don't ever stop helping people with that sense of humor you've got.

    ps. Yeah this post was gushy but go with it yo.

  4. Wow, I didn't write that at 4:07am. It's only 1. What.

    Yeah I have a life.

  5. what does it say of me that i read it at 4:16am? =) thank you. i took a month off to really clear my head and i feel like i'm finally getting a stranglehold on where i want to steer my ship next. your words, however, could not have come at a more pivitol and appropriate time in my life.
    thank you for taking the time to read my blog and not claw your eyes out after watching my videos. =)

  6. I'd never claw my eyes out after watching one of your videos, seriously? The first one I saw was..."you just haven't found the right fella". You had me sold with your mock-news reporter personality. That was just incredible. 'Littered with secrets', haha.

    I just noticed that, even though you bring a lot of comedy to both your videos and your writing, your blogs seem a tidbit more on the serious. Which is really great, I just wanted to point out, if it ever helps you in any way, that the way you write and get your thoughts across is done really well! So you know, if you ever thought about some kind of writing as another career choice, eh? eh?

    What am I a career counselor? Good god.

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