Wednesday, July 29, 2009

we are lesbianologists

you are a lesbianologist
and so am i

when i came out, i promised myself never to be like an evangelical christian and be shoving my agenda down peoples throats, and i would be just a happy little gay. my mother asked me, 'ashley, i know how you get passionate about things, but try to keep it toned down about we're here, we're queer.' this ultimatly turned into me avioding a fight and swallowing my "we live in a heterosexualized world, if i want to be out and proud, so be it!" speech, and saying 'oh mother.' so more or less- i came out, i let everyone know, stood on a soapbox for a while, then stepped down, and now im just coasting.

but when i came out, i became an advocate for lesbians, and not by choice. after talking to other gays a lesbians alike, i found this to be true across the board. we each turned into lesbian poster children- we have to have all of the answers about every single lesbian- we have to be lesbianologists.

i find myself often answering questions that make heteros blush/giggle.
"how do you all 'do it'?"; "do you like all girls?"; "so, have you ever even tried boys?" and my personal favorite from the straight girls "would you ever like me, in that way?" (or some variant of it). most of the time i find myself simply educating people, and really changing their narrow-minded opinions of lesbians, and thus its great.

but what prompted me to write this blog is that yet AGAIN i was asked to use my gaydar and tell someone if i thought someone was gay or not.

let me clarify some rumors breeders, who are asking me to turn in my own kind, often believe:
-just b/c im gay doesnt mean i know every single gay person.

(actually, thats a complete lie, im almost 100% positive that if i took the time, i could connect myself to you, and 3 of your exes in 5 people or less..and you could do the same to me. pfft- lesbians.)

-there is no way to know for certain by looking at someone if they are gay.
(however a lot of times, you can. HRC symbol, rainbows, and a fresh dyke-cut are good indications- but not everyone is a walking stereotype)
-i know that i am the token lesbian in the office, b/c no one else is out publicly, but i didnt sign up to be the gay liason!

this often happens when im out numbered as far as my sexual orientation is concerned. in my personal life, im surrounded by lesbians, some gays, bisexuals, transpeople...but when working, or doing anything related to my professional life, im surrounded by closet cases, and heteros. nothing wrong with that- but it often means i am the captian of team gay and thus must act as an advocate for the community, often answering questions that no one would dream of asking other people.

i.e.- coworker the other day told me that he thought my being gay was 'fun' and 'wished his daughter would grow up to be gay too' b/c 'boys are terrible'. i reminded him that people have the ability to be terrible regardless of what chromosome is next to the X, and while i agreed lesbians were bomb- a girl could still break your daughters heart. he didnt really pay attention to that and went on to list all of the women he thought were hot and asked me if i did too.
he and the other guy who sit near my cube love to play the game of spotting a woman on the news or tv and going 'ashley, what about her? what about her? what about her?'..generally i say something really disrespectful and in an objectifying manner, and that generally shuts them up.


  1. My older sister does that. she also thinks and i quote "i think it's so cool to be able to say i have a gay sister" yes she did

  2. and in return i said "I'm so happy for you haha"

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