Friday, July 31, 2009

hot, steamy, lesbian sex?

gays dont do labels
lesbians dont do definitions

maybe its just the circle i run with, but lesbians are fickle when it comes to answering the question, 'so did you all have sex?'...often this is where the lesbian being posed the question says 'i mean, we hooked up'.

you can ask 100 lovely ladies 'what do you consider "sex" between two women?' and you will get several different answers. and im just as confused as you are.

here are the question i pose to lesbians as a whole regarding what we consider sex.
  • does it count only if we both touch eachother?
    and if so- then does it count if clothes were on?and if clothes were on, but pulled to the side, but technically 'staid on' the whole time, does it count?
  • what if one party touches the other, but the latter party does nothing?
  • is it sex if im only using my hands?
    or is sex only oral?
    and if
    thats the case, what about those couples who one person NEVER takes a trip downtown (thats just rude, you are really missing out- imo)...are they considered celibate?

i could go on, as my mind has a tendency to race- but honestly. i wish someone would clarify. this is one reason i just dont touch many people at all! therefore i dont have the awkward, 'did we just have sex' conversation...actually, im sure no one has that convo...minus me. *sigh* god im awkward.

i was thinking about how downright sad some of sexual encounters have been. but sad in a fun way! when they happen i tell myself 'oh this must happen to everyone!' ashley. just you. you are THAT girl that high fives people after a love session. you are THAT girl who says 'oh man, haha- its like magic, your fingers just disappeared' in the middle of an encounter.

ill keep telling myself that its adorable and makes me more 'real', but you dont have to correct me. i know the truth- im just really fucking bizarre. im pretty sure i was put on this earth to make others feel better about their 'oopsie' moments.

i had a friend come to me the other day and say 'this girl stopped me in the middle of a sexin session and said "this is awful- just stop" it made me sad.' of course i jumped in with 'dont feel bad- let me rattle off the list of things i have done in my life that are a zillion times more embarrassing, and yet i seem to just embrace them.'

needless to say- im confident that my stories made her feel a little bit better about her situation. but that still doesnt answer my question- DID WE JUST HAVE SEX OR NOT??

Thursday, July 30, 2009

'we met online'

we met online
but not e-harmony b/c gays arent allowed.
although they made a
'gay' site...too little too late!

now i know its rude, but when i hear that, i have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. dont lie, part of you goes 'hm, well. thats neat' outside but inside you flirt with the thought of 'dear jesus they met online'.

realistically i know that in our internet-friendly world, that it happens often. hell- its happened to me time and time again. ive known of people on facebook b/c i see them constantly in my normal stalking of friends photos, vice versa is true as well. i actually had someone come up to me at a party once saying 'are you ashley? yah, i know you from online' i sheepishly said 'i dont believe we are friends online?' and she goes 'yah i know.' and then, b/c i never leave a awkward convo without saying the last word (as to take the awkwardness away from another and thus just be awk on my own..i know, im a peach what can i say) i said 'well lets get on that!! i like your hair. you seem fun.' meh, it wasnt the best response, but i worked with it.

now dont be fooled, there are different levels of 'stalking' online- some creepier and less ok to talk about in public than others.

the facebook creep:
how to interpret what people say v. mean on facebook whilst creepin

  • 'we have mutual friends'- this one is pretty self explanatory. often ladies add other ladies that they have never in fact met face to face, but have heard of, or seen around, or as stated above- seen in mutual friends photos constantly. this isnt so creepy, as you (the adder) are at least 90% sure that the girl (the addee) is a real breathing human being, isnt an ax murder*, and is put together in a fun way.

  • 'i randomly found you'- uh, this is bullshit. nothing is truly random. chances are high the girl who sends you this friend request was doing the facebook creep, in search mode, looking for hot lesbot snatch in her area. or shes not real and shes just trying to add you and steal your photos, and shes actually a dude. (not a transsexual tho, b/c i think you all are cool as hell)

  • 'omg remember me! elementary school!'- meh..toolbag.

  • 'i love your new albums, you have SOO many'- ok, they are about 4 steps away from stealing your cat, mounting and stuffing it and petting it nightly. (read: they are obsessed with you) or they have looked at all of your albums and realized that you do not have a life outside of facebook, or that you are a photo whore.

  • 'like'- oh the 'like' feature. well this is generic so its hard to say. i know from personal experience i just love hitting that button, i also love to hit it when its really inappropriate. (i.e their status says 'i lost my cell phone and keys last night, and got a DUI on my bike'- i LIKE!! their status says 'grandpa passed away'- i LIKE...however if its really inappropriate like most i wish i could do other things aside from simply 'like', as often time it doesnt convey the proper emotion, but thats what comments and emoticons are for!

im not sure about you, but i wish facebook would stop the whole 'you might know' feature.

you know what facebook?
you are right, i might know my exes ex who she cheated on me with. i might know people that i refuse to add b/c we have had too many awkward encounters. i also might know the people i deleted off of my facebook b/c there was no reason for us to be friends aside from them stalking me (and stalking is never fun if its one sided). and you know what? its safe to say that i know ALL of my bosses who are now on facebook. however if i want to be someones friend or if i 'may know them', why dont you leave the search and add combo up to me?

lets be real- myspace is almost completely dead, unless you are a pedophile.

  • i dont really have much to say about myspace anymore- as it really is dead and while i know this, i still refuse to delete my account that i have had since high school. i also update my playlist regularly, and often update information on dedicated- stupid, but dedicated.

  • i do feel like myspace is the pervy uncle who hasnt really done anything wrong, but just makes you feel weird.

back to meeting people online.
it can work out- i feel like its becoming more accepted, and hell, who am i to judge ya?!
but i cant shake it...when i have legit met someone offline, and we become great friends (oh sup jarvis)
i always say with a mild degree of shame-
'we met online.'

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

newest obession

owl city-
their sound reminds me of postal service/deathcab; lyrically some powerful stuff (which is huge to me personally, a good lyrical base can make me fall in love with the shittiest of musical genres)

just stumbled across a band from mass., passion pit-
love the music- its unlike a lot of whats out there. and this guys voice- well i was unsure whether or not i liked it at first, but im actually starting to dig it...and even if i didnt the beats and techno kiss thats on the songs is awesome.

and i know this has gotten mad radio-play, but i cannot get this song outta my head.

we are lesbianologists

you are a lesbianologist
and so am i

when i came out, i promised myself never to be like an evangelical christian and be shoving my agenda down peoples throats, and i would be just a happy little gay. my mother asked me, 'ashley, i know how you get passionate about things, but try to keep it toned down about we're here, we're queer.' this ultimatly turned into me avioding a fight and swallowing my "we live in a heterosexualized world, if i want to be out and proud, so be it!" speech, and saying 'oh mother.' so more or less- i came out, i let everyone know, stood on a soapbox for a while, then stepped down, and now im just coasting.

but when i came out, i became an advocate for lesbians, and not by choice. after talking to other gays a lesbians alike, i found this to be true across the board. we each turned into lesbian poster children- we have to have all of the answers about every single lesbian- we have to be lesbianologists.

i find myself often answering questions that make heteros blush/giggle.
"how do you all 'do it'?"; "do you like all girls?"; "so, have you ever even tried boys?" and my personal favorite from the straight girls "would you ever like me, in that way?" (or some variant of it). most of the time i find myself simply educating people, and really changing their narrow-minded opinions of lesbians, and thus its great.

but what prompted me to write this blog is that yet AGAIN i was asked to use my gaydar and tell someone if i thought someone was gay or not.

let me clarify some rumors breeders, who are asking me to turn in my own kind, often believe:
-just b/c im gay doesnt mean i know every single gay person.

(actually, thats a complete lie, im almost 100% positive that if i took the time, i could connect myself to you, and 3 of your exes in 5 people or less..and you could do the same to me. pfft- lesbians.)

-there is no way to know for certain by looking at someone if they are gay.
(however a lot of times, you can. HRC symbol, rainbows, and a fresh dyke-cut are good indications- but not everyone is a walking stereotype)
-i know that i am the token lesbian in the office, b/c no one else is out publicly, but i didnt sign up to be the gay liason!

this often happens when im out numbered as far as my sexual orientation is concerned. in my personal life, im surrounded by lesbians, some gays, bisexuals, transpeople...but when working, or doing anything related to my professional life, im surrounded by closet cases, and heteros. nothing wrong with that- but it often means i am the captian of team gay and thus must act as an advocate for the community, often answering questions that no one would dream of asking other people.

i.e.- coworker the other day told me that he thought my being gay was 'fun' and 'wished his daughter would grow up to be gay too' b/c 'boys are terrible'. i reminded him that people have the ability to be terrible regardless of what chromosome is next to the X, and while i agreed lesbians were bomb- a girl could still break your daughters heart. he didnt really pay attention to that and went on to list all of the women he thought were hot and asked me if i did too.
he and the other guy who sit near my cube love to play the game of spotting a woman on the news or tv and going 'ashley, what about her? what about her? what about her?'..generally i say something really disrespectful and in an objectifying manner, and that generally shuts them up.

humpday thought

you know that your insomnia is getting worse when coworkers no longer say,
'awh, rough night?'

'you should take ambien ashley. or maybe you should take up drinking until you blackout.'

awh, thanks guys. healthy life choices!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

random thought #8

i thought it would make me feel better
but it made me feel awful.

the girl who first had my heart, ended up crushing it. after a year of being together, she ended things without reason and i was beyond devastated. my whole world was in her eyes.
she was the first person i had ever loved, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. she was the first person to make me feel beautiful inside and out. when she was by my side i didnt notice any other girl in the room- how could i? she had a glow about her.
when she left me, and i finally accepted it- i tried to remain positive. i believe that if you put negative energy out into the world, it will come back to you. i wanted to remain mature, and not be petty and jaded.
i refused to allow the bad thoughts to settle. you know the ones we all think post-heartbreak, but honestly its just filling our head with more anger and sadness. i mostly had the 'she will never find someone who loves her like i did and treated her like a princess' and the popular 'i deserve better (cue the ugly snot-filled sob-fest) but all i want is her'. it was so hard to keep the thought 'one day, she will realize what a huge mistake shes made, and she will feel a fraction of what i do right now' out of my head. i wont lie. it was a prominent one in my head.
often i said that she would realize it one day.
it was that thought that allowed me to let go and move on.
my friend also gave me the following quote, which- wow- was just the thing i needed after the breakup.
i think there are two firsts in everyones life; the first person who introduces you to real love, and the first person who introduces you to real love when you could have sworn youd lost all faith in it.
so, after i thought the had wound healed. i ended up falling in love with a magnificent woman, but unfortunately for both of us, i wasnt yet ready for what we had. i still needed to let go of my 'fear of loving' (or moreover, my 'fear of getting shattered by someones choices').
and you know what? i finally did.
and not a MOMENT AFTER I DO- who should strike up a conversation with me, but my ex. well, i shouldnt really say it like that. i dont really fracture relationships with people. i maintain friendships and keep things in a positive life, b/c well- i dont know, i really do believe that people can all get along. she and i do text periodically, but this time was different.
she finally said it.
'i fucked up a good thing with you, im sorry. it was a mistake'
just when i no longer felt in my heart the need to have our relationship validated in some way- she does it. and i always thought id be overjoyed when those words came tumbling out of her mouth, but now im just sad.
im at a point where im happy. i didnt need to hear that from her to move on- i already had all on my own. its just devastating to me that shes not at a point that i am. i want nothing but happiness, fulfillment, and magic in her life. i really want us both to be completely satisfied one day.but most of all- i wish she knew that their is happiness out there waiting for her too. and its only a mistake if you repeat the actions and learn nothing.
if anything, it furthers my confidence in my current relationship. but it does make my heart heavy, as i wish i could do more to help her to help herself.

you want to be what?!

you want to be what?!
trick, you crazy

i remember in second grade, being asked by my teacher mrs. geiger, 'what do you want to be when you grow up?'

it was the first time we had all really been posed the question and she asked us to think about it and come back the next day and report back to the class.

of course i did something bizarre. it was, after all, in second grade that i accepted that i was completely unlike anyone else and good, bad or awkward- i was going to make the most of it, and OWN THAT SHIT!

so amongst the future doctors, lawyers, and my personal favorite a 'housewife' (not even a 'stay at home mom', but a 'housewife'...damn second graders with their sexist views, i digress) when i got up in front of the class i said:

'i want to be a tree.'

everyone looked at me like i was ape shit. i went on to elaborate about how my eyes would be the leaves and every time one fell, i could see where it went and in turn, live vicariously through it (admittedly at 8 i didnt understand the concept of 'living vicariously through' anything, but i know now thats the line of thought i was going for regardless of whether the notion itself was a bit above me at the time.) my roots would be huge, snarled, and full of life. id have a tire swing hangin on my left arm and a tree house on my shoulder.

my teacher laughed at me, hung her head in her hands and said:

'ashley, you didnt do the assignment correctly. none of those things are possible. what do you really want to be when you grow up- and be serious'

after that i ended up just sitting down. i was a very sensitive child and didnt handle being told what to do very well. moreover, my dreams of living in a fantasy world were dashed. impossible? was she insane?

i know that im a dreamer.
i know that im idealistic.
but that doesnt mean im irrational. i know now that a tree isnt a realistic occupation-
unless of course im him. but i was 8! DONT DASH THE DREAMS OF A CHILD!

people are still doing it to me- shit, people are doing it to everyone.
why isnt everyone encouraged to follow their dreams, make their own path and do whatever the fuck they (legally) want!
you wanna be a tree? you wanna be a fork? do you babyboo. do you.

so- what do i want to be when i grow up?
i know the things i'd like to do, but as far as defining myself id say unequivocally i want to be simply- me.
is that a cop out?
whatever i am- thats what i want to be.
sure, id love my own tv show. id love to move out to california. id love to be surrounded by beautiful, dynamic, brilliant friends and family. id love to be known for being a strong, unique, fresh woman, who was never afraid to be herself. id love to also own a dinosaur mascot costume at some point in my life. DARE TO DREAM!

so, if you are feeling low- or as if your dreams wont ever come to pass, i give you words of wisdom. (one of my favorites)

above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.
-roald dahl

also, for those of you who dont appreciate the eloquence of that quote, words of wisdom for you all:
two tears in a bucket- MOTHA' FUCK IT! - raging queen from apex, kristina kelly
yah. i quoted a queen. deal with it =)

Monday, July 27, 2009

|:| weekend wrap up |:|

weekend of reflection
aka: i was beyond lazy this weekend,
but 'reflection' sounds more intellectually stimulating.

im sure your weekend was full of fun, and debauchery. but in my little life i like to reward myself time and again with what i affectionately call, 'doing jack shit, and loving it'. the photo above was from months ago...but i felt it was fun, and also- was eye catching. it says 'look how much fun i had this weekend, going crazy at da club'. but alas, i staid in all weekend with DJO and watch all of the true bloods- again.

you may have had a weekend like this recently. honestly- everyone has had one or two, difference is that most people accidentally stumble across a weekend where they have little to do and thus do just that. its a combination of lack of planning, and/or things falling though...but for me, i chose to do little this weekend. i wanted to just sit on the couch and chill out with my lady and thats just what i did.

now, as fun as that was- its making 'blogging about my weekend activities' a little bit difficult.
as my 'activies' were primaraly napping and sitting.

i did think alot this weekend. thats one thing i got on lock- and with my overactive imagination, and mind as a whole- i never stop thinking.
and as i was, here are some things that popped into my head...
  • what does it matter if mj's kids werent his? why does the media care- even if they werent, and he adopted, no ones givin angie and bradums this shit.
  • in true blood, why did sam choose to be the collie? id choose something more a brontosaurus.
  • my obsession with dinos is unbecoming. some might even say its an 'unattractive quality' of mine..dare i say 'too much'..but i love those crazy fellas.
  • how come we can land on the moon, but i still have no idea what animals are saying? where is the REAL progress.
  • i gots me a new phone!! and b/c i personaify everything im livid that i have have yet to name the new lil one.
  • the song 'we shall overcome'...not a remix, not something new- i am in fact referring to the spiritual song about overcoming slavery. i cannot get it out of my head, and its not even as if its an appropriate song for my life right now. and its doubly inappropriate to 'sing it out' to try and clear it from my head. stuck in there, going on 2 days now.
  • if i could shoot glitter out of my fingertips, upon entrance into any party i would throw up my hands and have the greatest moment of my life- weekly.
  • what would owls sound like if they talked? all i can think of is the tootsie roll talking owl...
  • lesbians really are the superior race: our STD rates are dramatically lower than that of our hetero counterparts; women are hotter naked; we can produce life sans wiener; women are hotter clothed; the perfect boobs/vag combo; women are just plain better.
  • if i were a boy, im pretty sure i would be gay. and be a twink. but a fun one. also- ideally id like the name 'brayden'...but realisticly id have something just as vanilla as ashley- my parents planned for a boy, ryan michael...out popped lil ashbash instead. (dont get emo on me now...starting off the life as a disappointment only means that you have nowhere to go but UP! man, im such an optimist its unreal)
  • sometimes i think everyone is gay
that was a fun peek into my mind.
or it solidified your thoughts of 'bitch is crazy'...either way- have a great monday!

oh good- now i have manic monday stuck in my least its not an old southern hymn.
alright- gonna sing yall out-
its just another manic monday...woahh oohh ohhhh. i wish it was sunday, ooohhh oohhh, my 'i dont hafta run day'. its just another manic mondayy

Sunday, July 26, 2009

random thought #7

word of caution.
'mos and breeders alike: protect yourself from awkward moments

never casually 'flip through' ANYONE'S photos on their phone.
just do not do it.
no excuses! no matter what mindset you are in, how altered you are- i dont care if you are one shot away from being comatose.
withhold- be strong- refuse...even if they encourage it.
sure- you could find something really fun...i cant recall how many times friends have passed me their phones 'look at this picture this one chick sent me' or 'look at my new bikini, ashley does it look good?? be honest!' or plain and simple 'girl you hafta see this'...but we are human, and we all know that we have taken some liberties here and there. flipped through a few more photos than we were instructed to do.
often times? JACKPOT!!
or, as typical of my existence, you could find something that scars you for life.

"my friend" (named with held b/c babygirl was too embarrassed to let the world know it was her) was recalling a story that had everyone on the floor laughing. she mentioned it as a 'life lesson'- and i felt it was important to empart to everyone else as well-

the lesson learned?
do not flip through your gf's phone, then get all hot and bothered after the first snatch rubbin' video that pops up, only to find out (after you have 'taken care of yourself' using the video) that it wasn't a video of hers (how silly of you not to notice, in your haste of course- b/c u never forget a face/vag) but in fact one of her exes.

fun times had by all in the mystery world that is lesbians.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

the legend of the lesbian unicorn

there's nothing i love more than dinosaurs or unicorns
thus, any excuse to talk about them, i shall jump on
gather round young lesbots-

let me tell you a tale of the mystical 'lesbian unicorn'...

shes a beautiful creature. everyone speaks of her in such high esteem. she's absolutely flawless- inside and out. not only are you in love with her, but you want to be like her. she handles herself with such composure at all times. she is true to herself and, in your eyes, can do no wrong. shes so witty, and gorgeous but most of all-

shes so much fun to be around, every time you all go out- in a group setting or otherwise you are in awe of just how great a single person can be.

and when she is not near- you feel it. that nagging feeling of 'im sure
she would love to be here', 'if so-n-so was here, man oh man! we would be having a blast.'

we have all been there- 'longing to touch the untouchable' first i thought it was just me who had a brush with a lesbian unicorn, but after much discussion with my friends i find we all have similar stories of 'the one that got away' or 'the one i left, but still loved' or my personal favorite 'my best friend who i have been in love with for years, and the feelings not returned'.

the main thing about a unicorn is that they are better as a dream. you know rationally it would never work out, but its fun to see this girl from time to time and go 'yes- thats where i live in my fantasy world.'

but living in a dream-world, and living in a fantasy-world are two different things. i choose to live in a dream-world, and thus everyday is more beautiful, dynamic and magical than the last...but a fantasy-world, well, personally i dont think its healthy to stay there too long. you loose sight of whats real.

or- you really luck out, and you finally capture the unicorn, you harness the dream and live happily ever after ;-)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

adiós to a stereotype; paying homage to jilly

dead dogs.
meh, i couldn't think of anything wittier

mark your calendars ladies, for this truly is a date that lives in infamy.

gidget, of taco bell fame, was put down on tuesday...she had a massive stroke and had to be put down.

blogs all across the world are all a buzz with gidget. why?
b/c she was adorable? meh. ill abstain from going into the debate that id LIKE to have about how- yes the dog was great, but did prove to reinforce mexican stereotypes.

a dog that we should be remembering is chi-chi rodriguez hannes. my best friend jill's, former soulmate.

first- let me tell you a bit about good ol' jilldo.
simply, she is my souls recognition of its counterpart (10 points for wedding crashers reference) we knew of eachother in middle school, but she was way too cool to hang out with me...

SIDE STORY- middle school was arguably some of my most awkward times. and i dont mean awkward in an adorable way. im talking sans boobs, style, and corrective contact lenses. ok- thats a lie, ive always been stylin'! but really. i had not only braces, but the kind with the criss-cross'd rubber bands. my first and only brush with a blind date happend in 7th grade. a girl who i was smitten with wanted to set me up on a date with a boy in my history class. still trying to hold on to heterosexuality i agreed. all he knew was that he was going to go on a date with 'ashley' after school. in history that day we were watching a video of speeches for our class elections. i was running for treasurer. as soon as my face came on, coupled with my name- my blind date shouted out 'oh HAYELLL NO. uh-uhh NOT HER GUYS! gross!' i then turned around, smiled sheepishly, and said 'hey drew.'

...but when high school came around, jill and i were inseparable. we were the cheerleaders that left everyone scratching their heads. 'seriously, how in the world did they make the squad. they are goofy, spastic, and are on their own world' ahhh yes we were, and life was beautiful. jill is that best friend, that you can bend over and ask her to check out an ass freckle to make sure its not cancer.

unfortunately jill and i have miles that separate us regularly. currently shes in texas, but a few months ago, she was in new york, and before that- my utopia- san fransisco.

but back to chi-chi.
jill has had a
dopesick love for this dog ever since i can remember. i say dope sick only b/c everyone else regarded the dog as the spawn of satan.

dont get me wrong- chi-chi was the most perfect looking creature i've ever seen, however as far as manners are concerned, he was sorely lacking.

so why chi-chi? why honor his death over gidgets?

well- jilly has been having a rough few weeks. she is my dearest and oldest friend. and i feel that i, selfishly, was more consumed with my own problems than being there for her.

i know that sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives we forget our friends and lovers. i as of late went through a painful, beautiful, very lonely journey and i admit that i kept to myself during that time...which is a-typical of me. so to jill- i want you to know that i love you with all my heart. you are the single most beautiful soul i have ever encountered, and i hope that we live out the rest of our lives hand in hand- or if the universe should separate us physically, may we never be apart in our hearts.

in summation, jill deserves our moment of silence today, b/c the beloved chi chi was taken from us too soon (last year, in the winter i do believe) and most of all- its my blog and i will devote a post to my best friend, and her chichi and gidget as well, if i damn well please!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

note to my coworkers:

dear workers with whom i share the unisex bathroom:

this memo is to implore you all (more specifically the gentlemen who comes in after 7pm and has a BM regularly @ 8pm on the dot) to please stop the following.

  • urinating on the seat- yes, i am very neurotic about many things, but i don't think im being unreasonable when i say 'monitor your spray'. when you indiscriminately piss on the seat, i generally catch it- as its a regular practice of mine to put the liner on the seat b/c lord KNOWS my fanny skin isn't touching that. however, on that rare occasion that in my haste my hovering skills fail me and i do in fact sit on the seat- im SICK of sitting in your excrement.
  • leaving 'hansel and gretle-like' trails of pubes across the bathroom and on the seat-um ok, first off, not entirely sure how and/or why you are shedding pubes (im sure its both normal and natural, but i think that with proper mantiance this is a problem that can be completely avioded as i personally have never directly faced this problem, at least knowingly.) second off- im beginning to get really uncomfortable by the fact that i can now play a game of 'name that pube' by color and curl. seriously people, just a simple spot check upon completion of bathroom break!
  • finally, whoever drops the stanky leg BOMB around 630p- i hate that you beat me to the punch DAILY! and i also hate when you are out sick b/c the boss uses it after me...he knows my aromatic secret.

thank you all very much. every day is always a pleasure working alongside your shiny happy faces. but behind the unisex bathroom walls, all truths are reveled. we are bonded by our bowels, and the waterjug-seat-bathroom dance we all play so well. thanks for your time, and most of all your company.


eye want candy...

get it? b/c you are perverted and want to see hot wimminz

don't try to hide it lesbians- i know whats going on inside of your head and let me just say, you are some dirty girls.
here are some even dirtier girls to wet your pallets on this tuesday:

miss olivia wilde-

aka: the one megan fox wants to smash cookies with.

well, if it weren't for her flawless milky completion, or her arguably perfect bone structure, then her eyes would surely just slay you.
granted, im OCD about eyebrows and its one thing i do notice right off the bat about everyone- but
miss wilde is a stellar example of the perfect sultry arch.

does anyone else wanna just lick her cheekbone? perhaps im showing my creep but i just want to breathe next to her. and then play twister or slip-n-slide (no homo, i legit LOVE slip-n-slides, in particular,
crocodile mile) but i digress. shes pretty, shes got a quick wit, and shes interesting.

and if you are bitter i posted the blond pic of her versus her darker color then google image search it and chill. moving along, olivia is a perfect segway into the obvious- megan fox.

megan fox-
aka: the one bisexual EVERY lesbian wants to get down with

alright- so ive said it before, but this woman is OCC (out of control). shes dynamic and certainly an individual...although at times it can be argued that its a bit disconcerting that she tends to mirror a lot of angelina's characteristics, but who can blame her?

many lesbians LOVE the fact that she has made it crystal clear that she only gets down with tha' dykes.

"I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."

moving right along- so, we have gotten the 'sex kittens' out of the way, now onto the funny ladies i love. and you should too...

leisha hailey-
aka: lead singer of uh huh her, and of course- alice from the l word.

now i will be honest- i fell in love with her as 'alice' so admittedly i know more about 'alice' than 'leisha' but this is the eye candy segment...and shes eye candy regardless of her true identity. i obviously feel a very strong attraction to alice b/c she was offbeat, witty, topical, fun, and adorable.

then i heard
her band. the first song i ever heard by them was 'explode' and i nearly wet myself i loved it so much.

so lets get all the information straight- er, gay- shes an official card carrying lesbian, shes gorgeous from femme to butch, shes incredibly talented musically, and not seeing the downside. oh wait- shes taken. well personally, i see that as an opportunity for us to work on our friendship first, then take it from there. lol- no but in all honesty i admire that shes successful, committed, and from what i can tell- happy and gay as hell.

you know who else is gay as hell? miss bridget mcmanus. oh hello you funny sassy vixen you.

bridget mcmanus-

aka: she has pillow fights in her PJs, while in bed, with other noteworthy lesbians...essentially, she's a god, whos living the lesbian dream. or at least mine..

whats not to like? aside from her life in general is just amazing, she lives over in california and thus im smitten, but shes incredibly smart- she thinks on her toesies and lets just take a moment to drool over the magicalness that is her face.
you need to check her out if you aren't aware of her 'brunch with bridget' vlog. go to and check her out. hell- stalk her on facebook. well don't actually stalk, i mean it in fun way our over-internet-socialized generation means it. as in, 'lol omg, i was stalking your mom on facebook yesterday. she was looking RIGHT in the 80's, saw some old uploads. you will age well.'
so whos left? there are countless other delicious smart, scissor-worthy ladies out there...and in time im sure we will hunt them all down, and if even in our heads- we can live out our lives with them.
i know im still livin' the dream with my baby lindsay lohan. i will never give up on my princess. im also obsessed with oprah- but thats just b/c deep in the recesses of my mind i firmly believe that i am akin to miss winfrey.
i feel like im the white, 'lifetime TV movie', version of oprah sometimes...whatever- dont judge me.

The Stairway of Existence - Hafiz

We are

People who need to love, because

Love is the soul’s life,

Love is simply creation’s greatest joy.


Monday, July 20, 2009

random thought #6

everyone has their own sense of style (or lack thereof) i personally am a creature that yearns to be decked out in color, patterns, ostentatious designs and bold innovative new things. (essentially i could live in american apparel, urban outfitters, or athropologie, but as im broke i just stalk their websites and thrift my own way into ashley-style)
i recently was demoted b/c of my style 'just not meshing' with a client at work...but if there is one thing i can take the blame whole heatedly for- its never compromising who i am.

i recently got into a 'discussion' (read: scream fest) with my mother on the VERY topic at had. she was telling me that i need to stop being so narrow minded. i wouldn't classify myself as 'hard headed' per say, but i will say that im very much who i am, and im unapologetically myself. and i do not wayver in my belief that one day i will find a job that suits not only my passion, but me as a person- on the whole.
my mother wants me to understand that i was recently demoted b/c i was unwilling to completely cave to a certain type of dress for this one client...i must also mention that over the course of a year i spent a shitload on clothes that were matronly and old for this client, i also chopped off all my hair- to a length ive never had before all to appease this client, and furthermore- i changed my makeup ALL around, and the colors from black liner to any queen will know- dont go fuckin with a bitches makeup bin unless you mean business.

i digress. she has a point. i should be more willing to compromise. but i felt like i did 100% do what they wanted, and it still wasnt enough. my mother wants me to embrace a more 'realistic dream' of getting a good job and following my passion on the side.

im sorry- im not at a point in my life where im willing to go 'oh well, i tried really hard, but i might as well settle, get a decent job, and do what makes me happy on the side'...FUCK THAT! i want to be completely immersed in my work, in my passions, and in my life, i want them to all fuse together and melt as one. is that asking for too much?

sure its going to be hard work, and yah- im going to have a shitload of set backs, but thats what makes the journey so beautiful- and makes the end result that much more fulfilling.

am i being too idealistic (as per the ush) or am i completely valid in thinking that your life can be everything you want it to be, if you work your tail feather off?

|:| weekend wrap up |:|

i was right..
shitshow ensued.

friday night...
im not even sure how to describe it. it was easily 'mind blowing' status, at least by house party standards. let me paint the picture for you- first off, if you weren't there, and you were supposed to be- for shame, you will be regretting that for a while.
i walked into the house, after rushing home from work. its about 11:40- now keep in mind im aware of everything going on at this party due to several people texting me non-stop keeping me up to date on the goings on of the party.
so im at the front door and my friend monica, and katie are ou
t front smoking (aka the backyard is completely full and thus no one can smoke there anymore) i strike up conversation- more or less to see what im in for. they assure me that the stripper is still there and in fact ill see her when i walk in. there was another gentlemen outside with them, which was shocking to me b/c there are rarely boys at this house. i knew he had to be someone with either, the stripper, the ice luge, the keg, or the DJ- he couldn't have been there b/c he was friends with us?! i mean i guess its not impossible. but when ur social circle is almost exclusively lesbians, its not a bad assumption to make.
the fella gave me some tude by the door...saying 'let me see your id', and being both appropriate and non confrontational i said 'homegirl, i practically live here- you best not be hasslin' me motha fucka' which he responded 'im the DJ, ill turn the music off'. im pretty sure i walked away with something along the lines of 'i know who paid you, you silly goose! see you inside.' so- as you can see we started off on a very healthy level.
i hope the door-
and this.. GOD BLESS AMERICA. house strippers really are recession-proof.

so lets discuss whats going on here... b/c there is a lot of points to chat about. first- i think its safe to say we can all easily locate the house stripper. mind you, when i walked in, she was squatting on my friend sammi's face while taking a mint from her nose and putting it in her mouth.
alright, so back to the house stripper. body? out of control. we are talking, real titties (and by 'real' i mean 'real enough to touch'), tan and tone, clearly flexible, and looked like she had a few miles on her so she knows whats going on.
(but in all honesty, im so neurotic that i kept thinking 'oh god, i hope nothing touches me, i hope everyone has wet naps and washes their hands')
moving on, lets discuss those supervising the show. in the back, dead center- well shes just in awe. plain and simple. to the left of center we have the 2 on the bottom is saying with her smile 'fuckin yahhh' asian above? 'dear lord ive never dated a girl who does that'...then my precious danielle next to them, well, shes just down for another drink...megahn in the middle smells something a lil rank. and my personal fav back right- she does NOT approve.

god this whole night.
seriously. ok- so i walk in to all of that, and its too crowded at this point to walk around the stripper, so i classily walk through the show- i stop, of course, to introduce myself to the stripper, 'hi, im ashley, you are doing some lovely work, excuse me i need to go outback- didn't mean to intrude'
i make it across 10 feet which felt like 10 miles. and i run into the arms of some gays (not to be confused with lesbians, when i say 'gay' i clearly mean boys) their jaws on the floor.
'ASHLEY TAKE A COOTER SHOOTER!' right. thats going to happen. first off- im terrified of strange vagina (as everyone should be) b/c 1 out of 5 people above the age of 25 have STDs, im thankful to be both STD free and under 25. furthermore, drinking isn't really my vice. sure we all have something- drinking just isn't mine.
so now, my ex girlfriend, who im still in love with says 'ashley watch me do this cooter shooter, it will be sexy.'
alright- i dont look at myself as a prude, but i found nothing sexy about that at all. the stripper pours the shot into her mouth, then sticks it up like a giant 'doh out of her mouth, then sits on it several times, then the stripper licks it clean and BAM! COOTER SHOOTER.
first, i wasnt a fan of watching that b/c when i want to be with someone i dont want to think of a strippers snatch in their mouth. perhaps i was being too sensitive. but it was at this point i walked out back.

it was out back that you knew that you were at a dykefest for sure. please check out this ingenious 'times are tough but we must play BP' beer pong table. now that was actually located outside during the party. the DJ was inside..and all of this mind you was on one floor of a modest 2-bedroom town home.

the point of the night was that if lesbians put their mind to something- anything is possible.
oh, and i neglected to mention- the cops did come for a noise violation, but they only came once. so everything was good.

everyone had a great, magnificent least from what they remember!

Friday, July 17, 2009

youtube gems of the week!

b/c white people were't crazy enough...

b/c you can have an acid trip while not on acid and listening to rad music

b/c its a sweet song, and makes me think of her

need some saturday plans

its by far, one of my favorite ladies nights in the DC area.
i will be there, along with a swarm of attractive lesbians
(i.e. my friends, and all the other ladies who attend)
go- get a drink- hit on some fresh snatch.

random thought #5

friday shitshow plans
moo's and marianas bday

i received an e-vite last week to my friends combined 25th birthday party- which is tonight.
they made it very straight forward in why it was a party 'not to be missed'. i thought id share some of the highlights gathered from the e-vite and the facebook event page...
"Here is the deal people:
Strippers, Kegs, Girls, Liquor Louge, Girls, DJ, Dancing, Food, Girls, Beer pong, Flip Cup, Girls, And other fun surprises you have to go to see ;)"

"You had me at oil wrestling and strippers, the bonus will be giving lap dances to the birthday girls *wink* wink* i might bring my roommate!!!"

"*You get to celebrate our quarter century with us! :) (should be reason enough for you to get your fine us over there) but if it isn't...
*Hula hoop contest among other games(gotta chug a beer while doing it!)
*Good 'ole beer pong and flip cup
*Lots of eye candy. Lots. Our friends are sizzling.
*Kegs! You are more than welcome to bring some booze to keep the party going 'til the am. Won't go to waste. Promise.
*Would you be down for some oil wrestling? let us know so we can arrange that!"
did i mention that the invite list, at last check, topped 200? this is a modest town home!! granted, this is also the house affectionately called 'the lesbian frat house'. where all the parties are thrown. where all the pre-gaming happens. where everyone crashes. and where everyone makes regrettable life choices!!

needless to say im thrilled that i will be attending this shit show, and i hope something fun* happens.
*and by 'fun' i mean something that can top the last big party there (my birthday).

let me paint you a picture- a townhouse full of lesbians who are f'd up off one thing or another...i went to take a 'breather' and that turned into me falling asleep at my own party (AGAIN) at 1230. but what made it great was that the house is small enough that the portions of the party eventually popped in to say hi. which was lovely. i even saw a stranger pull up my blanket and tuck me in!!

this party has big shoes to fill. after my party the ambulance was called, and a urine filled morning was had by all. =) nothing but class. haha one lesbro friend of ours decided to walk home (just a modest 10 mile jaunt at 3am, no biggie) and passes out in a random neighbors yard. started shivering b/c at 4am dew sets in and it can get a lil chilly willy. so now hes convulsing in this persons yard, the person calls the ambulance, he goes to the hospital but is still too drunk to say 'im just wasted, im not having a seizure, im not epileptic!' they try to give him an MIR but he finally says 'im drunk'. they give him fluids and he comes back the next morning when we all are getting up and hes not at all hungover. lovely.

the urine- well, thats a story for another time =)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

<| gay news today |>

Gay man's alleged killer faces misdemeanor charge
Robert Lee Hanna faces maximum 180 day sentence
By CHRIS JOHNSON, Washington Blade

A grand jury has indicted a man who allegedly killed a gay man last year in D.C. on a charge of misdemeanor assault.

D.C. Superior Court Judge Frederick Weisberg on Thursday informed Robert Lee Hanna, a D.C. resident, that a grand jury indicted him on the charge of misdemeanor assault for the crime. Hanna's lawyers entered a plea of not guilty. The case was placed on the calendar of Judge Rafael Diaz for a subsequent court appearance Aug. 17.

On Sept. 7, Tony Randolph Hunter, a gay Maryland man, was allegedly attacked near the bar then known as BeBar, which is now EFN Lounge.

Police found Hunter lying unconscious on the street minutes after noticing an altercation a few blocks from where they were on patrol. Hunter remained unconscious for 10 days at Howard University Hospital before he died Sept. 17.

Police arrested Hanna Oct. 15 for voluntary manslaughter in connection with Hunter's death.
Hanna told police he punched Hunter only after Hunter grabbed his buttocks and crotch, according to an Oct. 16 police affidavit filed in D.C. Superior Court.

Chris Farris, co-chair of D.C. Gays & Lesbians Opposing Violence, and said he was "very disappointed" in his city and that the U.S. Justice Department owes D.C. citizens an explanation "for this outrageous decision."
"With this charge, Washington, D.C, has sent a clear and disturbing message to its citizens," he said.
"If you kill a gay man, just say he groped you."

If convicted of the misdemeanor charge, Hannah could face up to 180 days behind bars and a $1,000 fine, according to the Justice Department.
wow. WOW. WOW!

first off, let me say that i remember when this attack initially happened. i remember being so shocked b/c it was bebar! everyone had been there at one point or another. i know people who regularly go to it now- as the EFN lounge.

but what i remember most was my dear mother's reaction which was, "ashley! you will not go to bebar, or go to the gay clubs in DC! people know where the gay clubs are and they are attacking people." she then went on about how i need to be more vigilant around angry lesbian gangs. (FYI my mother...oh my mother. well, she will have her own post someday- i would need an entire blog to chat it up about her- i digress) her words subsequently turned into a fight. my argument was, why in the world should i not frequent a gay business that i enjoy giving my money too b/c some douche bag felt that his manhood was called into question? her rebuttal was 'its dangerous, and you are far too trusting with people'. i couldnt really argue with that b/c its very much true. but i still maintained that i shouldn't give in- no one should have to change their life b/c of another persons prejudices.

i remember being scared. being scared of a place that was meant to bring joy to make people feel free, and connected and at home. but moreover i was really confused. the obvious question being 'why'. the excuse (as if there is a valid one for murder..pfft) was "he punched Hunter only after Hunter grabbed his buttocks and crotch. " now, if thats grounds for murder, well then i don't know if i have faith in humanity any more. do you know how many gays would kill each other over random drunk club encounters?!
(alright, arguably not the appropriate time for a joke)

the message that the DC courts are instilling in people is that this sort of hatred is acceptable. a slap on the wrist for a hate crime- and not just any hate crime, but MURDER- is completely unfathomable to me. it really does boggle my mind and also makes me feel unsafe in my own city. how am i to walk safely to my car at night post-clubbing when i know that some prick like this could provoke me and easily beat me up (b/c ima be real with you, these skinny little garden snakes can throw a good punch or two, but ive never been in an actual fight in my life, and never intend to- however, im scrappy as hell and im pretty sure i could do some crazy shit to really terrify an attacker, not the least of which would be a shrill bird call- leaving the predator confused and temporarily deaf) and then, when im in a coma and then die- that same dick could say anything he wanted to get out of i groped him or made him question his latent homosexuality.

i dont care if that boy stuck his tongue down your throat, hell i dont care if he tried to give you a rim job! murder is never warranted, ever. how is it your place to decide that someone no longer deserves to live? we all need to be careful- this dude will be back on the streets way WAY too soon...180 days?? people are on probation for their DUIs for longer than this dude will be locked up for MURDER!!

i just wish that everyone would focus more of their energies on themselves.
i wish people would let go of all of this hate and anger towards the unfamiliar.

lesbifriends guys. c'mon- SHM'ON! lesbifrends.

random thought #4

if they were both dogs, why did goofy walk upright while pluto was still mickey's bitch?

perhaps im over analyzing, but could the late walt disney have been alluding to this girls story?? ok, so less 'alluding' more 'saying pluto is actually a ferral child who was raised by a pack of dogs'.

seeing as that story is recent and walt kicked it a while back i'll go with a solid 'no ashley, your imagination is running wild again'.

whatever- i'll continue to live my life questioning everythying!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

how to...

how to...
reinforce lesbian stereotypes
yes, you too, can be all people think you are!!

  1. first and foremost, you need a sick ass haircut. in order to appear as gay as possible i suggest the following tools for your new do: razor scissors, and a beard trimmer. if you are bad ass enough, just go ahead and shave half of your head- then maybe a few lil' racing shaved stripes too. don't just shave it all off- that passe, stick with half head pixie cut, half head lilo extensions. OMGZ! dont forget to razor cut ur (i.e. good lesbian haircut, also kate gosselin's chop is aite too)

  2. be obsessed with pretty sure she is the one on the L-word that everyone agrees on. (however, im more of an alice girl myself...point being- we would all give it up for carmen)

  3. wear the following DAILY: a scene bandanna tied round your neck, a thumb ring, your astrological sign somewhere on your body (preferably a tattoo on your neck), a pinch of flannel (or my personal favorite, PLAID!) never hurt any lezzie. Hold your keys to your pants by having a carabiner, carry chap stick with you EVERYWHERE, and most importantly either a rainbow, a female symbol, or the HRC sticker somewhere on your car.

  4. dress in such a way that if you went to a gay club, twinks and femmes would hit on you- b/c your gender is a mystery!

  5. build an entire deck in a weekend.

  6. outwardly hate the katy perry ditty, 'i kissed a girl', but secretly sing it in your head incessantly and think of it fondly. but then on another level, you still hate it regardless if for nothing else- the line "its not what good girls do, not how they should behave" a pretty good girl, and i think its precisely how i should behave miss perry.

  7. have one legit crazy ex...and when i say legit im talking she has hacks into your accounts and fucks things up, she has a record and/or a restraining order, she did the ol' "to get back at you for breaking up with me ima sleep with dudes and tell you about it", or she has attempted to or actually HAS caused you physical harm.

  8. fall in love with straight girls.

  9. get a pet (shockingly, not just limited to cats. dogs, birds, chinchillas...f'real- anything goes) the key here is to really personify the pet. name it, clothe it, treat it as your own child, leave it in your car while illegally parked then have it towed away THEN use the fact that the douche towed your car WITH your child inside as leverage to getting your car back for free (godblezz ya moo).

  10. hats. its ALL about hats. hats. hats. hats. (thanks sammi and nicole) now if a hat isnt available- dont stress...a bandanna will be fine!!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

random thought #3

i find myself asking this often, 'when is it too soon to joke?'
i personally always come to the same conclusion- its NEVER too soon.
although, that always backfires b/c i live in the washington, dc area- aka the 'political correctness capital'.

back in september of 06, it was curtains for one famous crocodile hunter. and i, always wanting to show the utmost level of respect, felt it would be appropriate and fun to pay homage to him at a pre-halloween party. the theme was 'fallen heros' so steve irwin was the obv choice! look how fun i was! i REALLY commit to themed parties. none of this 'half ass' shit...none of this 'oh god, i have to look really good'. no- i want to look terrifying. i want to seem as NOT sexy as possible. i will color on my face with magic marker if need be. i think that its more of a skill to not be slutty at halloween. so i dress in bizarre outfits. lamp. 80s night. spiderman. cowboy. dino attack victim. haha as you can see- i love a good reason to wear a costume.

so i pose the question to you.
is it too soon for 'zombie michael jackson' costume?
agh...don't say yes.
i totally know its abhorrent at best but god, what i wouldnt give to be zombie mj- and dream amongst dreams? to be zombie MJ cast in the title role of JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR...perhaps thats just a me thing, but the explosion of color, glitter, and of COURSE the dance numbers would be too much to pass up.

ill wait and ask again in october.
maybe it will be ok then.

just a little tuesday tidbit

not enlightning.
not profound.
just a tid bit

im in the process of catching a cold- for which i can thank my boss who is now so sick and still coming to work that hes at the complaining stage.
you know when someone HAS to come in, and now they are just being an ol' bitter bag of germs. im sure if you are in an office you have heard that person who coughs loudly, sniffs so much you think its lilo back there in the cubical with 'em, and they love- LOVE to sigh heavily and go into great detail of their illness when you say an innocuous remark such as 'how are you'.

point being- im sneezing a lot.
and i sneezed so hard today that i hit my face on my car door.
it would have been ok, but then i stood their for a second and i reflected. lemme paint the picture for you b/c trust- it was amazing.
me, standing next to my precious pt cruiser walter, hand full of snot, face covered in sneeze spit (you know the kind thats a bit thick, but not snot- mostly just spity projectile), now a giant red mark that just JUMPS off my lily white face.
i hung my head in shame saying, well- i least i wore the teal pants today...and for that reason alone- my day is salvageable.

look at my fun pants today!!

also- lets not judge me, and the cleanliness of my room. im a creative soul and i just bought a lot of craft supplies this week.
not that buying new supplies gives me license to not clean my room, but when crafts are involved- i prioritize.

Monday, July 13, 2009

random thought #2

twitter, twater
neat tweets, that i make BETTER!

let me just preface this posting with, i cannot get behind twitter (note, i did not say 'i will never have a twitter account' but only b/c i know eventually there is a high percentage chance i will sign-up, and of course, this lil lady is no hypocrite!).
i used to
emphatically state 'i HATE twitter. it seems like constant status updates, and i already spend far too much time on facebook as it is. furthermore, whats interesting about 'tweeting' all day. i mean- to each his own, but no thanks.'
but then the whole iran thing happened, and being a political enthusiast i started to see an upside to twitter. then good news about this 'twitter' business kept rolling in..dude a peace prize? maybe i wrote off twitter too soon.
but then, the tweets off the twitters i saw today reminded me that the issue going on in iran with twitter was a fluke, and that i was right about twitter.

here are some gems from miss heidi montag as of late:

Jesus is coming back soon! the end is near I pray you are all ready!
10:29 PM Jul 9th
- - - - -
my intweetpretation:
an obvious allusion to the BEST JESUS WEBSITE OF EM ALL! shes gonna hop back on the website again soon.
as far as the end being near, might might read 'end of days'- i read 'speidi-reality-post breakup show spin-off' in the works.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.9:53 AM Jul 9th
- - - - -
my intweetpretation:
'if i continue to love him, that will totez make me forget that hes a douchebag'...princess? are you aware of who you are married too?? its not happening.

now onto the ever adorable, miley cyrus:
SIDENOTE:: i have no problem with her per say, im just incredibly jealous that when i was 14-17 i was awkward (front right, oh YES) as hell and this tart is bangin' actually- tbh, i'm not really attracted to her- not my cup o' tea

My day started a little odd but I got on my "lucky" steve madden boots. Its gonna be a good day :)about 6 hours ago
- - - - -
my intweetpretation:
by "lucky" im sure she means littered with drugs and unknown human excrements. =) im charming.. thats probably not even funny as much as i just honestly wish they would find drugs in her shoes... but its clear that that's my issue and not yours. m'bad girl- m'bad
@heidimontag totally had a dream about you last night! We were having a pool party and dolphins were in the hot tub just chillin! Ha!9:14 AM Jul 12th
- - - - -
my intweetpretation:
dunno the fuck shes talking about. but it made me uncomfortable so i thought i would share.

and b/c its monday and everyone can use a pick me up anyday but mostly on mondays, i end this post with a quote from my favorite movie- waking life- if you havn't seen it, do ASAP. it will change your life i swear
+ megan fox pictures (b/c i know realisticaly many wont give a crap about my absolute LOVE for words and powerful quotes)

{man asks another, 'are you a dreamer'. the other responded, 'yes'. this follows:}
"I haven't seen too many around lately. Things have been tough lately for dreamers. They say dreaming is dead, no one does it anymore. It's not dead it's just that it's been forgotten, removed from our language. Nobody teaches it so nobody knows it exists. The dreamer is banished to obscurity. Well, I'm trying to change all that, and I hope you are too. By dreaming, every day. Dreaming with our hands and dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced, ever. So whatever you do, don't be bored, this is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive. And things are just starting"
i hope to never stop being a dreamer. i dont care who tells me im absurd...i will keep dreaming- EVERYDAY. hope you do too.

my fav megan fox snapshotz

the hip sneakpeek

sucking on a sexually charged object is always a good idea to me.

when the love of my life met the woman of my dreams.
lindsay meet megan- megan, lindsay. now makeout a'la how do both do in my head- NIGHTLY.

ashley's suggestions:
websites, photos, music, and movies i find dynamic

ive been obsessed with the 'gift that keeps on giving'; oh yes- none other mr. DC himself, Marion Berry.
to those not familar- here are some highlights of his actual quotes, whilst mayor of DC:
in his own words

and to catch you up on the latest in the saga that is his life:
'cause i wont suck yo dick'