Friday, July 10, 2009

take back the vernacular; ‘girl, its so dangerous’

not sure if you are aware or not (what with the lack of media coverage and all) but michael jackson is no longer with us. yes, a legend has fallen and we as a people touched by michael (metaphorically of course, b/c it would be both far too soon and wildly inappropriate to mention that michael had a reported fondness for groping- children, lest we forget) are living a ‘thriller-less’ life.

no more ‘tee-hees’ or ‘sh’mons’ or ‘cuz this is THRILL-AHHs’. he can now stop- for he got enough. his mother gets the kids, the servants get hush money, his children get to take off their masks, but what about the masses? what are we left with? we wouldn’t actually care about something that we couldn’t benefit from, right? well you are in luck my friends, b/c i'm ridiculously optimistic- absurdly so in fact, and thus i’m able to reach into my ass and pull out a fabulous spin on this tragedy.

my friends, in these rough times, we forget that while michael left us with music- he also left his words behind as well. who could forget such profound gems such as:

We are the ones, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So lets start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving out own lives
its true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

alright, so maybe michael didn't write EVERYTHING, but still- he lives vicariously through his songs so- we will disregard that minor detail of him not actually putting pen to paper. however, it cannot be disputed, michael did coin a few words that i personally would like to reclaim.

as of late i've been trying to nonchalantly toss in MJ terms into water-cooler chat. its going over terribly, but i'm committed to really see this one through. if you have no idea of who i am (first and foremost, hi new friend, i'm ashley) one thing you must know is that i'm ‘interesting’…i very much march to my own drummer- in every way. in my workplace i'm the youngest person there- most people are 15 and 20 years my senior. they all find me to be ‘not your typical 22 year old’, which is a PC way of saying ‘wow ashley you really disproved a lot of my preexisting stereotypes that i had about young people. here i assumed they were all lazy, half drunken individuals, who were still attached to their college sweatpants/t-shirt/birkenstock getup, but you- you have something else’

shockingly we do have a lot to talk about. the guys especially love talking to me- mostly about other women. lately they are really trying to get me to get into women's golf:

on the right we have the ever perky miss natalie gulbis…i feel her photo speaks for itself, also- if you are an avid googler like myself, then you should lookup her ‘FHM’ shoot.

and to the left, we also have the lovely miss anna rawson…yah i know i don’t give a shit about golf either, but if she wants to- more power to here, and might i also had- kudos to her for paying homage to michael with the glove, that's just too sweet of her...god, the things id do to her.

i digress, back on track- i've been trying to work back into common conversation different mj catch phrases.

i.e. “dan, can you believe i have to cover rich’s shift? dang!! i mean, sh’mon man!!”
“victoria- the coffee is fresh, so its really hot- GIRLL ITS SO DANGEROUSS- HEE HEE”
“here jim- you can borrow my pen, don't stop till you get enough”

needless to say, all i'm doing in actuality is making my coworkers think i'm even more bizarre than i actually am. its not enough that i accidentally, regularly stink up the unisex bathroom b/c i refuse to poo in a public restroom, its not enough that i'm constantly trying to turn everyday into a musical or a fucking mary poppins-fest (as i routinely try to brighten everyone's day with something witty, or optimistic) but now, they are dumbfounded by my MJ vernacular.

oh well. i feel that its cursed. michael has taken these words and phrases to his grave, none of us have even the slightest chance of making them work for us and incorporating them into our vocabulary. and don't think i'm giving up too soon, people have tried before with TERRIBLE outcomes.

case in point? mr. shamwow, vince offer.

now, in his defense, i don't think his misuse of MJ terms is 100% his fault, in fact it was the manufacturer of SHAMWOW (an obvious derivative of SH’MON) is more fully to blame, but as we like to do in america- we blame the faces we see.

vince tried to make ‘shamwow’ work. this young stallion clawed his way to the top of the infomercial game at an incredible pace. generally it takes a minute to gain facial recognition with the masses, but not vince- no, he pushed that SHAMWOW shit, and then beats a prostitute and winds up in jail. moral being- don’t fuck with michaels words/sounds

so ladies- remember, do NOT keep it in the closet, b/c even though your ex is dirty diana it doesn't mean that you are alone. you are not alone, i am here for you so keep coming back to

ashley's suggestions:
websites, photos, music, and movies i find dynamic

alright- here’s what i've got for you musically today:

really liked this song by elephant parade called ‘for you’
elephant parade- for you video
this song sounds a bit like the song michael cera & ellen page sing at the end of juno, and oddly enough elephant parade is heard prominently on the 2nd juno soundtrack.

i'm obsessed with trouble andrew as of late-
trouble andrew- young boy
the whole self titled album is without a doubt worth an illegal download, but also worth paying for on itunes

a few websites for you to checkout to cure your boredom:
(special thanks to jarvis)

why not to date a t-rex

take notes ladies!!!

and as always- stop by my
youtube page often!!

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